NEW YORK PART ONE: DESIRE

In the direction of the voice that calms me

大丈夫と抱きしめて

Hug me and tell me it’ll be okay

カネコアヤノ Ayano Kaneko

タオルケットは穏やかな Towel Blanket Is Peaceful

I lay with Jihyo naked on a soft bed of 인천 유나이티드 (Incheon United ) scarfs in the centre circle at 인천축구전용경기장 (Sungai Arena Park). The air was warm, the night sky a beautiful inky blue and black matching our surroundings. The planets shone above us, the rings of  Saturn and Neptune glowed like tempered steel. Love was thick in the air, carnal longing filling every pocket of oxygen.

결론은 당신이 (이봐) 사랑의 세계로 갔다는 것이었어

The conclusion was you (hey) to the world of love

꿈속에서 우리는 서로 마주 보고 웃을 거예요 (헤이)

In a dream, we will face each other and smile (hey)거예요 (헤이)

김정미  Kim Jung Mi  :  당신의 꿈  Your Dream

We kissed as my hand gently moved to Jihyo’s breasts, our bodies entwined and I ent……

“Tickets please”

I opened my eyes to the sight of a scowling Avanti Train Manager, his face so close I could spell his coffee soaked Nescafé breath and see the hairs in his nostrils. Did this forest nose wake me on purpose?

“Do you always lick this lady’s neck while you are sleeping?”

My anger was about to explode at that remark, only the sleeping Jihyo head snuggled against my shoulder stopped a full blown train carriage incident. I showed our train tickets to the smirking Train Manager disrupter who as he moved on down the carraige could not prevent himself,

“I’ve got my eye on you pervert!”

No matter how hard  I tried I could not manage doze off again, there was no going back into the dream world of love making, the forest nose had done his job well. I just buried my face in Jihyo’s hair, smelling her sweet scent while continuing to take licks of her neck, sweet nectar which brought a smile to my Goddess’s sleeping face.

夢にまで出てきたわ

It’s even a dream come true

執着心は醜くなんかないわ

Obsession is not ugly

身体が素直なだけさ

カネコアヤノ Ayano Kaneko  : 眠れない Can’t Sleep

My desire awoke as the train entered Euston station, her smile radiant, a shining galaxy.

“Let’s get to it Juicy Pear our mission won’t wait.”

The saviour of the world was in full battle mode. It was straight to the tube and onwards to Heathrow and a plane to LaGuardia airport New York. We had been tipped off by our friend the mysterious 만신 (Manshin).

Snuggled together Jihyo and I were about to settle down for a face time call to angel number two who was readying herself for the second leg of the Celestial City FIFA Championship final against Mr Maradona. After  speaking to our “FIFA Queen” we planned a full blown Beenie night, a double bill of  하얼빈 (Harbin) and 내가 죽은 후에 (After My Death) was on the agenda. We had just finished talking to the “FIFA Queen,”

“I’m going to leave him hanging on with his first leg lead. Wait for the last ten minutes and score an own goal to put him four nil up then ram five past him. I know Diego is our friend but he has to go down. It is my FIIFA honour. It will be a piece of cake.“

We blew kisses to each other as we signed off. Piece of cake it certainly would be for the“Play Station Princess”  It was now time for the Beenie double bill. I slipped the 하얼빈 (Harbin) Blu Ray disc into our new £1199 Panasonic  DP-UB9000 4K Ultra HD Blu-Ray Player. A present from another of “Miss Won’s” bank card escapades into town. It was just the third new Blu Ray player of the year!

The battle scene at the begining of 하얼빈 (Harbin) was in full swing when suddenly a bright white cloud came through the flats ceiling. Our friend the mysterious 만신 (Manshin) dressed in her usual green and blue 한복 (Hanbok) decorated with peacock feathers and black velvet 전립 (Jenolip) with orange and yellow tassels sat on the cloud. Her appearance was of a young slim woman in her twenties with dark emerald green eyes as round as the moon. How many apperances the 만신 (Manshin) could appear in was simply extrodinary. I had discussed with Jihyo the different apperances, asking my sweet if they could be manifestations of different lifes?

“There could be some creedence to that hypothesis Juicy Pear, but please don’t think about such complex things, we don’t want your one brain cell to explode do we.”

“You mean he actually has a brain cell honey bun!”

Miss “Fire tongues” comment illicited great mirth from them both. Watching my angels roll around laughing is always special for me.

The 만신 (Manshin) handed Jihyo and myself a low brimmed black fedora just like Beenie wears in the desert scenes in 하얼빈 (Harbin).

스핏파이어 일루미나티 트럼프턴 스핏파이어

“seupispaieo ilruminati teurompeuton”

 “Illuminati, Trumpton, Spitfire”

was all the 만신 (Manshin) said before ascending on her cloud and disappearing once more through the ceiling. If the low brimmed fedoras were because we were watching 하얼빈 (Harbin) for the millionth time, or to help disguise us at Heathrow we could not say. Jihyo realised with just the three words uttered by our cloud sitting visitor it was not a nineteen sixties BBC children’s series the 만신 (Manshin) was reffering to. It was something much more evil, a meeting of the sect which rules the world, a gathering at Orange Man’s Tower at which flyboy Friedkin would be present. We were being called to take on the Illuminat, the heads of the New World Order. A quick phone call to 73 Gunnersbury Avenue, London, W5 4LP confirmed this. Instructions from the proletarian centre of the world were quickly memorised for when we landed in New York. The password given to us which we were to sing was the song 평양을 나는 사랑해 (I Love Pyonyang). We were to sing it when our contact named the team “Our Friend in the North” supports 4월 25일 (April 25th FC).  Beenie night sadly had to be postponed.

My obsession quickly moved into action booking and printing out tickets on the next flight from Heathrow to New York and the train to London, on which I had been happily dreaming and sneaking licks of my obsessions neck until being rudely interrupted by the forest nose train manager.  My angel stamped hard on forest nose foot as we left the train.

“Ouch!”

“Oh, I’m sorry how clumsy of me.”

“I may have been sleeping but I heard what that neanderthal said to you Juicy Pear. I was enjoying the dream as much as you, and you can be as perverted as you like with me.”

My angel I love her so.

We arrived at  Heathrow which was crawling with armed personal, a gun touting ant colony bristling with male testosterone. The new Prime Minister Andy Burntbum had carried on his pigeon head predecessors attempt to stop myself and the angels leaving the hell hole known as blighty. He had even increased security at airports since becoming PM. We pulled down the brim of our fedoras and went to the check in desk. This would be the first test of our new passports provided from “Our friend in the North.”

We filled out visa forms and had our passports checked.

“ Miss Yeo Been and Mr brainless, that is a strange name. Is it to do with your lack of brain power,”

said the British Airways lady checking our plane tickets and passports thinking she was being humorous. Thankfully that dig was the only awkward question and we passed into the departure lounge. Burntbum’s goons patrolled every inch of the lounge, but with our fedoras pulled down as low as we could get over our heads the disguise worked a treat. We boarded the flight to New York with no hassle, Mr Burntbum’s armed guards as clueless as himself.

To avoid any suspicion on the flight Jihyo had booked separate seats. A so called hunk, all Mr business executive who likes to work out in the gym was attempting to chat up my obsession and had my blood at fever pitch. A slap across the face of Mr business executive sent him scurrying to an empty seat. I could not stand it anymore and moved into the vacated seat next to my obsession who smiled. Jihyo took her phone and earbuds out of her short’s pockets and placed one bud in her ear and the other in mine, along with a glorious lick and nibble.

“You need to listen to this Juicy Pear. Another one of the club apologists, a paid up member of the blue counterrevolutionaries. A total no mark, Mr Cahill. He is as bad as Mr Sharpe and Reid. A real shit talker.

We settled back and listened to Mr Cahill talk garbage to the usual client BBC Radio Merseyside journalist.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0pbwln6

We sat in stunned silence at the end of the interview. The TFG supporting brainless “no it all” had expressed to the always never questioning Radio Merseyside journalist one “everything is fine” platitude after another. Jihyo finally spoke, rage flowing through her, a whirlwind which I would lovingly be swept up in.

“Have you ever heard such rubbish Juicy Pear, and what a condescending creep with his “Be careful what you wish for.” Don’t tell supporters what they should wish for Mr Cahill. They can wish for whatever they like. The silly man bigs up the squad, yeah the last two summer transfers have been fantastic! Mr Cahill on Thierno Barry, “He works hard.” You don’t say Timmy! Thats what we like to hear, real football analysis!”

“He goes on to big up his role in the toffees corridors of power, as he put it he had,“

“Always been involved at executive level behind the scenes advising, Bill, Farhad and now the new ownership.”

“Well that advice brought the blues real success I must say! He then has the gall to mention the last five years and relegation battles, how the club is now in a much better place. Relegation battles there most certainly have been. So much for your great advising! You failed with your advice. But you probably enjoyed lurking in the shadows while the Monaco football cancer put the club on life support. Timmy boy you are just a failed football advisor, no better than the Kia Joorabchian’s of this world. You admit yourself you were a behind the scenes hand to the Everton shit show under the Monaco tax haven clown.”

“Don’t pretend you have worked wonders with your six years of involvement in Qatari football as proof of your advisory acumen. Anyone like you Juicy Pear who watches Asian football knows full well  Qatari football, club football and the national team is a complete mess and has been on a steep decline for some time. So much for Mr Cahills great advising role.”

“He says,“

“Im really happy were things are at.”

“Talking up TFG bringing stability to the club,“

“Be careful what you wish for. Football is a business, tell me any owner who is not looking for investment.”

“Yes TFG have brought stability, saving Everton from the tax haven monster you were in the background advising and hob knobbing with at the Qatar World Cup. Did you advise the Monaco clown to sell to the crooks at 777? Would have thought that would be a good question to ask you. But not from the Radio Merseyside client journalist, Lord forbid! Any blue with just the slightest bit of knowledge knows TFG bought the club as a distressed asset, it was at deaths door. TFG  came riding over the hill for a quick bit of profit and then get out as quick as they can. If TFG had failed to do a deal with the football cancer they would have simply walked away. Nothing to them if Everton had gone under.”

“What were, to put it bluntly lies, Executive Chair Marc Watts said after TFG had become the toffees new owners.“

“Together, we will usher Everton into a new era, one that is marked by ambition and professionalism. As stewards of Everton, we look forward to showing our commitment to Club through actions, not words.

https://www.friedkin.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/Everton-Marc-Letter-v2.pdf

“The the Marc Watts Fountains of Wayne Hotline, apple pie with no substance.”

I feel invincible and all dialed-in
kinda Long Island with some West Coast sin

So let’s cut to the coda
Any old gimmick is fine
Fountains of Wayne Hotline

Robbie Fulks : Fountains of Wayne Hotline

“TFG sold the dream, the blue “Fountains of Wayne Hotline” to the unthinking toffee masses. They are now in the let’s get out of this with whatever profit we can make mode, while not putting anymore of their greenbacks into the club. The call for minority investment is simply the first move by the Friedkin’s to sell up. You can claim different Timmy Boy, but you talk crap. Meanwhile as they plan their exit strategy, TFG will continue to fleece supporters with every Disneyland gimmick they can come up with,. They will also keep the woeful leadership at the club, the Kinnear’s and co in place as long as Everton do not fall into a relegation battle. The sad thing is most Evertonians just allow this to happen without a peep. They are to busy spouting on and on about Manchester City then see the damage apologists like Mr Cahill are doing. They will clutch Timmy’s “Towel Blanket”and smile.”

“The crawling comments by the interviewer to Mr Cahill are truly embarrassing, more like a pop idol groupie than a serious journalist.”

“Any blue hearing  you talk would love you to be in there saying this.”

“You can tell by the way you talk you just love football and making it better.”

“You just love football and making it better! Embarrassing in the extreme. Is this an interview were you can follow up on Mr Cahill’s nonsense and ask challenging questions or just  lets suck up to Timmy boy. I think we know the answer Juicy Pear. The interview was nothing but Mr Cahill coming out to bat for TFG after the minority investment stories hit the news.”

“The whole interview is a charade, a piece of club propaganda from another card carrying counterrevolutionary. He should be put in a box along with Mr Sharpe, fake socialist Mr Reid, Mr Osman and the rest of the counterrevolutionaires and the lid firmly closed and padlocked.“

I stared at my angel in wonder. Yet again she had diconstructed the “everything is rosy” nonsense from another club shit talker. Jihyo held my hand tight.

“It is imperative we make it through to the Fly Boy Juicy Pear. The fate of your crap football club is yet again on the precipice.”

We sat in gloomy silence for the remaining two hours of the five hour flight to New York. Mr Cahill an extreme club apologist had depressed us greatly.

We took a taxi to Trump International Hotel & Tower once we had managed to get through customs at  Le Guardia airport, a four hour questioning session. The two rotund airport security staff who questioned us were willing to let my angel through into the “Land of the Free,” but said I still had to convince them I was not a threat to national security. I need to get some better passports was my thought. “Our friend in the North” needs to up his game. Jihyo looking annoyed, which is always a turn on phoned Hawaii on her mobile.

“Mr McGarrett sorry to trouble you, sounds like you are busy.”

“Just caught the baddies great saviour, what is it I can do for you.”

“I’m at LaGuardia airport having trouble getting my companion Mr Brainless, I think you know who I mean through airport security, can you please have a word.”

“Glad to be of service, please put the security team on.”

The two burly interrogators looked on in awe as my angel conversed with Hawaii’s finest. Jihyo held out the phone but they were both too embarrassed to take it.

“Please tell Mr McGarett it, it , ha, ha, has, has all been a misunderstanding and you, you, you are both free to go,”

they stammered

“Did you hear that Mr McGarett. I think just hearing your voice was enough. Again, sorry to have troubled you. We must catch up soon.”

With that Jihyo ended the phone call. The two interrogators got down on hands and knees begging forgiveness.

“If we had known you knew the great Hawaii detective we would never have detained you.”

“Think nothing of it,”

said Jihyo with a gleaming smile,

“Mistakes will happen.”

My obsession so quick to size up situations, I love her more and more, if that is humanly possible.

The well dressed diamond and rolex mob pulled their faces as we walked into the Trump International Hotel & Tower in our t-shirts, hoodies, shorts and boots. The rucksack on my back containing just phone chargers,tooth brushes, passports, plus one more thing, a suprise.

“Miss Yeo Been and Mr Brainless I believe we have a booking,”

said Jihyo. The cologne smelling receptionist handed us our key fob,

“Paid for by a Mr Kim Jong Un. I’m certain I have heard that name before on Fox News reports. 52^nd floor deluxe room with a view of Central Park,”

said the receptionist with a disdainful look at us in our T-shirts, hoodies, shorts and boots. Our attaire clearly annoyed him. Although his staring down at my darling’s chest revealed his inner thoughts.

The Deluxe room was spectacular, gold plated everything, even the toilet paper.  There was a gold plated television as large as the screens at the spaceship.  We went to the balcony and stood arm in arm looking out at Central Park and the bright lights and sounds of “The Big Apple,” it was 9pm. Below the moving traffic looked like a tiny scalextric set. Jihyo laid her head on my shoulder as my eyes slipped to the giant mahogany bed and my mind wandered.

夜が明けたら、私たちは一緒……

When dawn breaks, we’ll be together…

私のせいなの――

It’s my fault

お願い、答えて。

山崎ハコ Hako Yamasaki : 心だけ愛して  Love Only My Heart

“I could stand here with you till the end of time Juicy Pear.”

I lifted my angels face and looked into her deep dark pool of love eyes, Iwent to kiss my angel when, a knock.

Another knock followed this time more impatiently and a Korean American accented voice spoke,

“4월 25일 FC“

4wol 25il FC

April 25th FC

We spun round and sang the required response in unison.

만약 적들이 이 땅에 불구름을 몰고 온다면,

If enemies bring fire clouds to this land,

내 사랑을 지키고 내 목숨을 바치겠습니다.

I will protect my love and sacrifice my life.

이 마음은 내가 아무리 헌신해도 끝이 없구나.

This heart, endless no matter how much I dedicate,

평양아, 사랑해.

Pyongyang, I love you.

현송월 Hyon Song-wol : 평양을 나는 사랑해　I Love Pyonyang

I opened the rooms door and the head chef of the hotel entered in a white chef uniform, Toque Blanche sitting regally on his head. He also wheeled in a trolley on which lay two black suits with US flag pin badges, white shirts, black ties and shiny black shoes, along with two Glock 47 pistols and earpieces. The chef bowed and we reciprocated.

“Great saviour I am pleased to meet you. Your singing was better than the great 현송월 (Hyon Song-wo), it was a pleasure to hear such a voice. I take it this is the pea brained one. May I suggest next time you have a singing password he does not take part. To hear your sweet voice desecrated is a crime.”

Jihyo giggled.

“Yes this is my darling juicy pear. I believe you have our credentials for tomorrow.”

The chef handed over two fake Presidential Protection Division passes.

“These are forgeries of the highest quality you will have no problems entering Trump Tower. I suggest you enter around two o’clock when things will be in full swing.”

“Thank you good sir, but I think we will decline the Glock 47 pistols and earpieces”

I would never go against my obsession but I thought that could well turn out to be a mistake.

“As you wish saviour of the world. Now if you would like to go  to the Trump Grill I have a meal prepared for you. You will find an evening dress sent from Mr Kim in the wardrobe. Mr Peabrain I’m afraid will have to stay in his hoody and shorts.”

My obsession took a shower and dressed while I was in the shower. I emerged from the shower to see Jihyo in an all-black Chilton Stretch Satin Evening Dress running from her neck down to the floor, arms bare and with an open back, I immediately fainted, it was a vision of beauty my mind could not fully comprehend. A sweet kiss brought me back around.”

“Come on Juicy Pear take my arm. Would you believe this dress costs £3000.”

We went down to the Trump Grill after I had regained my senses. I rippled with pride at the jealous look of all the dinners as I entered with my beloved on my arms. We dined on 잡채 (Japache, sweet potato based noodles with vegetables and 만두 (dumplings filled with Kimchi). I was allowed not one but two bottles of 소주 (soju). My princess as always drank pear juice.

“We must give our compliments to the chef this is superb Korean cuisine,”

said Jihyo, to which I wholeheartedly concurred.

Our eyes never left each other the whole time we dined. I felt Jihyo’s longing for me as much as my longing for her, a fire had been lit, the spell from the balcony still held us in its thrall. Sparking electricity flowed through us, we took it all in, tingling with the current of carnal longing.. The clock struck midnight, it was 25^thSeptember, One O’clock in the afternoon in Korea. I took my darling’s hands and placed a simple shooting star silver necklace in them. It was the suprise present I had brought with us. It had somehow fallen into my pocket at John Lewis on one of “Miss Wons” megga shopping trips. As she had used my bank card to pick one of the necklaces for herself, £145, I only had to shoplift one.

행복해  추석

Haengbokae chusok

“Happy Chuseok”

Jihyo glowed her eyes watering with happy jewel tears. She took my hand.

“Please do me the honour.”

I placed the necklace around the neck of the world most precious and beautiful woman. Jihyo put Satellite Lovers on her phome. We left our table and danced, our bodies tightly glued together, cheeks side by side. We did not care what others thought as we danced slowly, lovingly, erotically to “Living Nights Together.”

오늘 하루가 영원히 끝나지 않았으면 좋겠어요.

I wish for this day never to end,

この想いがいつまでも続くことを願う

And for these feelings to last forever.

サテライト・ラバーズ Satellite Lovers : 共に過ごす夜 Living Nights Together

Jihyo kissed me deeply, passionately, her tongue searching every part of my mouth. Our eyes conveyed to each other the temptation, the desire for the night which lay ahead, the night we longed for with all our hearts. The feeling burning in our chests.

お守りみたいだ　振り絞った言葉は

Like a charm, the words I’ve mustered with all my voice

できるだけ　愛のままを返すね

As much as possible, I’ll return them with love

胸の奥の燃える想いを

The feelings burning deep in my chest

カネコアヤノ Ayano Kaneko : 愛のままを My Love As It Is

Our danced finished, our desire for the bedroom was an intense volcano. A buzz, our phones with a text message from angel number two.

“My Seet Peach and Juicy Pear, as you walk into the lions den at Trumpton Tower I am ready to protect you. If you need my help just send me the sign, I will give up my FIFA crown for my two eighty degrees of love.

Universe never ending

Endlessly we wait

Vow of the lovers

We stood frozen. Our angels 시조 (Sijo) ripped out our lungs, we could not breathe, two daggers hit our hearts. Those three lines! We knew at that moment we had to spend the night separate, we could not break our consummation vow. We would wait for the kingsize and the night of triangulation. Temptaion, desire, we could not allow it to take hold this night. Our tears rolled, we held each other tight and staggered to reception were we managed through hoarse trembling voices to get another room on “Our friend in the North” tab. It was just a standard room; the only one left vacant. I took it, my obsession would still have the Deluxe.

We held each other and kissed as I left the elevator on floor forty, my angel continued upwards. I stood outside my room key fob in hand, for  how long I don’t know. I looked up at the corridor ceiling. Should I and take the elevator, go to floor fifty two were burning desire waited? One small small teardrop fell from the ceiling into my hand, turning into a warm green stone throbbing with longing. I entered my room knowing floors above me someone’s heart ached as much as mine at this moment, desire, a furnace of love burring inside us both not to be fulfilled. I lay on top of the bed; a battle of evil awaited us at Trumpton Tower, but for now I held my obsessions teardrop tightly to my chest as I slipped into sleep with my happiness twelve floors above me, out of reach.

だからいらないんだ道しるべなんか

So I don’t need any signposts

時のめぐりにそっとゆれてる

Slowly swaying in the flow of time

そんな私の幸せを見た

I saw a happiness there

山崎ハコ Hako Yamasaki  : 私の幸せ My Happiness

To be continued

CULMINATION

Flatter than a tabletop
Makes you wonder why they stopped here
Wagon must have lost a wheel or they lacked ambition one

Robert Earl Keen : Levelland

I stood in a cold grey fog. I had crossed over to the land of shadows. I was the weakest, the one  who had been one targeted. My lust, my sheer thirst for the love of my life, my obsession, was the weapon used against me. Drawn to the outline of my darling and a kingsize bed. I now stood surrounded by shadows, completely blank black images. My loves shadow which had been used to lure me to the netherworld stood in front of me, a blank canvass. No loving eyes, no sweet breasts, no lips I longed for, just a dark featureless shape. An inky stain started to rise up my legs, creeping up my body like water soaking into paper.  I was turning into shadow, a creature with no features just a black outline on a sunny day. Farwell my two beloved, and Jihyo oh Jihyo the one I hunger for the most. Goodbye my sweet.

私の心の中の 貴方が消える

From the very depths of my heart, you begin to disappear.

恐かった淋しさが からだを包む

This frightening loneliness takes hold of my body.

グッバイ貴方 私 先を越されたわ

Goodbye, my love. I’m already on the other side.

グッバイ貴方 その顔が目に浮かぶわ

Goodbye, my love. I see a vision of you before my eyes.

山崎博子  Harko Yamasaki  : さよならの鐘  :  The Bell of Goodbye

My hands had no knuckles; my fingers no nails, I was quickly turning into a human ink spot, a living shadow corpse.  A voice, a sweet voice singing, drawing me back. A voice I love, angelic, filling the air and causing the shadows to back away, causing them to squirm at the sound of such a melodic voice.

恋しい日々を抱きしめて

Hold close the days you long for

花瓶に花を刺さなくちゃ

I have to put those flowers in a vase

部屋の電気をつけなくちゃ

I have to turn on the lights in my room

明日の目覚ましかけなくちゃ

I have to wake up tomorrow

カネコアヤノ  Ayano Kaneko  :  恋しい日々  Days I Long For

“I have to wake, I have to wake, I will wake, I will wake”

Nothing will hold me back, my angels voice was calling, pulling me back from the edge, the abyss could not hold me. The inky stain started to drain away, my hands turned back to normal. Slowly the grey mist disappeared as the inky infection drained out of me. I stepped back through the tunnel wall into the arms of my obsession as the shadows howled in defeat. Her lips covered my face reenergising me after my will had been sucked away, I took it all in, her sweet breath, scent, lips. I wanted more and more. Our tears flowed together forming a water shaped heart on the tunnel floor.

“Juicy Pear I thought I had lost you. I have never been so frightened so scared. How could Bora and I go on without you our soul mate and demented toffee.”

I just held my obsession tight unable to speak.

“If you two love birds could get your mind back on the job instead of thinking about the day of the kingsize that would be good.”

said Dixie sarcastically. Jihyo and I smiled.

“You are right my furry friend. The day of consummation still awaits; it is time to sort the fraud out. Hold on to my hand my lovely pea brain in case there are any more attacks on you and your weakness, your lust for me which I desire.”

I took my obsessions hand and we walked on with Dixie, leaving the cat box behind. Thankfully there were no more shadow attacks. We soon came to a translucent see through door, the Spaceship in all its ugliness could be seen on the other side. We walked through the door into the pathetic Plaza at the Spaceship. The scene was nightmarish. Hundreds of Evertonians their eyes blank, drunk on Pineapple-Bovril cocktails. The giant plaster cast left foot of “Taylor Swift” stood in the middle of the Plaza. In front of the foot was the fraud Luton Town supporter, the four pineapples of  the apocalypse and the members of the no mark Leadership Committee, “Paper Bag Hammond”, and the three goons Smith, Howorth and Cox, all grinning stupidly. A satanic laugh came from the steel grey sky pregnant with rain clouds. On one rain cloud laughing sat

“STINKY”

Jihyo exclaimed.

“Good day to you as well my great adversary. I see you three have managed to come through the Valley of Shadows to witness the culmination of my work. You must agree I have had a very good week. Please enjoy the show.”

With that Satan clicked his claws and the “Mao Historian” addressed the out of their minds throng.

“Friends, Romans Country Opps!  Sorry, that’s for the Friedkin’s other club. Dear acolytes  you are here today to congratulate me and my team on the great work with have done over the last two years. This week has been so successful I can hardly believe it. The culmination of the Leadership Comittees two year plan is complete. I now give you, the icing on the cake. Here in the newly names “Tylor Swift Budweiser Plaza” I present our footballing hero “Super Jack!”

A door opened at the foot of the statue and “Taylor Swift” walked out. A frenzy engulfed the brainless throng, kneeling, crying, shouting,

“Jack We Love You and Your Treatment Table.”

The horror show rocked me back; Dixie pulled a face but my angel stood firm and went into battle.

우리의 젊음과 삶을 희생하라

Sacrifice our youth and our life

혁명의 승리한 군대에 대한 충성으로

With loyalty to the victorious army of the (Jihyo) revolution

한국인 군대의 노래  :   Song of the Korean People’s Army

“Stop you “Mao Historian” clown. Everton are a mess from top to bottom. Two year project you said did you not my silly buffoon. You, the ridiculously pompously called Leadership Committee, “Mr Windows 98” along with the whole recruitment team at Everton are useless. None of you have any bearing on the modern game. Two year project you have continually blabbed on about. So, you had everything lined up for the summer transfer window I take it? “Judge us at the end of the window.”  Well, you are being judged you arrogant no mark. Why was Everton Football Club attempting to do deals in the last couple of days of the window. Slap dash race to the finish line. A whole year to get your ducks in order after the first calamitous summer window and what do we get. A bunch of transfer wacky racers running here and there. Not targeted recruitment, just panic stations, totally embarrassing.”

 “What have we ended up with after your great two year plan? An Everton squad no better than when you and your ridiculous flat Leadership structure idea rocked up at Finch Farm. Your first interview with the club was truly staggering in its pretentiousness and totally brainless. In fact, downright scary as the coalition pointed out when you squirmed into Finch Farm.  Everything that came out of your mouth that day made no sense. You don’t even understand the role of a Director of Football, while your ridiculous bureaucratic Leadership Committee structure is brain dead in its idiocy.“

 “It was clear from that first interview as the coalition pointed out you were a walking disaster, a gaslighter. But the great and the good, the Echo, podcasters and social media “Know it all’s” claimed this was the new dawn and have continued to propagate this lie. Only now are some beginning to realise the truth about you and the Leadership Committee which the coalition have been pointing out from day one. You are all no marks, out of your depth and totally clueless.”

“Everything that has dripped from your mouth since that scary first interview has simply shown up how incompetent you and the Leadership Comittee are. Your crawling interview with the client Radio Merseyside journalist on 18 August taking your complete gormlessness to new levels.”

FROM UNDER A ROCK

“By the way my “Mao Historian” what has the great “Insight Sport” data analytics acquisition, a company set up by Leadership Committee no mark Chris Howorth brought to the club? Bit incestuous I must say. Where after two years is the as you put it.”

“I’m equally delighted by our appointment of Chris and ownership’s strategic acquisition of Insight Sport, which is a further sign of our ownership’s ambition for Everton and I believe step-changes our analytics capability and will deliver us a long-term competitive advantage.”

https://trainingground.guru/everton-unveil-new-four-man-football-leadership-team

“Jamestown analytics it certainly is not! Juicy Pear can scout the world from our flat. Your so called competitive advantage analytics cannot get beyond Ainsley Maitland-Neils and “Taylor Swift!”

“Your time at the club has seen a left back signed for £9 million who will never make it at Premier league level, now out on loan at Malaga. Hopefully it will lead to a move next summer.  £27.75 million on a bang average Centre Forward and 35 to 40 million on a right winger totally out of his depth, and that is just the highlights of the great Leadership Teams first woeful summer transfer window.”

“As for this summer Angus, oh Angus!  The right back position has been a joke for at least 3-4 years. Who have the toffees ended up with? £4.2 million for Anisley Maitland-Niels. The only thing about this transfer is it is cheap. If you have watched him at Lyon like Juicy Pear has you will know he is just not that good, as blues will so find out. A whole year to source a right back from the great leadership team and the best you can come up with is Maitland-Niels! That alone is a sacking offence.”

“Even worse we have Christian Norgaard, absurdly signed for £7 million. A bang average, declining, slow thirty two year old signed injured. Yet most Evertonians think this is a good transfer. They could not wait to gush about good old Christian when he signed. “Leadership, Experience “ and all that nonsense. Says more about their lack of football knowledge than anything. Oh, by the way Arsenal said “Thank you very much! This signing makes me ill. ”

“As for love child “Taylor Swift,” I give up. Injury prone, 31 0in October, slows down the game and incredibly overrated. Yet this player is back for another half season on loan, that’s all Everton will get out of him before the injuries set in. The toffees are paying 90% of this treatment tables eye watering £300 000 a week wages.  But never mind “He gets the club.” Just fuck off and take ”Super Jack” and the Leadership Committee with you”

“Florian Balogun the supposed answer to the striker problem. This transfer surfaced a couple of days before the end of the window. No planning at all just more slap dash nonsense. When with a few hours left of the window the proposed deal hit problems before collapsing, the so called genius committee was left making idiotic attempts to sign Joshua Zirkzee from Manchester United, he is not even a traditional number nine your cloth heads or Tammy Abraham from Aston Villa. How amateurish can you get. Making the club a complete laughing stock.”

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/c9861n79kepo

“What is the end result of this striker search fiasco. Everton are left with just one striker, the not very good Thierno Barry after Beto was sold for £17 million to Fiorentina. The club are now going through to at least January relying on Barry. That is the work of you and your Committee. No Braiden Graham is not the answer for all those Evertonians who will say give him a chance and have never seen him play.”

“The Everton  squad is full of bang average players, many injury prone and declining. The lie Everton have a Leadership Committee which is recruiting for the future, which the Echo, podcasters and social media gurus like to pedal is total hog wash. Tarkowski 33. Keane 33,  Nogaard 32, Pickford 32 “Taylor Swift 31,” Maitland Neils 29, Dewsbury-Hall is 28 not 22.”

“This is the mess you my CEO fraud, the great Leadership Committee, better known as a bureaucracy and “Mr Windows 98” have come up with after two years. A lower mid table team one Jarred Brathwaite injury from disaster. The defence has Maitland- Neils masquerading as a right back. Mykolenko at left back, no real back up for either. Centre Half’s?  Pretend hard man and Michael Keane both aging, on the decline and with plenty of mistakes in them as we are all soon to witness. An unhappy Jake O’Brien sits around, a competent Centre Back but no more. One proper defender, Jarred Branthwaite holds this mess together along with Pickford. If Brathwaite goes down injured again the defence won’t get away with it like it did last season”

“Midfield, Armstrong may turn into the clubs next big sale. The rest is a mish mash mid table bunch hoping Dewsbury-Hall can score some goals, as let’s face it we don’t have anyone else. And why Mr Hackney was brought to the club is a mystery.”

“Out wide “Taylor treatment table Swift,” the brainless toffee hordes love child. Comes back for another injury prone loan while Ndiaye, goes the other way for £60 million. “Taylor Swift” for Ndiaye. Yes lliman was overrated but compared to the godawful “Super Jack” there is no comparison. But hey it gets us well below the SCR threshold. Music to the ears of the godawful owners. “

“Will Mr George be moved to right wing to accomodate “Taylor?” Or will he be the “Swifties” replacement half way through the season when he is inevitably injured. Brennan Johnson will then be the solution on the right. Let’s face it one of the club’s biggest waste of money ever is just not up to it. Not Mr Diblings fault the idiots thought he was some magical winger with no evidence to back this nonsensical thought up, except Russell Martin said he was!. He really should have been one of the outgoings”

“Up front with the collapse of the Balogun deal and the sale of Beto it is all or nothing with Thierno Barry. Think about that blues. One striker and he is not exactly that good is all these clowns and their two year plan have left Everton Football Club with. I can see Brennan Johnson or Tyrique George having to turn out down the middle at some stage. It is beyond pathetic.“

“That’s your two year plan?  A lower mid table team at best, half of who are slow, declining and aging, while most of the rest are just average footballers, exceptions being Branthwaite, Pickford and hopefully Armstrong. Everton are a couple of injuries away from one big relegation battle. Welcome to the graveyard.”

Well, it’s welcome to the graveyard
And welcome to the throne
Welcome to the orphanage
Where your family sit and moan
Welcome to the liquor stand
And welcome to the poor
Your mama never told you how lucky you are

Fairport Convention : Cajun Woman

“Everton Football Club are at the beck and call of “Land of the Free” capitalists TFG. They bought the toffees as an investment, nothing more. The fraud CEO can say 90% of what he talks to them about is winning matches until he is blue in the face, it is all lies.

Lonely old lies, your rhetoric cries
I’ll never learn nothing from you
Jukebox is on, it’s playing our song
And the words sound like lonely old lies

Neko Case : Lonely Old Lies

“TFG bought Everton to make a profit nothing else, before selling up in a few years after their investment has increased three or four fold. Walking away with their pockets bulging with greenbacks. All those soothing words when they took over about custodians and community is crap, but most blues just believed it. “Hey look he has a Conservation Wild Life fund he must be a good chap. Flys a spitfire and play golf to!” TFG are nothing but rampant capitalists in it to make a buck. Unique Seats, as many different kits as can fit in your wardrobe, season ticket price increase, season ticket plus, golf it goes on and on. Got to rinse as much out of the supporters as the “American Dream” can. It’s all about staying in the Premier League for TFG while their investment starts to reap dividends. Mid table is fine. As the Esk wrote in an informative article on Everton’s summer transfer window,”

“The Friedkin Group is running Everton as a recapitalised, cost-disciplined asset to be made compliant and valuable, not resourced to compete. The window is fully consistent with that thesis.”

The Analysis Series: Everton’s 2026 summer transfer window

 “Although the Esk piece is as always excellent, his ridiculous defence of the Leadership Committee as against the “Moyesiah,” and its young recruitment strategy is to say the least hilarious in its brainnlessness on the post window Talking the Blues podcast. Someone really needs to explain to him what recruiting young talent entails. But his article doses highlight why Everton has “Mr Windows 98” as manager, the worst CEO in the Premier League with his patronising drivel, and a clueless Leadership Committee running the toffees. As long as this bunch of no marks keep the blues afloat in the Premier League that’s fine for TFG.”

“Wake up blues. The Luton Town supporting fraud needs to be chased out of the club along with the “next step in humanities evolution committee “and “Mr Windows 98.”  If not Everton will go nowhere. There is no vision, no plan, never has been, nothing but a football desert.  It is hilarious that the great and the good, Echo, podcasters and social media gurus are outraged at the summer window. The Echo as always being the kings of shite  This propaganda mouth piece for the club, and no mark writers ran a laughable pretend outrage piece.

“Give us some answers “Fly Boy,” 

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/everton-transfer-window-shambles-friedkin-34555297

No saying how wrong they have been for the past two years backing thie CEO and Leadership comittee. .Jesus their main Everton reporter “Mr context” was still claiming progress had undoubtedly been made after the “Mao Historians” interview with the BBC Radio Merseyside sycophantic interviewer. No calling for heads to roll from the Echo, just please Danny Boy give us some answers.”

“Why did no one listen to the coalition who have pointed out from day one the absolute ridiculous recruitment structure at Everton? Instead, the podcasters, social media guru’s and the Echo chose to call the great Leadership Committee a new dawn in recruitment. My god most of you were salivating over the joke nonsense interview the “Mao Historian” gave just a few days ago. .“Brilliant interview,” Great communication.”It is beyond pathetic the nonsense most blues believe. Promises the CEO won’t even remember he had given in the morning.”

明日には忘れてしまうような約束をたくさんしよう。

Let’s make plenty of promises we’ll forget by tomorrow

たくさんしようよ小鳥がさえずるときまでヘ

Let’s do that a lot until the birds start singing.

金子あやの Ayano Kaneko  :  さようなら あなた Farewell

“The summer transfer window is no surprise to the coalition. It is as we have pointed out from day one the culmination of two years of the most idiotic, unsuitable football and recruitment structure on the planet. The closing of the window was the day the stars which the “Mao Historian” had fooled 99 per cent of Evertonians fell.”

” 星が落ちた夜の物語、

The story of the night when the stars fell,

私たちが一緒に作った線路は、途中で止まってしまいました、

The train tracks we built together stopped halfway,

カネコアヤノ Ayano Kaneko  :  抱擁 Houyo

“As for  TFG they don’t care its Levelland boredom, no ambition for them, as long as the toffees stay in the Premier League. If reports are to be believed they have even started to build a pathway for their exit with a tidy profit probably in a year or so, maybe, hopefully sooner!”

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/friedkin-group-looking-new-investors-34563058

“Wake up blues don’t listen to the crawling Echo and Radio Merseyside, the podcasters, you tubers and social media “no it all’s.” Think for yourselves, get out and watch football beyond the Premier League. Use your brains if you have any. It’s not answers which are needed Echo,  but the removal of the “Mao Historian,” the no mark “Leadership Committee” and Mr “Windows 98.” A  total reset with a proper Director of Football, which the club has never had. A DOF who can recruit people to work for and under them. A DOF and who can set a plan, vision, strategy for Everton. Without such a reset the deep depths of lower mid table at best looms for the toffees. Will TFG do this, I think we all know the answer to that!”

What a woman. I stood dazed in my admiration. I could take her to bed this very instant. The “Mao Historian” had shrunk to one inch in hight at the onslaught from my beloved.  His voice was now just a squeak.

“Kill”

he squeaked,

“Kill,”

in his now high pitched children’s voice. The drunken brainwashed “Taylor Swift” luvies moved in, bloodlust filled the air. I stood in front of Jihyo and Dixie. The blue horde drunk on Pineapple and Bovril were ready to rip us to pieces. I would defend my obsession to the end, which sad to say was only seconds away. Just then a lightning bolt came from the sky setting all the throngs bottoms on fire. They screamed and ran towards the Royal Blue Mersey to douse their flaming posteriors . The “Mao Historian” squeaked,

“Jack save me, save me!”

“Taylor” flicked his left foot and the Luton Town fraud flew up and landed safely in “Taylors” hands as he winced as one of his metatarsals cracked. Hobbling he went back inside the plaster cast statue hiding in fear along with the gormless Leadership Committee and the four pineapples of the apocalypse.

I looked up into the sky where angel number two sat in front of a large gun glowing on a shining cloud, her smile lighting up the sky and even “Stinky Breath Horn Heads” dark cloud.

“Sweet Peach, Juicy Pear and flea bag this is real fun. Big G’s fire and brimstone machine. Done a deal with JC, let Diego beat me 3-0 so I could come along and save the day.”

I stood with my obsession in awe. We knew how much that must have hurt our “FIFA queen.”

“You don’t have to look so dumbfounded my delectable pair. JC is not the brightest. Talked him into the final being two legs. It will be a piece of cake in the 2^nd leg.”

“She is, she is!”

I was lost for words at this beautiful angel and her machinations.

“I know Juicy Pear, I know,”

was all Jihyo could say. Satan looked on angrily.

“Miss “Fire tongue” that was uncalled for and has spoilt what has been a rather good week for me and my underlings. I must saw the fire and brimstone bit was rather good though. “

“Piss off stinky, go and polish your horns”

“Now now! It seems you have saved my great adversary, the furry one and inconsequential peabrain from certain death. But I am well ahead on points after this week, don’t you think. Until next time.”

With that Satan disappeared in a cloud of sulphur.

“I think we need to pay another visit to the dollar crazy Friedkin,”

said my obsession taking my hand.

“Darling when will you be finished upstairs.”

“2^nd leg is in three days. Got to go now as Franny has managed to grab a few bottles of communion wine on the sly.”

Jihyo rolled her eyes which as always had me quivering with lust. God I have such an unquenchable crush on my obsession.

“나도 몰래 뛰는 가슴이야 (0:10)

“I also have a heart that runs secretly

나도 몰래 붉어지는 내 얼굴 (0:15)

My face turns red in secret

나도 몰래 약해지는 마음 (0:20)

I also secretly get weak

김정미  Kim Jung Mi   :  크러쉬 온  Crush On

FROM UNDER A ROCK

You want it, we got it

Mopatop has got it

Everything to make your dreams come true

Mopatop Shop Theme Song

(Singers Mak Wilson / Victoria Willing / Composer Ed Welch)

“I was only there to explain the soju queen and whiskey king are guzzlers who need to have a close eye kept on them. A sniff of alcohol especially 소주 (soju) and they become rabid creatures ready to kill for a drop.”

Dixie tail between his legs was apologetically trying to justify his appearance as a witness for JC at the SALT III talks. My obsession looked at him sternly, yet at the same time with kernels of kitty love.

“I am fully aware of their addiction my furry friend, they are my reason for living after all. You trust me don’t you.”

“Of course, my snow white queen,”

“So, you must realise it would have caused me great distress if Mother Jihyo had allowed you to give testimony. Before you know it you would be spilling the beans about Dunder’s less than wholesome light fingers past and Bora’s magpie tendencies. Before you take on anything which may cause distress to me or my loves in the future please consult me first.”

“I’m sorry sweet Jihyo; please forgive me.”

“You are forgiven my furry friend.”

Dixie’s apologising toook place as we walked down the strange tunnel which miss 만신 (Manshin) had magicked up. The tunnel was long with smoth gray walls and roof, it resembled an elongated oblong. Light not to bright or dark shone from where we could not say. Dixie was quickly in a happier mood, Jihyo having forgiven him for his SALT III aberration. We suddenly stopped, noticing on the tunnel roof painted golden words, “Corridor of Heroes and Heroines.” As we walked on it quickly became clear we were indeed walking through a “Corridor of Heroes and Heroines” The tunnel walls were covered with portraits and photographs of proletarian leaders, along with 인천 유나이티드  (Incheon United) and San Lorenzo greats. We passed  Lenin, Stalin, Dzerzhinsky, Philby, Fidel, Lumumba, Kim II Sung, Rosa Luxemburg, Dolores Ibárruri,  Mr Zedong. There was Juan Carlos Lorenzo (El Toto) and a magnificent photo of Edgardo Bauza (El Patón) on the pitch with the team after  El Ciclón’s famous 2014 Libertadores triumph. We spent some time in front of the Libertadores photo in competition, scanning the crowd to see who could spot Pope Francis, who at the time was just the Archbishop of Buenos Aires in the cheering crowd. My obsession spotted him knuckle dusters shining as bright as his smile seconds before Dixie. We stood and bowed in front of a photo of 조성환 (Jo Sung-hwan) who took the Mariners to the dizzy heights of fourth in 2022, their highest ever K League finish, qualifying Incheon for the Asian Champions League. My angels regale me almost daily about how Incheon beat Yokohama F Marinos home and away in the group stage. They also constantly remind me Incheon will win the Asian Champions League one day, and well before Everton ever win another trophy. Which to be fair is the truth.

As we continued our journey the light in the tunnel started to change every few minutes. First blue, then yellow, green, pink, orange. My obsession was lit up like a multi coloured fire fly. Seeing Jihyo bathed in a myriad colours, jet black hair now grown to shoulder length bathed in the colours of the rainbow, sleek neck, voluptuous lips I longed to kiss forever, aquiline nose, pool of love eyes, her chest and breasts colourful mountains.  I could not help but wonder at this woman I loved more than anything.

More, more, more, more, every day (And more, every day) Ahhh

More, more, more, more, every day ((And more, every day)

All I want to do is just squeeze you tight and keep on lovin’ you

More, more, more, more, every day ((And more, every day)

Eta James : Loving You Everyday

My mind wondered back to a day spent with my obsession in Sefton Park. We heard the front door bang shut, “Miss Won”  had left the flat, I looked around for my wallet in vain, Jihyo just smiled.

“I’m afraid our darling has taken your bank card walkies juicy pear.”

I groaned. What could we do? Jihyo took my hand.

“Come on let’s go for a walk as well, we can’t do anything until our money machine love comes home.”

A new fifty inch TV, 30 bottles of 소주 soju and a Play Station Two disc of the classic “Crash Bash” was the damage that day. For “Miss Won” very parsimonious. I did not argue about the 소주 (soju) and “Crash Bash,” the all time greatest Crash Bandicoot game. The £949 for the LG 50 Inch Smart 4K TV was another matter altogether! She had the old Play Station Two console set up and was happily in “Crash Bash Land,” in glorious fifty inch, five empty소주 (soju) bottles next to her, when we returned.

“Come on Juicy Pear I’ve got the other controller here waiting for you.”

Jihyo and I sat under a tree in Sefton Park, the sun’s rays flickered through the branches like sparkling ripples of water. My loves head lay on my chest, her heart beat throbbing through my body, my very soul as I stroked her silky hair and her eyes sleepily closed. What had I done to deserve to be loved by such a wonderous beauty and saviour of the world.

“The world has a shrivelled heart; I come to save it from ossifying completely. But I was lost a soul who needed sustenance, the sustenance of love. I could only go forward with the aid of love. My mood swung from courage to despair.”

気分はいつも 上がったり 下がったり

My mood is always rising and falling

気分はいつも 上がったり 下がったり

My mood is always rising and falling

カネコアヤノ Ayano Kaneko :  気分 Kibun

“It is you and Bora who saved me juicy pear, just as I must now save the world and your crap football team. I love you both more than anything. Eternity can pass I will still love you both. You are the ones that give me strength, the courage to save the world. But I will give it all up for you both, my eternal soul mates.”

I was stunned that day in the park at such a confession. My eyes stung, my tears flowed. I asked my obsession through my stinging river,

“When will the world end?”  “When will her mission to save the lost souls of the planet end?” “Can the toffees ever be saved?” ” Will it be thousands of years from now?”

How could I last, waiting for her sweets lips, crushed century after century in purgatory, waiting, constantly waiting. It would be better I never existed, just star dust floating endlessly in space. I did not have the strength to wait for all eternity.

いつそう言うの
I think you will never say
いつそう言おうか
I think I will never say

別の, 別の, 別の, 別の

Another, Another, Another, Another

言葉

Word

きのこ帝国 Kinoko Teikoku : 別の, 言葉  Another Word

Jihyo kissed me softly and whispered,

“Wherever you are you will not be alone my darling. Eternity has no hold on our triangle of love. We will reach out to each other through the mists of time. Dark days may hang over our waiting. Years, centuries may pass but that day will come. Eternity is ours, your’s mine and Bora’s. We will have our story book ending my love and waltz across universes in each others arms forever.”

Waltz across Texas with you in my arms
Waltz across Texas with you

Like a storybook ending, I’m lost in your charms
And I could waltz across Texas with you

Ernest Tubb : Waltz Across Texas

My tears ran none stop, this woman the one I adore was my meaning to live. The memory of that day flowed through my mind like an endless stream as I saw my obsession bathed in the array of colourful tunnel lights.

“Oh love sick peabrain is day dreaming again.”

Sometimes Dixie can be nearly as cutting as Bora. I was about to reply when all of a sudden we came to a small shop; runic symbols etched into its wooden frame like some alien language. The spaceship at the docks really should decorate itself whith such symbols. A sign hung over the shop door.

만신 (Manshin’s)

Finding a shop of any description in an underground tunnel is to say the least not an everyday occurrence, a bit off putting. We entered the shop; a smell of incense immediatley hit us, overpowering, burning the back of our throats. The shops timber ceiling was so low you could practically touch it on tip toes. Broomsticks and wands hung from the ceiling like magic lanterns. A green frog sat on a large wooden desk in the middle of this strange place. The little creature had shining orange eyes and wore a tiny black cape and pointed wizard hat both covered in runic symbols, a tiny pipe was in its mouth.

“Greetings dear wanderes, I take it you are two thirds of the ménage à trois and this ball of fur is the one called Dixie, a member of the anti “Moyesiah”, “Mao Historian”, “TFG” coalition. I have been expecting you, I hope you enjoyed walking through the corridor of “heroes and heroines.”

said the frog croakily.

“And you are?”

asked Jihyo

“Croakthroat’s the name.”

“Greeting to you Mr Croakthroat. Yes we did enjoy the corridor of “heroes and heroines,” especially the mighty Mariners part. Dunder’s here, better known as juicy pear or you may know him as peabrain wants to know why there are no pictures of his pathetic football team.”

“Standards Mr Dunder’s, standards,”

It took a full five minutes for my obsession, Dixie and Mr Croackthroat to stop laughing at that remark.

“Are you the proprietor of this establishment?”

asked Jihyo after their merriment had ended. Mr Croakthroat shook his head.

“Dear me no. That is the one who speaks little. I believe you have met her. Hence the mystical items in store. Miss 만신 (Manshin) bought out Mr Mopatop. He has been sent off to the Bahamas for a holiday and a period of reflection after foolishly selling the“Mao Historian” a sentence from  최진영 (Choi Jin Young’s) novel 굶주림 (Hunger)”

---

“Let me guess,”

“믿음은 부조리를 파악하는 열쇠이다
mid-eum-eun bujolileul paaghaneun yeolsoeida.

“Faith is the key to grasping absurdity.”

“Precisely great saviour and he is at the spaceship as we speak in front of an admiring pineapple throng. The toffee hordes grasping the pretend faith of his absurd pronouncements.”

“These are dark and deadly times Mr Croakthroat.”

“In deed they are, indeed they are. Mr Peabrain  please take look around the shop while I show this beautiful lady a video of the “Mao Historian” giving an interview to a BBC Merseyside reporter. Kissing his arse is only half of it.  It would send you and definitely miss “I’m always right” if she were here over the edge, so best leave it to miss Jihyo to listen to the nonsense.”

Jihyo gave me a peck on the cheek,

“Please do as Mr Croakthroat says my sweet, I won’t be long, we need to take down the CEO clown and his brainwashing of the not very clever toffee supporters. Have a perusal while I’m gone”

I nodded realishing the warmth on my cheek. Mr Croakthroat took my love to the back of the shop to listen to the interview while Dixie and I had a mooch. Wands cloaks, lanterns abounded. Magic spell books covered a book case, while a tray of green and yellow sparkling rings seemed too good to ignore. A set each for my angels just somehow fell into my short’s pockets. Dixie curled up in the middle of a pentagon etched into a table and went to sleep. Cats really are the kings and queens of having a snooze no matter where they are. I sat reading a magic book about how to cast the runes and pass on a parchment to bring forth a demon from hell. I was looking for a spell to magic up a three person IKEA Kingsize bed, but had no luck on that score which was very depressing. My love came back to the shop half an hour later looking pale.

“It is worse than we feared Juicy Pear. The Mao Historian has come out from the rock he lives under at Finch Farm to give an astonishing “Everything is rosy” piece of garbage for the blue sheep hoards to swallow. An interview with a client journalist at BBC Radio Merseyside. You know the said journalist, they have done plenty of sycophantic interviews before with the ginger dinosaur and exceptionally crawling ones with the football fraud zipped jumper. Add to the annals the latest piece of propaganda masquerading as an interview and “communication” with the worst CEO in the Premier League.”

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0p53nc0

“A few gentle questions to allow this no mark to bluster on about progress, challenging for Europe, blah, blah, blah. Never once does the journalist challenge the “Mao Historian”on any of the rubbish he spouts, so what is the actual point of the interview? it is truly embarrassing. Yet the podcasters and social media “know it all’s” fall for this crap. They say “What a great interview” “Good to have communication” They are laughable in their brainlessness.”

“The “Maoist”  starts off claiming the club is in a really good place, the work done in the transfer market this summer to date has strengthened the squad and a right back will round it off.”

“We’re not behind where we thought we would be. It’s always our objective to get our business done early but the challenge is to get the absolute best players we can in the position.”

“Of course, he came out with the utter piece of crap he likes to  spout none stop, the classic,”

“Most business is done near the end of windows.”

“Talk about flying against reality! Oh, by the way Angus most business is not done near the end of the window. Have a lookat how much has been done before the last week of this window you cloth head. Too much watching yellow tie day for you it seems!”

“The toffees squad is no better than last season, incomings so far, two players who were at the club last season plus Hayden Hackney and Brenan Johnstone in a straight swap with Dwight McNeil. Most absurdly of all a thirty two year old, slow, declining and signed injured defensive midfielder the club wasted seven million pounds on. Yet blues think Mr Norgaard is a stroke of genius. The lack of football acumen which most Evertonians possess never ceases to surprise me. “Leader,” “Experience,” you know the drill they fool themselves into believing. Dear me, more like declining bang average aging footballer who offers nothing.”

“The clown and the ridiculous bureaucracy Leadership Committee had Everton as the 8^th highest Premier League net spenders last year with minus 83.25 million euros”

https://www.planetfootball.com/premier-league/premier-league-net-spend-table-summer-2025-transfer-window

“As things stand this window with five days left  to its close, Everton are eighth highest net spenders again with minus £62.91 million spent.“

https://www.football365.com/news/premier-league-transfer-net-spend-table-for-26-27-season

“They will proabably spend more before the window closes. The CEO blabs on about operating differently, making the club more sustainable, yet since him and the ridiculous bureaucracy turned up at Finch Farm Everton have a net spend of  minus £146 million to build a mid table at best squad. Sort of flies in the face of your sustainability mantra Angus dear boy. No challenge from the interviewer on his claim the squad is in a better place, or the rather large minus net spend. But that’s what you expect from a piece of propaganda. Just except it blues as good news.”

“The day before the “Mao Historians” nonsenses the “Moyesiah” in an interview with Sky disagreed with his statement about the squad, claiming more incomings were needed.“

https://www.skysports.com/football/live-blog/41910/13279303/everton-transfers-latest-news-rumours-and-gossip-live-updates-goals-and-highlights

“He repeated this message after the Carabao cup win at Preston North End.”

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/david-moyes-explains-need-more-34525048

“Whose running the ship Angus, you or the “Moyesiah? As if that matters as you are both, along with the rest of the pompously named Leadership Committee all out of your depth. None of you should be in a million miles of Everton Football Club.”

“The CEO pontificates on the right back situation. Confident a right back will be brought in before the end of the window. I think we all know that one may well turn up.“

“I don’t think we’re in a bad position on that. The options we thought we had available are still available to us. I don’t think they’re going to be there for our first game against Crystal Palace, which was the objective, but I think the idea is we have the very best player for that position come the end of the window.”

“The Moyesiah in his pre Crystal Palace press conference did not seem so certain”

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/david-moyes-offers-update-everton-34497667

“Challenged on the right back situation by the interviewer? You must be joking. The CEO is never asked why when the right back position has been a problem for the last three to four years the next step in humanities evolution committee, which this idiot sits on had not identified right backs to go for as soon as the summer transfer window opened. Targets one, two and three. In reality there were no targets, hence the scatter gun approach and link after link to one bang average right back after another. He is given the soft pathetic follow up by the interviewer.

“What is it in football which makes transfers drag on”

“A nice silly question for him to give excuses why no right back has been sourced to date. Money, agents, selling club may need replacement first. He really does treat supporters like school children who don’t understand the way football works. How patronising can you get. Journalist just listens then moves on. Nice one Angus.”

“The Luton Town fraud waxes lyrical about the pathetic recruitment structure at Everton. We can watch players and leagues from every continent through our recruitment team and data analysts. Yeah I bet. He is never questioned why Everton are never linked to young players in Asia, South and North America, Africa. Why it is only Europe and increasingly the UK. How come you can scout the globe from our flat Juicy Pear, while Everton can’t get beyond Nothern Europe and the Championship? I weep at some of the players you scout every transfer window which are there for the taking. It brings tears to my eyes that some on your last list have gone for peanuts.”

DIPLOMACY PART TWO: THIRTY SEVEN, FOURTEEN, ZERO NORTH, ONE HUNDRED FIFTEEN, FORTY EIGHT, THIRTY WEST

“The “Taylor Swift” love in between the CEO and interviewer is sickening. Nothing more needs to be said. Just hope the treatment table does not return to Finch Farm.”

“He says the owners are ambitious and viewed not making it into Europe a  failure. If true this shows how clueless TFG are. The toffees were never good enough to make Europe, the end of season collapse was inevitable, something the coalition had been saying throughout the season. He goes on talking about TFG,”

“Appropriate pressure this summer to make sure we have everything in place to go to the next stage and, whilst they don’t speak publicly, what I can say is 90% of my conversations with them are not about revenue generation and ownership structures… they are about how do we win more football matches; they have bought Everton to win football matches.”

“Complete, to use the immortal “clueless Frank” phrase bolloxs. The club is nothing but an investment vehical to make money for TFG. Every single thing TFG have done since buying the club from the football cancer proves that. Season ticket increases, Season ticket plus, Unique Seats, Golf, Tony Belt Buckle, new kit after new kit. The clown pontificates about commercial growth blah blah, and has the cheek to say tthe season ticket rises were competitive and affordable. Come and have a word with Juicy Pear Angus, he can tell you about affordable! Challenged on this, not from the interviewer. Asking hard questions is beyond the pale.  How about asking him about the disgrace known as Unique Seat Radio Merseyside. How about asking him to justify the obscene prices on their site. Starting at £139 to £850 per person for the toffees next home game against Manchester United.”

https://www.seatunique.com/sport-tickets/football/everton-fc-tickets/435c09c6?lid=3sln0ebitios#04e24204

“The interview is nothing but an “everything is rosy” piece of garbage with a client journalist. A justification for TFG’s continuing tdream of turning Everton Football Club into a Disney Land Theme Park. “

“Have faith clueless blue throng. Everything is still fine ladies and gentlemen.”

もう少し頑張ればいいことあるかも

If I try just a little harder, maybe something good will happen
いいことあるかも
Maybe something good will happen

カネコアヤノ Ayano Kaneko :  “まだ問題ない / It’s Still Fine

“The blue masses, the acolytes and propogandists at the Echo actually believe the Luton Town fraud and his nonsense. When Everton are mid table by the end of the season maybe they will finally realise the “Moyesiah,” The Mao Historian” and the “Leadership Committee” are not fit for purpose. Maybe they will realise TFG are in it just to make money on their investment before selling up one day with their pockets bulging.”

“The stark truth.”

“The squad is a midtable outfit at best, yet the buffoon of a CEO is allowed to get away with his ” more to be done”  but “we are doing well” nonsense. Hard questions, communication, great interview, the masses say. It really is depressing. Most blues will believe any sort of rubbish put in front of them. Jesus I would rather know nothing at all than what the vast majority of Evertonians swallow as progress.”

もしこれらの日々が間違いなく訪れ、そして同じように続くならば、

If these days without doubt will come, and continue just the same,

いっそのこと、何も知らないほうがいい。

I would rather not know anything at all

山崎ハルコ Harko Yamasaki  :  助けて Help Me

My mind was in a state of chaos. Nothing will ever get better while the “Moyesiah,” the “Mao Historian” and the “next step in humanities evolution committee” are running the club. I staggered, swayed, just managing not to collapse with the aid of Jihyo who caught me in her arms. I held my head in my hands.

“What right do I have to ask my two beloved, especially my ultimate obsession to take on the burden of endlessness. Can the toffees ever be saved?”

Mr Mopatop produced a cat box and asked Jihyo to put Dixie inside. She gently  picked up the sleeping Dixie placing him inside. Mr Mopatop placed two small ear muffs into his ears.

He had a stern look on his shiny green face,

“Best not wake him as you walk down the “Valley of Shadows.” The ear muffs will protect him if he does wake.”

He next handed a pair of ear muffs to me.

“Keep these at the ready Mr Peabrain you may need them, you will be the one targeted.”

before turning to Jihyo.

“Follow the tunnel through the “Valley of Shadows” great saviour, the door to the Spaceship awaits at the end. Go forth and denounce  the “Mao Historian” Luton Town fraud and his “Taylor Swift” religion.”

I slipped the ear muffs into my shorts pocket and we said goodbye to Mr Mopatop and left 만신 (Manshin’s). I did ask our froggy friend if he had a spare IKEA Kingsize bed hanging around the shop, my last gasp hope before we left. I mean the shop prides itself on “Everything to make your dreams come true.” Alas I became downcast as did my obsession when he said he did not. He explained the evil butcher orange man’s high tariffs on trade with the People’s Republic of China was having a knock on effect. Getting the right wood, screws, nails, even allen keys was virtually impossible at the moment. He suggested having a word with “Mr Sycamore.” A good suggestion but the head of the “San Lorenzo Barra Brava” was having the same trouble with his nefarious smuggling trade routes at the moment. “Angel number two” was still waiting for the final parts of her medieval rack to turn up.

We headed down the final part of the tunnel which Mr Mopatop had ominously called the “Valley of Shadows.” Onward to our next battle with the Luton Town fraud “Mao Historian.”

뛰어난 지휘관을 따라

Following the brilliant commander 지효 (Jihyo)

우리는 최종 승리를 거둘 것이다

We will achieve the final victory

조선인민군 공훈합창단 : Korean People’s Army State Merited Chorus.

 섬광과 정의의 창, 그리고 사브르를 밝혀라 : Light the Flash, Justice’s Spear and Saber

My obsession carried Dixie, she had a feeling I would need all my single brain cell about me if I was targeted, by what we could not say. The still sleeping Dixie could well hinder me. The coloured lights of hope which had graced my love in the corridor of “Heroes and Heroines” had disappeared, replaced by a dull grey glow full of forboding. Shadows flickered across the tunnel walls like moths, while Jihyo’s and my shadows walked in front of us. I started to feel something closing in on me, what it was I could not tell, an emphemeral feeling, fleeting at first but getting stronger, taking a hold of me, tightening like a hanging noose.  I noticed my obsessions shadow had disappeared. A voice,

“Dunder’s, Dunder’s come my love, join me, our consummation awaits.”

I looked around, shadows everywhere arms outstretched ready to bring me home to the kingsize bed and my obsessions shadow which stood waiting on the wall.  I tried to block out the voice, I knew it was an illusion. I thought of the ear muffs in my shorts pocket, but my arms were lead weights unable to move as my mind fell further into the thrall of my shadow obsessions voice. I was drowing in a sea of uncertainty, falling deeper and deeper into the land of shadows. What did it matter if I crossed into the land of shadows? I could live with my obsessions shadow, making love for eternity. I could cross over, leave this material realm behind and be with my obsessions shadow forever. I reached out to the shadow arms which like snakes reached out to pull me in.

“Take me to the other side, to the shadow of the one I love.”

いつか私たちはみんな死ぬんですよね？

Someday we’ll all die wont we?

列車が通り過ぎていく、収穫の季節だ

The train passes by, it’s the season of harvest

眠れない夜にも子猫は生まれ、青い空は続いてい。

Even on sleepless nights kittens are born and the blue sky continues

愛してます

I love you

かねこあやの Ayano Kaneko   :  青 Blue

(To be continued)

SALT CONTAINER PART THREE: JUDGEMENT

When I Rise

When I Rise

Reverend K M Williams : When I Rise

“모두 기립해 주십시오.”

“modu gilibhae jusibsio”

“All Rise”

said the two slightly battered, black eyes and thick lips 조선인민군 특수작전군 (joseon-inmingun teugsujagjeongun / DPRK Army Special Force personnel). They had been through the wringer having had great trouble bringing angel number two back to the Celestial Tent after our attempted escape from the wrath which may await. I on the other hand never got more than a couple of yards, a quick flick from Mother Jihyo’s foot sent me crashing to the ground head first. A place on the toffees wing awaits Mother Jihyo!

“It was Dunder’s Mother Jihyo; it was his idea to make a run for it!“

Miss “excuse” as quick as ever on our capture.

Mother Jihyo’s look of contempt stopped miss “Fire Tongue” and her usual attempt to blame anyone but her beautiful self in her tracks. Angel number one was less than impressed with our escape attempt. My obsession never attempted to run, simply waiting for our quick capture.

“Darlings, you have just made our fate harder!”

We retook our seats in the Celestial Tent after rising and bowing to Mother Jihyo, the SALT Negotiations were ready to begin. Mother Jihyo opened the proceedings.

“These negotiations are to decide the fate of Daughter of Eve Bora, her continued participation or expulsion from the  Celestial City FIFA World Championship. Daughter Jihyo I take it you will be the presenting the case for Daughter of Eve Bora’s continued participation?.”

“I shall”

“Mr JC I take it you will be presenting the case for expulsion.”

JC standing along with Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat replied.

“First of all, may I compliment you on your exquisite appearance Holy Moter. Your 한복; (traditional Korean womens clothing) is superb. Your blue  저고리 (Jeogori, long sleeved upper jacket) and pink 치마 (Chima, high waist skirt) are a perfect match.”

“Mr JC your flattery will get you nowhere. It is a cheap attempt to get on my good side. I will judge these negotiations fairly. By the way for a man of the people it seems you have forgotten your standing. Versace Souvenir Leather Sandals And Castello Isaria Cashmere Cape that’s £1329 worth of; I think the word is clobber. You also look a bit stupid in those £170 Ray Ban wraparounds.” 

“It’s not 4 BC anymore Mother Jihyo. We are in the 21^st Century if you have not noticed, just moving with the times.”

“Quite! Now if you can answer the question. Will you be presenting the case for expulsion?”

“No I shall not be prosecuting, that holy task falls on esteemed Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat.”

Seoul Prosecutor Meekat his golden pincers shining brightly against his black prosecutor’s gown bowed deeply.

Mother Jihyo frowned suspiciously.

“This I have say is unusual. Is not Prosecutor Meerkat a close associate of Mr Lucifer.”

“Stinky Breath Horn Head”

shouted angel number two.

“Daughter Bora wash your mouth out using such language about Mr Lucifer. Now Mr JC can you please enlighten us.”

“I got a phone call from Louie, we have been on talking terms on and off ever since our time together in the wilderness. He offered Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat on a loan deal so to speak for the duration of the negotiations, no obligation to buy. The enemy of my enemy is my friend as the saying goes.  Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat has a score to settle with the troublesome ménage à trois after the Seoul trial fiasco.”

SECRET KNOT PART THREE: JOSEF K AND ME

“Is that so, Mr Meerkat do you have anything to add?”

“I have to do what my Lord and Master says, I simply serve the Lord of Darkness, but if you could please prevent the accused from throwing argggh”

Angel number two dead eye as ever. An Exocet bottle of mineral water crashed into Seoul Prosecutor Meerkats head sending his pincers flying as crimson filled the air like a squashed ripe fruit.

壊れたものは、たいていそのまま捨ててしまうから

After all, we usually just throw away what is broken

私たちは、熟した果実のようなものだ

We are like ripe fruit

カネコアヤノ Kaneko Ayano  :  とがる Sharp

“Daughter Bora how many times do I have to tell you off. Daughter Jihyo can you keep those two hooligans  from your debauched love life under control. Mr JC can you please do that healing thing on Mr Meerkats split head, I would like to get this charade over and done with as quickly as possible.” 

Debauched if only I thought. Will that Kingsize ever arrive!

JC placed his hands on Prosecutors Meerkats head. Minutes passed, it was clear the holy one was having trouble with his Midas touch. A stream of blood continued to trickle down Seoul Prosecutor Meerkats gown which quickly started to resemble an FC 서울 (FC Seoul) jersey.

Mother Jihyo sighing shook her head dismissively.

“Really Mr JC, no wonder you failed down on earth and my daughter has to pick up the pieces. Daughter Jihyo if you would do the honours.”

“Let him bleed”

shouted miss “Bullseye” as my obsession, the most delectable and kindest person in the universe glowed royal blue and quickly healed Mr Meerkats gaping wound to the annoyance of JC and angel number two.

Mother Jihyo after asking if Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat needed any paracetamol, he did not, the healing hand of Jihyo had cleared any chance of a headache, requested he start the prosecution case. Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat fully recovered stood tall in his now black and red prosecutor gown and peered over his cracked golden pincer glasses.

“Mother Jihyo have you ever had the pleasure of meeting the great striker Mr sixty goals in a season Dean.”

“Did he ever play for인천 유나이티드 (Incheon United?)”

“I don’t think so”

“Then he obviously could not have been that great a player, but please continue.”

“Mr Dean holds the still unbroken record of scoring sixty goals in a single season, and is rather good on the play station.  Unfortunatley he had the misfortune to be drawn against the troublesome one in the Celestial City FIFA Championship. Miss “Fire Tongue” scored 60 goals playing as your beloved 인천 유나이티드 (Incheon United), using Stefan Mugoša  to score every goal.”

“Well done Daughter Bora!”

said a smiling Mother Jihyo.

“Sweet peach, Juicy Pear, it seems I have gone up in Mother Jihyo’s estimation, we may not face spring cleaning hell,”

said Bora gleefully.

“Silence! Daughter Jihyo, please keep your client quiet.”

demanded Mother Jihyo.

“Prosecutor Meerkat please continue.”

“The evil witch waited until the last few seconds of her game against Mr Dean. Mr JC and Archangel Gabriel were laying prostrate begging miss “Fire Tongue” not to score the fateful sixty first goal. Seconds left filled with hatred she used Stefan Mugoša to score the 61st goal. 61-0, all scored by the same player. You can see the scale of such torture. Mr Dean was sent over the edge and has been in hiding ever since, a lonely heart crushed in his celestial mansion talking to the walls endlessly, repeating nonstop “Fire Tongue, “Fire Tongue.”

날마다 끊임없이 부르는 이름

A name I call out endlessly, day after day

아, 그 이름.

Oh, that name.

김정미  Kim Jung-Mi  : 외로운 마음   Lonely Heart

“Next we come to Mr Catterick and Mr Kendall who were drawn to play against  the “terror” in the last thirty two. Having had dealings with the “terror” before they simply let out a blood curdling scream and fled out of the Celestial City. They ran down a lonely road to who knows where? Two forlorn play station controlers left behind in their wake, like abandoned puppies.“

孤独な道よ、私を家へ連れて行って

Lonely road, take me home

私たちが道を誤ってしまった、あの場所へ

To the place where we lost our way

山崎ハコ ロ Hako Yamazaki  :  さみしい  道  Lonely Road

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V93nd8zsC9Y&list=RDV93nd8zsC9Y&start_radio=1“Two forlorn play station controlers left behind in their wake, like two abandoned puppies.

“Charge number three, the case of poor Padre Pio. None stop mocking of him. “Sticky hands,” “Dracula would not get much out of you!” I mean it’s hard enough to play FIFA when the controller keeps sticking to your hands. Miss “Fire Tongues” mocking of the “Saint of Stigmata”  continued unabated, “Crimson hands ae you a red shite supporter?” Such mocking caused Padre Pio’s condition to reach boiling point. JC has had problems trying to put him back together, blood transfusions everyday as we speak. Miss “Fire Tongues” barbs were the sharpest of nails.”

By the mark where the nails have been
By the sign upon his precious skin
I will know my savior when I come to him
By the mark where the nails have been

Gillian Welch and Dave Rawlings : By The Mark

“Such physiological terror cannot be allowed to continue in the FIFA tournament. Miss “Fire Tongue’s” tyranny is a disgrace to the FIFA tournament and the Celestial City itself. She is a walking demon, a devil dragging heaven into her vile nonstop bluster.

悪魔の何やらの仕業に違いありません

It must be some deed of the devil

私は、世界のことを知ることを、もうそれほど気にしないのだと分かっています

Although I know longer care to know about the world

カネコアヤノ Kaneko Ayano  :  序章  Preface

“Expulsion is the only option!”

A cold wind blew through the Celestial Tent, the temperature plummeted as Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat finished his presentation. The gas lights which hung around the tent flicked madly as if an army of moths had been attracted to them. Seoul Prosecutor Meerkats shadow grew to a monstrous size, strangely with horns. Dust particles sailed in the air like tiny icicles slowly melting to the earth as the wind died away and the temperature rose once again. Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat smiled like a delinquent evil child, clearly thinking he had the case for Bora’s expulsion sown up and in the bag.

Mother Jihyo shook her head.

“Really Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat, I know Daughter Bora and peabrain,”

“Juicy Pear”

interjected Bora.

“Daughter Bora you and peabrain are on your last warning!”

“딸 보라와 피브레인 던더스가 계속해서 방해한다면 그들을 내보내 주십시오.”

“ttal bolawa pibeulein deondeoseuga gyesoghaeseo banghaehandamyeon geudeul-eul naebonae jusibsio.”

“If Daughter Bora and Peabrain Dunders continue to interrupt please remove them,”

Mother Jihyo  commanded the 특수작전군 (joseon-inmingun teugsujagjeongun / DPRK Army Special Force personnel.) They nodded.

“Oops”

whispered angel number two.

“Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat as I was saying, Daughter Bora and peabrian Dunders are the burden of love my sweet daughter will carry with her for all eternity, but comparing miss “Fire Tongue” to a devil is a bit much. That sort of thing belongs to your Lord and Master Mr Lucifer, does it not? Daughter Jihyo you may respond, and present your defence.”

“Holy Mother”

“Yes Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat”

“I need to present my witness Mr Dixie.”

“I’m sorry but these negotiations, more like a trial, are to decide on Daughter Bora’s continued participation in the Celestial City FIFA tournament. Mr Dixie’s views on Daughter Bora and Peabrains liking for 소주 (soju) and whiskey has no bearing on the proceedings. Mr Dixie’s testimony is ruled out of order. I suggest he goes back to his hiding place at Finch Farm collecting data on the idiots who are ruining that so called football club. Daughter Jihyo;

“Yes”

“ Pope Francis and Mr Zedong’s I’m sure glowing references for Daughter Bora are also ruled out. We must keep these negotiations to the matter in hand.”

Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat looked downcast at the ruling, while Dixie curled into a fluffy ball after his telling off from Mother Jihyo. Pope Francis accepted the ruling with good grace, Mr Zedong looked on confused until Jihyo explained the decision to him.

“泽东先生，您关于支持博拉（Bora）并称她将成为一名杰出红卫兵领袖的证词，现在已不再需要了”

“Zé dōng xiānshēng, nín guānyú zhīchí bó lā (Bora) bìng chēng tā jiāng chéngwéi yī míng jiéchū hóng wèibīng lǐngxiù de zhèngcí, xiànzài yǐ bù zài xūyàole.”

“Mr. Zedong, your testimony supporting Bora—stating that she would make an outstanding Red Guard leader—is no longer needed.”

我接受我们的领袖、主席兼“母亲”——智孝（Jihyo）的决定。东方红，太阳升

Wǒ jiēshòu wǒmen de lǐngxiù, zhǔxí jiān “mǔqīn”——zhìxiào (Jihyo) de juédìng. pinyin: Dōngfāng hóng, tàiyang shēng).

“I accept the decision of our leader, chairperson, mother Jihyo,”

said Mr Zedong before bursting into a rousing rendition of the “East is Red,” which myself and Bora joined in with. Not knowing Chinese, we sang in Korean which certainly made an interesting song mixture. Of course, the lyrics were slihghtly altered, obviously it is my obsession who is the saviour of the world

그녀(지혜)는 민족들의 위대한 구원자이다

Jihyo is the great saviour of the nations

그녀는 국민의 행복을 위해 노력한다

She strives for the people’s happiness

東方紅 The East Is Red : 레드 이스트 합창단 Red East Choir

“Thank you Mr Zedong, Daughter Bora, Peabrain, very nice but not a patch on Captain Nemo and Elvis.”

“Mother Jihyo still does not understand music”

Angel number two whispered irritably.

“What was that Daughter Bora!”

“It was Dunder’s saying you don’t understand music Mother Jihyo.”

I just shook my head, my obsession giggled away.

“Peabrain a word with you after the negotiations have ended. Now can we please get on with this charade I have a recording session with Nemo and Elvis to go to. Daughter Jihyo if you could present your defence.”

My obsession smiled brighter than any sun, love surged through me as she rose to dismantle Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat, staring through the lenses of his shattered golden pincers, sending fear racing through what was his smug smiling face just seconds before.

“In the case of MR Dean, Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat have you read 하성란 (Ha Seong-nan) short story anthology 웨이퍼 (Wafers)

Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat shook his head contemptuously.

“I  take it you are not a fan of her work, and if I may hazard a guess any contemporary Korean literature.”

“All vile communist propaganda! All those contemporary writers 하성란 (Ha Seong-nan)  한강 (Han Kang)  손원평 (Won-Pyung Sohn) etc should be shot.”

“If you say so, if you say so. In the anthology there is a story 섀도우 차일드 (Shadow Child).  It concerns a patient who has lost their memory. The patient spends most of the day in the institution they are staying looking out of their room window at a factory in the distance. Workers come and go on bikes which they chain up on racks. One bike with a red seat never moves. No one brings it to work or takes it home, it is stationary, locked to the bike rack day and night, never moving. A bit like Mr Deans sixty goal record I think you would agree, something untouchable. Then one day the red seat has vanished, disappeared as if by magic. You see the world moves on, it is in constant flux, constant motion, nothing lasts forever, except my love for Dunder’s and Bora and theirs for mine. Just like the red seat, Mr Deans record had to fall sooner or later. It was at the fair hand of our FIFA heroine; she moved the world forward with a new record of sixty one goals scored by the same person not in a season, that’s childs play to her, but in one game. Of course it had to be an Incheon United player scoring sixty one goals for the greatest football club. If Mr Dean cannot move forward with the changing times I am truly sorry but the FIFA heroine cannot be blamed. She just moved humanity on a step. Mr Dean wants to stay safe in a never changing time with his record revered and worshipped, like some holy relic in a cabinet, standing still forever. No future just the past. It is similar to the “Moyesiah,” the “Mao Historian” and the “next step in humanities evolution committee. Everton Football Club standing still.“

“The pack of losers my Juicy Pear supports and which I and Bora have the misfortune to watch every week are heading for mid table at best in the coming season. The club has the most ridiculous football structure on the planet, a pompously named leadership team that cannot see beyond Europe, or in most cases so called Premier League experience and Championship players. They really are the flat earth society. The signings to date this summer have Everton standing still. Mr Rohl and Mr George were actually on loan at the club last season. It is to be hoped Mr George turns into the player most blues say he is. As for Mr Hackney is he really needed?  None of this trio move Everton forward. Maybe there is a “Windows 98” masterplan to play with a goalkeeper and ten midfielders the way the club are collecting them! The Talking the Blues podcast might like that. The shout on the 12 August edition that Everton have one of the best midfields in the Premier League except for the top two or three clubs is well!!!!!!!”

“Right backs linked to the toffees are lazy scouting, and I’m being kind with those words. Celtic’s Alistair Jonstone, how lazy can you get. Is that the best the clowns can come up with to solve the full back problem. Dunder’s watches Celtic at least 15 to 20 times a season and has seen Johnstone play numerous times, as well as watching him play for Canada. A hard tackling full back who can get forward well but is no better than a relegation threatened standard player. Which to be fair is were Everton may well be, so he could be a good fit! It is truly frightning that many Evertonians have not even heard of him when the rumours started. My God he plays for Celtic not Qarabag. Sums up the Premier League bubble they live in, yet they like to pontificate on social media and podcasts as if they are some sort of expert. Another name circling the dim Finch Farm chamber of horrors is Ridel Baku. I know the Echo, podcasters, twitter and Blue Sky do gooders will not have watched him, to put you in the picture he is not very good. The old chestnut Aaron Wan-Bissaka has reemerged, enough said! Daniel Munoz is the latest name in the frame. A good attacking full back who was Colombias best player at the World Cup along with the for ever etenal god’s left foot Quintero. The player JuanFran could have been. At thirty with no sell on value and the figure being mentioned for Munoz it is a paper bag special. He would be a “Moyesiah” Premier League experience sticking plaster. It is all rather pathetic. Right back has been a major concern for the toffees for at least four or five seasons and the names above are the best the recruitment team can come up with. The bureaucracy should have had a list of right back targets ready to go as soon as the summer transfer window opened, yet here we are on 13^th August and the toffees scatter gun approach for any bang average right back available. It is evident there was no right back  plan, no list to go into the market for as soon as the summer transfer window opened. The clowns just sit around waiting for their man, their right back to appear. “

Baby don’t you holler, darlin’ don’t you bawl and shout
I’m feeling good, you know I’m gonna work it on out
I’m feeling good, I’m feeling oh so fine
Until tomorrow, but that’s just some other time
I’m waiting for my man

“Will Everton get a right back in before the end of the window, proabably, but it should have been sorted at the opening of the transfer window, targets identified during last season. It’s called scounting Everton. Juicy Pear named a number of right backs who the club could have gone for, you know good young right backs. That none of them would ever cross the minds of the toffees recruitment or Leadership Committee is a damning indictment of the not fit for purpose structure at Everton Football Club.”

“The signing of Premier League thirty something, thirty two to be exact Christian Nørgaard ,from Arsenal yet again highlights the paucity of brainpower in the Leadership Committee.  Never knew Nørgaard was some sort of defensive midfield superman, but by god the toffee sheep say he is. Twitter and Bluesky is alive with “great signing,” “just what we need.” Another average footballer who will help Everton go nowhere is not “just what we need.” The lack of vision is astonishing. Mokio (Ajax) Andre (Corinthians) Andre (Wolves) two teenagers or a twenty four year old with Premier League experience. Any of the three could be the blues defensive midfilder for seasons to come, although Andre (Corinthians) might need some adaptation time. All would cost more than good old Christian but would be players who could grow with the toffees and bring in a large profit if moved on at some future date. The £7 million paid for Nørgaard, plus the £16.5 million on Hayden Hackney could have been used to bring in one of the three, all who were on Juicy Pears last scouting report, along with right full backs. Juicy Pear has more knowedge of global football in just his little left foot toe than all the clowns on the so called Leadership Committee put together. Come to think of it the idiots don’t know or understand world football.”

DIPLOMACY PART TWO: THIRTY SEVEN, FOURTEEN, ZERO NORTH, ONE HUNDRED FIFTEEN, FORTY EIGHT, THIRTY WEST

“The propogandists at the Echo could not wait to claim what a master stroke the Nørgaard signing is. The Royal Blue Podcast of 3 August is a humdinger. Seven appearances last season as Arsenal swiftly saw what a mistake they made even if he only cost them £10 million.”

“ Let’s look for a team to take him off our hands, oh look here comes the paper bag offering £7 million, I won’t go any further. Lets leave Christian “he is good in the dressing room,” in his lower mid table leadership role at  Everton.”

“Brenan Johnson has rocked up in a swap deal with Dwight McNeil. Johnson is a player who had one stand out season at Nottingham Forest and that is his career to date. To be fair he did have some injury problems at Tottenham Hotspur before his disasterous move to Crystal Palace. Will he improve Everton? Yes he is younger and a better player than McNeil. Hopefully he can get back to the early promise he showed at Forest. Do I think he will, no I don’t, his peak sad to say has been and gone. Not exactly moving the toffees dial forward by much, but we can only hope!”

“Will Everton bring in a striker or rely on Beto and Barry for the forthcoming season?. If it is to be the double B’s then the goals will not be exactly flowing. But then again the idiots at Everton could not recruit a good striker if one was stood right in front of them. Meanwhile the toffees defence is one Jarred Brainthwaite injury away from being a total disaster, Keane and the pretend hard man, fosil FC, give me strength. Last season was a one off in defence which will not be repeated.”

“Of course let’s not forgot Evertonians God, “Taylor Swift.” We all know the idiots are trying to bring the expensive treatment table back so he can slow down the attacking play for the half a season he will actually be it for, while taking a very handsome wage. When he comes back on loan or as a permanent signing it will be time for us all to give up. I just pray it does not happen.”

“Everton have a “Windows 98” manager who has been left behind and lives in an early 2000’s bubble. He has no relevance to the modern game. The CEO is the most smug, brainless CEO on the planet. Only Everton could recruit the worst CEO in the Premier League. Go back and listen to his first interview with the club, the nonsense he spouts. He does not understand the role of a Director of Football and talks nonsense about his flat leadership structure which is a catastrophe and causing havoc at the club. Can’t wait for his next bit of written nonsense which must surely come before the season opener against Crystal Palace.”

“There are many, the Echo club propogandists as always leading the way, do they even understand the word critical at the Echo? who use every excuse they can think of to paint a happy blue image. Progress has been made you know! Their favourite excuse being,”

“Last summer the Leadership Committee was not in place. We can only judge them after this summer.”

“Complete crap bordering on lies. “Windows 98” the “Mao historian” the “paper bag” and no mark Howarth were all in place last summer. Only Mr Cox and Mr Hammond were not in post until 1^st September. So don’t spin your lies about the pompous goons not being in place, two thirds were.

嘘をつく

Tell a lie

嘘 嘘

Lie, Lie, Lie

山崎ハコ Hako Yamazaki:  嘘をつく Tell A Lie

“Everton last summer spent 129.75 million euro on players who moved the club forward not one bit, while bringing in just 12.60 million in sales. So much for the young player trading model many claim the toffees are now operating.”

https://www.transfermarkt.co.uk/fc-everton/transfers/verein/29/saison_id/2025

“As for this summer, so far 73.45 million euro spent, (not including the undisclosed compensation package for Dundee United youngster Kai Hutchinson). Money brought in zero, except for the undisclosed packet of crisp and Walnut Whip for Isaac Heath, although it seems certain Tim Iroegbunam will be moving before the window closes.”

https://www.transfermarkt.co.uk/fc-everton/transfers/verein/29/saison_id/2026

“The so called leadership team are incapable of moving players on.  Meanwhile they have splashed to date over two summer windows ” 174,047,035.70 euros to stand still. Teams below Everton last season, Leeds United, Nottingham Forest and Tottenham Hotspur will all finish above the toffees in the new season, mark my words.”

“Everton have a Manager, CEO and ridiculous leadership bureaucracy who are so far behind modern football it is frightening. “Mr Windows 98” contract runs out in the summer, are the clowns going to hand this dinosaur a new contract. If not what then? You can guarantee they won’t have a list of modern managers, a vision, a plan  for post “Windows 98.”

“Finally we come to the owners The Friedkin Group. (TFG).  Lets get this straight, TFG saw Everton as a distressed asset and bought the club on the cheap. They have one thing in mind and one thing only, Premier League riches. “Stay in the Premier League boys,” that’s all that matters to them. 10^th, 15^th, 17^th its all the same. TFG are all about bleeding supporters dry. Ballots, unique seats, come play golf, four different kits, a night with big gob Tony Belt Buckle, Men In Blazers whoever or whatever that is, for fuck’s sake we now have season ticket plus.”

“Remember the “know it all’s” with their mulit club ownership (MCO) nonsense, Everton and AS Roma, we can learn from each other, swap data, blah blah blah. The Esk in an article on club strategies under cost-ratio puts the TFG Everton/AS Roma ownership in the MCO bracket, which is fundementally wrong.”

https://footbiz.beehiiv.com/p/club-strategies-under-cost-ratio-regimes

“TFG may own Everton and AS Roma but do not have an MCO. I say it is an “Investor Ownership Model,”taking clubs who were/are in distress with the aim of making a profit in the long run. Football is secondary to them, especially having any sort of a plan or cross fertilisation as with  any successful MCO. Everton and AS Roma are as separate as night and day.”

“If TFG don’t dump “Windows 98,” the “Mao Historian” and t so called “Leadership Committee” the toffees will go nowhere, which is fine for them as long as the club remain in the  Premier League. It’s all about golf, uniques seats and season ticket plus ladies and gentlemen.  If a relegation battle ensues, their Disney Land Spaceship Central ownership will be in peril. Act before it’s too late TFG. The transfer business by the idiots you have recruited to run the club was horrendous last summer and is no better this summer. It has not helped Everton move forward, anymore incomings will also not move the club forward either. They are simply incapable.  Like the red seat 하성란  in (Ha Seong-nan) short story, and Mr Dean’s record, at Everton standing still is the new moto. From “Nils Satis Nisi Optimum” to “Nihil Nisi Immotum Stare Satis Bonum.”

“TFG you must do as our FIFA heroine did with Mr Deans sixty goals record.  Remove the whole structure at the toffees and start again under a proper Director of Football model before it is to late.   I’m begging you sit down with me and a coffee, but I won’t hold my breath.”

この残念な夜の結末は、ただ一つしかない

There’s only one way this regrettable night can go

とにかく、座ってコーヒーでも飲まない？

Anyway, wanna sit down and drink some coffee?

きのこ帝国 Kinoko Teokoku : 渦巻き Spiral

“As for accusation number two, the case of Mr Catterick and Mr Kendall, both have been outsmarted by Bora on many occasions. Mr Kendall in particular hides a dark secret, is it any wonder these two scaredy cats made off and went into hiding?”

BORA ON BOLD STREET

“ In the sad case of Padre Pio, is it our angels fault the controller kept sticking on his blood stained hands? He should have been substituted, there is a duty of care to all play station players, a blood protocol in Mr Pio’s case, we all know his condition. As his blood pressure rose after every one of our FIFA heroine’s goals the outcome was inevitable. I put it to you Mother Jihyo that it is JC’s fault that Padre Pio is now being pieced back together in the healing hospital. It was JC who forced Padre Pio to participate in the first place and refused to substitute him, leading to his spontaneous combustion and reenactment of the scene from scanners.”

“I call as a witness Mr Maradona. I think you will agree Mother Jihyo as the FIFA Champion of the Celestial City and participant in the tournament Mr Maradona can testify.”

“Objection”

shouted a now on the ropes and flustered Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat.

“Overruled”

Mother Jihyo said with the firmest of voices.

“Daughter Jihyo you may ask Mr Maradona to testify.”

Jihyo text Mr Maradona who was waiting outside the Celestial Tent.

Diego entered the tent doing keepie uppies and wearing an Incheon United jersey, before flicking the ball into the air were my obsession rose like the angel she is and flicked the ball back beautifully to Mr Maradona.

“Excellent, nuestro salvador. Beto y Barry habrían errado el tiro por completo.”

“Excellent our saviour. Beto and Barry would have completly missed the ball.”

“Gracias, Diego. Siento llamarte; solo tengo una pregunta: ¿obligó JC al Sr. Pío a participar en el torneo de la FIFA?”

“Thank you Diego. I’m sorry to call you here, I have just one question, did Mr JC force Padre Pio to participate in the FIFA tournament?”

“Sí, nuestro salvador lo hizo. El señor Pío realmente no quería; ya sabes, lo de las manos pegajosas y todo eso. No es precisamente lo ideal para un mando de PS5.”

“Yes my saviour. Padre Pío really didn’t want to—you know, sticky hands are not exactly ideal for a PS5 controller.”

“Gracias, señor Maradona; ya puede volver a entrenar para su partido de cuartos de final contraDer Bomber el señor Müller”.

“Thank you Mr Maradona you may now get back to practicing for your quarter final against Der Bomber Mr Müller”

“Gracias mi Salvadora”

“Thank you my saviour.”

Mr Maradona kneeled and kissed my obsessions hand, which got my blood boiling more than Padre Pio, my head was about to do a scanners and explode, I grabbed a bottle of mineral water. Mr Maradona had been warned the last time we met about such insolence. No one’s lips are allowed to touch my sweets hands except mine and Bora’s. My deep love for Jihyo knows no bounds.

言葉はとぎれる

Fingertips touching;

触れる指先 まわり続ける宇宙も 僕らの肌に溶ける

The ever-spinning cosmos melts into our skin.

深く ゆっくり時はとまる

Woo Deeper Love

サテライト・ラバーズ Satellite Lovers  :  より深い愛  Deeper Love

I aimed the bottle of mineral water at Mr Maradona and hit his shoulder.

“Really Dunder’s you are useless. This is how you hit someone’s head.”

“Daughter Bora don’t you dare!!”

Mother Jihyo’s  command brought a stop to Miss “Bulls Eye” before the launch of her mineral water Exocet. Stopped in her tracks miss “Fire Tongue” breathed fire at Mr Maradona.

“이제 디에고, 꺼져. 그리고 다시는 손키스 같은 건 하지 마. 달콤한 배는 7세 미만의 가라테 실력을 가지고 있다”
“ije diego kkojo geurigo dasineun sonkisseu gateun gon haji ma dalkomhan baeneun chilsse mimane garate silryogeul gajigo ittta”

“Piss off Diego and don’t try that hand kissing thing again. Juicy Pear has Under Sevens karate skills!”

God she is so gorgeous when angry, she really is just one step below my ultimate obsession. JYB, Bora and my obsession are the Holy Trinity.

Not understanding Korean Mr Maradona simply smiled and waved as he left.

Mother Jihyo looking rather exhausted having to deal with what she considred complete nonsense asked Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat and my obsession to stand as she delivered her verdict.

“In The Case of the Celestial City verse Daughter of eEe Bora”

“Accusation Number One, Mr Dean.”

“Mr Dean cannot face up to the fact that all things change, records and empires fall, that is not Daughter Bora’s fault, it is a simple fact. All Daughter Bora did was progress to the next round of the FIFA tournament, with I have to say some skill setting a new goal scoring record. Out with the old in with the new if you will. This case falls.”

“Accusation Number Two, Mr Catterick and Mr Kendall.”

“There is nothing to answer for here. Mr Catterick and Mr Kendall simply chickened out of facing the PS5 skills of Daughter Bora. No case to answer.”

“Accusation Number Three, Padre Pio.”

“This is a case of bad management by Mr JC forcing an unfit Padre Pio to play in the FIFA tournament. In his condition it was like having Jake O’Brien at right back against any competent winger, the result was inevitable. The fiasco of Padre Pio exploding falls squarely on the shoulders of JC who forced him to play and refused to substitute him. No case to answer.”

Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat was stomping his feet in anger, steam coming from his ears.

“What about the two angels in the expansion cafe!”

“Seoul  Prosecutor Meerkat the expansion cafe cake incident happened before Daughter Bora arrived at the Celestial City and as such has no bearing on the case under consideration.”

“My final decision is Daughter Bora has no case to answer on any of the charges laid against her and can continue to participate in the FIFA tournament.”

Jihyo and I jumped for joy, we took Bora’s hands and raised them.

“Long live Mss PS5, Long Live Miss PS5. Mighty Bora’s Incheon United Army. Bora, Bora. We will hang the scumbags of FC Seoul one by one on the Banks of the 한강 (Han River)”

Our revelry was suddenly brought to a halt by the sight of two trapeze artists swinging above our heads holding a giant LED television. Where they came from was a mystery.

“Roll up, roll up for the greatest show on earth.”

A circus ring master, bright red tailcoat, black top hat and jodhpurs entered the Celestial Tent riding a penny farthing. Four strong men chewing nails and glass followed carrying a palaquin decorated in yellow and blue flowers, a white cutain hid the guest inside. The circus ring master dismounted from his penny farthing and called out.

“Ladies and Gentlemen I give you!”

he opened the curtain on the palaquin to reveal a plush cushioned interior were sat the 만신 (Manshin) we had come to know so well over the last few days. The 만신 (Manshin) was still dressed in her traditional green and blue 신복 (Sinbok) decorated with peacock feathers, black velvet 전립 (Jenolip) with orange and yellow tassels on her head, She shook the bells she held in each hand and pointed upwards to the LED screen television held by the trapeze artists as it flickered into life. Thousands of Evertonians were worshiping at Spaceship Central, the “March For Taylor” had reached its destination and the “Mao Historian” was preparing to speak to the blue sheep in front of the seven foot plaster cast of “Taylors Foot.”

광기를 멈춰라

Gwang-gileul meomchwola”

“Stop madness!”

was all the 만신 (Manshin) said while pointing at the trepeze hanging vision.

Bora looked piqued.

“Damn! Sweet Peach, Juicy Pear you won’t be able to stick around to watch my FIFA triumph. It seems you need to pay a visit to the godawful spaceship.”

“Seems that way darling”

Jihyo replied.

Mother Jihyo was not amused.

“I spend my whole time sorting this FIFA mess out and now you Daughter Jihyo and Peabrain are off galivanting down to that stupid spaceship. I really do give up. There will be a spring cleaning extravaganza waiting for you three once this FIFA tournament is over and this ridiculous march has been put in its place.“

“Mother Jihyo can you give myself and Juicy Pear a lift to the spaceship in the star riding steam train,”

my obsession asked sheepishly.

“Certainly not, find your own way to that monstrosity. As for you Daughter Bora I expect good behaviour for the rest of the tournament.”

“Certainly Mother Jihyo,”

replied miss “I’m always right,” fingers well and truly crossed behind her back.

We all waved Mother Jihyo off as she left back up to the stars in the golden steam train and the “Intergalatic Everley Brothers” recording session. Our 만신 (Manshin) friend shook her bells once Mother Jihyo had departed and a hole leading to a tunnel appeared in the ground.

“가다”

“Gada”

“Go”

was all she said along with,

“대전 하나 시티즌 FC 파이팅”

“daejeon hana sitijeun FC paiting”

“Up Daejeon Hana Citizen FC!”

before disappearing before our eyes.

My obsession took my hand.

“Time to go Juicy Pear, lets go and sort that stupid “Mao historian”out. As for you JC don’t try and fit our darling up on false charges ever again, and drop the fashion show clothing. Prosecutor Meerkat I’m afraid Louie wont be happy with your less than adequate prosecuting skills. Be prepared for a,  ha ha, hot reception when you report back. Dixie a few words are called for, you can come along with Me and Juicy Pear.”

Dixie silently walked towards myself and Jihyo taking a boot from Bora at the same time which sent him five feet in the air.

“Darling no more violence, I believe Dixie knows he over stepped the mark,“

said Jihyo.

Dixie won landing as moaning about his sore backside following miss “FIFA’s” expert volley.

There was no need to wish miss “FIFA” good luck, we knew she would wipe the floor with all participants, marching to Celestial City FIFA victory. Jihyo and I gave her a kiss and waved bye as we entered the tunnel along with the sulking Dixie, ready for battle down at Spaceship Central.

동무들 싸움에 자신있는 가고

Comrades, are you confident in the fight?” he asked warmly,

장군님 다정히 물어보실 때

And the soldiers all answered, “We shall triumph.”

병사들이 대답했다 : The Soldiers Answered 

조선인민군 공훈합창단 Korean People’s Army State Merited Chorus.

SALT CONTAINER PART TWO : DIM SKIES

今夜は、旅立つには星が足りない

Tonight, there’s not enough stars to set forth

あるいは、さらに一歩踏み出すことさえ

Or even take another step

カネコアヤノ  Kaneko Ayano :   花ひらくまで Until The Flowers Bloom

“Sweet Peach, Juicy Pear, let’s make a run for it”

whispered Bora.

The  Day Before

Mother Jihyo and husband Father Dallergut were sat down in the living room of their new  한옥 (Hanok) home.  After a few months of living there, they were fully settled in their new abode. It had been a wedding present from “Our friend in the North,” who has ways of getting things done even in the South. Situated in the 북촌 한옥 마을  (Bukchon Hanok Village), it was a traditionally designed 한옥 (Hanok)  made from wood and decorated with 한지 (Hanji traditional Korean paper), and a square 마당 (Madang Courtyard) to allow light into the four rooms they occupied.  In the centre of the 마당 (Madang Courtyard) stood a cherry blossom tree around which Mother Jiyho had planted peonies and rhododendrons. Mother Jihyo had made a 고구마 케익 (Goguma Cake, sweet potatoe cake) and was about to have a slice and a cup of 녹차 (Nokcha, green tea),with Father Dallergut. It was a little something to keep them going before setting off for 북한산국립공원 (Bukhansan National Park) and 도봉산 (Dobongsan Mountain) to meet the greens spaceship at midnight. Captain Nemo and Elvis, better known as the “Intergalactic Everly Brothers” out in the wide cosmos had invited them to the Messier 87 Galaxy in the Virgo Cluster. They were to be special guests at the recording of their latest disc, a cover of, or more precisely destroying  of Hako Yamazaki’s “I Want To Sing.” They may want to sing but there are those who wished instead they had their vocal chords removed. The “Intergalactic Everly Brothers” can match “Leo Soothsayer” and “Pepper Purple Toes”, in their ear splitting monstrous tones. Letting the deadly duo lose on one of the great Hako Yamazaki songs was surely a criminal offence! What Mother Jihyo saw in them really was a mystery.

歌いたいの 耳をふさいでもいいの
I want to sing, can I cover my ears?

歌わせてちょうだい 歌いたいの
Please let me sing. I want to sing.

山崎ハコ Hako Yamazaki : 歌いたいの I Want To Sing

Father Dallergut had just sliced two pieces of  고구마 케익 (Goguma Cake) and was about to pour two cups of 녹차 (Nokcha ) when a loud knock caused the 한옥 (Hanok) to shake and rattle as if rocked by an earth tremor.

“That’s  a loud knock!  Father Dallergut can you please go and see who is wrecking our front door,”

said Mother Jihyo.

Father Dallergut in a yellow and purple striped dressing gown and orange slippers went to see who was at the front door.  He came back a moment later his face drained of all colour, a translucent mirror.

“It’s, it’s a, a po, po, polar bear here to see you Mother Jihyo”

he stammered, hardly able to get his words out.

“Well don’t leave the furry creature standing outside ask them in.”

“But, but it might be da, da, dangerous”

“Father Dallergut we don’t want to be rude, now go and ask the polar bear in.”

Father Dallergut was by now so white and translucent you could see his hearst racing at a million beats a second in his chest. He turned all Ronnie Van Zandt as he went to ask the polar bear to come inside.

I was scared and fearing for my life
I was shaking like a leaf on a tree
‘Cause he was lean, mean
Big and bad, Lord

Lynyrd Skynyrd : Gimmie three Steps

(Songwriters Ronnie Van Zandt / Allen Collins)

Moments later a large  pristine snow white polar bear with shocking bright pink eyes, two balls of strawberry ice cream, stood in front of Mother Jihyo. The polar bear wore a similar bright pink necklace.

“지효 어머니, 세상의 구세주의 어머니를 뵙게 되어 영광입니다.”

“jihyo eomeoni, sesang-ui gusejuui eomeonileul boebge doeeo yeong-gwang-ibnida.”

“Mother Jihyo. I am honoured to meet the mother of the saviour of the world.”

said the polar bear with the pink eyes bowing deeply.

Mother Jihyo smiled.

“Thank you for the greeting my furry friend, such a nice welcome in Korean as well, but there is no need, you can speak English.  As you see I speak that guttural backward language fluently. I need to stay fluent for when I visit daughter Jihyo  and her two trouble making loves on that godforsaken European island. And you are miss?”

“Jewel Piolet,”

answered the polar bear with pink eyes.

“What a lovely name, I take it Piolet is in reference to the hero of the proletariat Mr Mercade.”

“It is,”

said a smiling Jewel Piolet, large sharp white teeth resembling stalagmites, pink eyes twinkling brightly.

“Splendid,”

said Mother Jihyo.”

“Father Dallergut come and say hello to our guest miss Jewel Piolet.”

Father Dallergut standing some distance away slowly came forward still shaking uncontrollably. Jewel Piolet held out a large paw the size of a giant boulder.

“Father Dallergut pleased to meet you.”

Father Dallergut held out a trembling hand which was quickly consumed in a warm furry paw.

“Gla, gla glad to mee, meee, meet you to miss Jewel Pi, Piolet,”

he finally managed to say shakily.

Mother Jihyo and Jewel Piolet both giggled.

“Don’t worry Father Dallergut I am not here to eat you both,”

said Jewel Piolet.

Mother Jihyo still giggling,

“Miss Jewel would you like to have a slice of 고구마 케익 (Goguma Cake) and  a cup of 녹차 (Nokcha,).

Jewel Piolet looked at the watch on her left front paw.

“We do have a bit of time before I take you to meet your transportation that would be splendid, thank you Mother Jihyo.”

With the niceties sorted Mother Jihyo and Father Dallergut, sat down to tea with Jewel Piolet, the polar bear with pink strawberry ice cream eyes. Being a large polar bear Mother Jihyo and Father Dallergut only had one small slither of 고구마 케익 (Goguma Cake), the rest went in one big Jewel Piolet munch. The same went for the 녹차  (Nokcha),  just one cup, miss Jewel Piolet drunk the rest by swallowing the teapot whole.

“Very tasty Mother Jihyo”

“Thank you. Now what is it you have come to see me about Miss Jewel, you mentioned transportation.”

“I’m afraid it’s your daughter and her two lovers. Miss “I’m always right” was let lose in the Celestial City to take part in the Celestial City FIFA World Championship, and let’s just say she has!”

Mother Jihyo held up her hand,

“Please you need go no further. What am I to do with those three. The love triangle of chaos wherever they go. They make the Republic of Korea’s (RoK)  pathetic World Cup campaign seem like it was an orderly state of affairs! Instead of a committee to reform the state of RoK football, Park Ji-sung should organise a committee to help me keep those three loveable rogues under control!”

“Ha ha, your friend Mr Kim was laughing his head off at the RoK’s pitiful World Cup display.”

“I bet he was. I and  daughters Jihyo and Bora are live and let live people. We support both RoK and the Democratic People’s Republic of Korean (DPRK), unlike Mr Kim and pea brain Dunder’s who only support DPRK.”

Jewel Piolet smiled.

“Doubling your chances.”

Her smile quickly drained to a grave face.

“I have to say although the football was good, real shame the Albiceleste fell at the final hurdle, the RoK were better off making a quick exit from the sick joke of a World Cup. It’s not just turning the World Cup into a rich persons play ground, a guess the celebrity television extravaganze, David Becham please fuck off, the final turned into a pop concert. “Never mind the football, what about the shit music.” FIFA a well oiled money machine. For the 2023-2026 World Cup cycle FIFA revised its budget up from an eye watering eleven billion to t staggering thirteen billion dollars. Money, money, money! An excellent article by the Esk shows how not just the World Cup but all football has become,

“Professional association football is no longer a sport and cultural asset that happens to make money; it is an entertainment-and-extraction business that happens to be played on grass. “

The delivery mechanism: How professional football has turned fans into a payment system

“ Mr FIFA boiled egg clown you know what you can do with your blood soaked extravaganza and rich friends. None of you will be in the last video.“

And screw all the perfect people

Jesus said that long ago

Chip Taylor : The Last Video

“All the ticket prices, pop concerts and celebrities is just the apéritif to the blood washed dollars. A country which started a war against the Islamic Republic of Iran, killed its religious leader and many innocent people, including over one hundred and fifty elementary school children and teachers at Shajareh Tayyebeh Elementary School, hosting and playing in the World Cup. One rule for Russia and another for the USA it seems. It is simply incomprehensible USMIT were allowed to compete in the tournament. The US should be banned from  FIFA. The way it treated the Iranian team, the Somali referee and many others, simple outright racism. The orange man’s interference phoning the lap dog boiled egg to get Florian Balogun’s red card overturned, simply appalling. It says something, especially in the West that people were more outraged about the Balogun incident than the US starting a was against the Islamic Republic. “Never mind the dead of Iran what about the red card!” But as the boiled egg  awarded the butcher orange man  a so called “peace prize” nothing surprises me when it comes to FIFA, the boiled egg and Orange Trupmton’s “Land of the Free.” There is an excellent piece showing how FIFA tied itself in knots breaking its own rules over the Balogun issue by the way.”

https://footbiz.beehiiv.com/p/footbiz-special-edition-fifa-political-interference-and-the-trump-balogun-red-card-intervention

“Quite right miss Jewel. What does Mr blood on his hands do the day after USMIT crashed out of the World Cup? Oh, let’s go and drop a few more bombs on the Islamic Republic. In fact it has been doing it for seven stright days since USMIT defeat. The orange butcher declaring the “Temporay ceasefire over.”

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cy748n8zx8ro

“Yet the boiled egg claims the World Cup has brought people together. On the Friday before the final speaking with the orange butcher by his side he said,“

“The American dream, Mr. President, came to reality, we united the world.”

and

“You don’t need people to compliment you, Mr. President, but this World Cup would not have been such an incredible success without you.”

https://www.espn.co.uk/football/story/_/id/49386705/fifa-president-infantino-proclaims-world-cup-success-un

“This while Mr Presidents miltary continues to kill people with impunity! But then again as FIFA and UEFA continue to allow Israel a country which has committed a modern day genocide, along with its football clubs to compete in their tournaments there really is nothing more to be said. Football is lost. FIFA does not even recognise the West Bank as Palestinian territory it’s Council saying”

“The final legal status of the West Bank remains ​an unresolved and highly complex matter under public international law,” 

https://www.reuters.com/sports/soccer/fifa-declines-action-israeli-clubs-disputed-west-bank-2026-03-19

“You really could not make this shit up miss Jewel. FIFA is nothing but an entertainment not sport money making organisation covered in blood, Iranian, Palestinian, Lebanese, Venezuelan.” It has the smell of greed and death hanging from its head to its toes.”

Ooh, that smell
Can’t you smell that smell?
Ooh, that smell
The smell of death surrounds you

Lynyrd Skynyrd : That Smell

(Songwriters Ronnie Van Zandt and Allen Collins)

“I don’t know what football is coming to Mother Jihyo, just a vehicle for Islamophobia and  mass murder. But let’s put that aside, when the  time comes the boiled egg, orange man and Mr genocide Netanyahu will be burning down below I gurantee this to you.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“On a more prosaic subject I see that hopeless bunch of royal blue idiots the saviour of the world is mixed up with are at it again.”

Mother Jihyo gave an exasperated sigh.

“I know, Transfer moves of the most underwhelming kind. Merlin Rohl is now a toffee. £17.5 million for a midfielder with a burst of pace and nothing more. The number of Evertonians who convince themselves Mr Rohl is a great asset is quite staggering.  The Echo and all the podcast and twitter “know it all’s,” are over the moon with Everton’s transfer business so far. Great stuff and getting business done early they chirp from their Finch Farm nests. In reality the signings to date  won’t have the toffees  flying in an upward trajectory. There will be no rewards at “Spaceship Central.”

生きているのか

I feel like I have the answer

わかったような気がします

It’s ok not to be rewarded

願いは叶わないということ

That wishes don’t come true

山崎ハコ  Hako Yamasaki  : 飛びます  Flying

“Hayden Hackney, Juicy Pear as Daughter’s Jihyo and Bora refer to the empty headed one has not seen much of Hackney. Once is all I believe.  Having seen him play just once judgement can be put on hold. What is not in doubt is the fee £16.5 million rising to £25 million if all add ons are met. “Paper bag Hammond” at it again. A player with just one year left on his contract. Middlesborough like Southampton with Dibling last summer go laughing to the bank. The “paper bag” bloke is a complete joke, but he is a mate of the “Mao historian” so let him get on with burning the toffees transfer kitty. Everton could have waited and got Hackney to sign a pre contract in January. But no “paper bag” goes splashing 16.5 million, rising upwards with add ons. Is Hackney so indispensable Everton could not wait to get their hands on him? . Of course, the Echo are out there along with the “Twitter scouts” claiming it is a great deal by the “paper bag,” signing a player who lot’s of clubs were after. Let’s get it right, it was only one, Crystal Palace, and Hackney had already made it clear he wanted to join the toffees. With such a scenario the fee paid for Hackney is expensive., lets hope he lives up to the price. The propogandists are out there, the Echo leading the way as always claiming genius signing, great deal, completely otherworldly. Also otherworldly was the Moyesiah’s claim that:”

“Hayden is a promising young player who we’ve been tracking for some time, and I’m looking forward to working with him.”

https://www.evertonfc.com/news/2026/july/02/everton-complete-hackney-deal

“Young player, Jesus he is twenty four. Does “Mr Windows 98” understand the meaning of young player?”

“Maybe a proper defensive midfielder Everton should have been a bigger priority. Jothry Mokio just eighteen, a defensive midfielder who can also get up the pitch when needed. He has a high ceiling and is a player Dunder’s pointed out on his last scouting paper.“

DIPLOMACY PART TWO: THIRTY SEVEN, FOURTEEN, ZERO NORTH, ONE HUNDRED FIFTEEN, FORTY EIGHT, THIRTY WEST

“ Could have been got for less money Everton splashed out  for Hackney. But the clowns at Everton don’t understand the meaning of the word scouting.  But let’s see how Hackney settles in, got to give him a chance, he may prove to be an astute signing showing why the toffees could not wait to get their hands on him.“

“Next up Tyrique George, who apparently is a world beater according to blues. £18 million up front, with add ons it could reach £24 million.”

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/cly7pvqde72o

“Did he really show anything while on loan at Everton last season, even if he only got fleeting appearances?  There are so many better out there who could have been had for around the same price the toffees splashed on George. One is running up and down for Ajax as we speak.”

“Of the three signings so far, two were on loan last season, not exactly new to the building. It is quite  something  the “know it all’s” think this is good business and will push Everton forward. The “alternate universes mob.” Daughter Jihyo informed  me “Juicy Pear”  will do his usual review of the toffees transfer window once it has closed. Apparently the troublesome three have given Mr Friedkin one more chance this summer.  Let’s just say they are not enthused with the summer business so far.”

“More worryingly the Centre Back positions, and defensive midfield position at the club is a catastrophe waiting to happen. If Branthwaite breaks down again I shudder to think about the consequences. As for full  back positions, well need I say more. Will the toffees rectify these problems adequately?  I very much doubt it. Everton have at presentspent £52 million this summer, add ons not included to basically stand still. The transfer business needs to improve massively, with the structure at the club I must agree with the troublemaking love triangle three, it will not.”

“As for the academy lets see how all the changes, and changes were needed develop.

https://www.evertonfc.com/news/2026/july/10/academy-update–new-look-coaching-teams

“The academy review undertaken by so called Technical Director Nick Cox, supported by Academy Director Dean Rastrick and Academy Consultant Neil Dewsnip, for god’s sake another has been “real football man.” Mr Dewsnip does not exactly fill the love triangle with enthusiasm, quite the opposite, which does not bode well for the just finished academy review. Heard all this review stuff before, Marcel Brands, the zipped jumper all spouted the same as Mr Cox.

Reflecting on the new coaching structure, Everton Technical Director Nick Cox said: “We are confident these appointments will help us create an excellent learning environment that is supportive and challenging for both our Under-21s and Under-18s players, as we look to strengthen that pathway into our Men’s team. Having worked closely with Dean and Neil, who has provided invaluable expertise as part of the process, I am in no doubt that the new roles and structure can fulfil our wider ambitions across the Academy of supporting young people to reach their full potential.

https://www.evertonfc.com/news/2026/july/10/academy-update–new-look-coaching-teams

“If Mr Dewsnip provided “invaluble expertise” I shudder to think what the outcome will turn out to be. Lets see were the academy is in, six, seven years, if this so called review is starting to bear fruit. I doubt it, but let’s give it a chance. But warm words alone won’t cut it Mr Cox.”

Jewel Piolet grimaced.

“I feel your pain Mother Jihyo. Daughter of Eve Jihyo really has her hands full with this Everton nonsense while running round with two lose cannons, even if lose cannon Daughter of Eve Bora is on her own unconventional path to sainthood.”

“Unconventional is putting it lightly. It will be very difficult when the time comes to get Bora through all the stages of becoming a living saint,

said Mother Jihyo with a strange smile, half happy and half angry.

Jewel Piolet roared with laughter which made Father Dallergut jump out of his skin, his body split in two with fright before reforming.

Jewel Piolet now with a stern face explained her presence.

“I was in 광주 Gwangju visiting the 5·18 국립묘지 ( 5·18 guglibmyoji May 18th National Cemetery), paying respects to the martyrs who were butchered.”

“A dark stain in Korean history miss Jewel. I hope you spoke to the martyr’s souls as they look down from heaven above.”

“I did Mother Jihyo. It was while I was at the cemetery a message came from Aslan about trouble in the Celestial City caused by miss “I’m always right. Aslan has a problem in Narnia at the moment; the White Witch has started to move again under her new generals Mr Rollerball and his red hordes and Mr Sun Tan Deck Chair and his zombies. He asked me to pass the Celestial Mission on to you. He trusts you implicitly. You are the only person who can reign in the lovesick trio. Aslan trusts you to bring order back to the “FIFA Queens” chaos.”

“I’m sure he does.”

Jewel Piolet laid out the Celestial City problem in all its gory detail.

“Miss “I’m always right” did not take long to bring her madness to heaven. We have Mr Dean holed up alone in his mansion raging sixty one, sixty one at the top of his voice. Mr Kendall and Mr Catterick have gone awol while Padre Pia is having daily blood transfusions, all because of Miss “Taz.” Two hundred angels have even had to be incarcerated in Belmarsh Mansion after signing a petition to be allowed down below to join “Stinky Breath Horn Head!.”

Are you referring to Mr Lucifer?”

asked Mother Jihyo.

“I am,”

said Jewel Piolet as she continued the tale of Bora’s “FIFA extravaganza”

 “Then there are the two hospitalised angels and the exploding galaxies which all happened before miss “FIFA” actually got to the Celestial City.”

“What! Exploding galaxies!”

Mother Jihyo could not believe her ears.

“On her journey to the Celestial City Miss “FIFA” stopped off at the “End of Time Expansion Café.” It is were Big G has his specialist angel chefs cooking new galaxies. You know expanding universe and all that. Miss “FIFA” was delighted to see the goings on at the cafe and asked if she could bake a galaxy.  Being very polite chefs, and not knowing the reputation of miss “FIFA,” they said of course. She was diligent mixing stardust, meteor rocks, a sprinkling of star light and Big G’s breath. It was put in the oven and came out looking spectacular, stars twinkling, planets forming. The angel chefs were stunned at her culinary skills. Unfortunately, the  “soju queen ” asked if she could have just one little glass of soju while making her galaxy cake. The Chefs obliged. She slipped a drop from the glass of soju into the galaxy cake mixture on the sly without anyone’s knowledge. Well, you can imagine the consequences of putting a drop of demon drink into such a delicate mixture, it put everything out of kilter. “Cygnus Stinky Breath 01” she called her baked creation. Away the mixture sailed with Miss “Big Bang” excitedly looking on. The explosion was massive and swallowed up one hundred and seventy six galaxies. Miss “Big Bang” was hopping around laughing and singing.”

エウレカ エウレカ エウレカ

ビッグバン

Eureaka, Eureka, Big Bang

エウレカ エウレカ エウレカ

ビッグバン

Eureaka, Eureka, Big Bang

サディスティック Sadistic Mikaela Band –・ミカエラ・バンド – Big-Bang, Bang!

“She had no thought for the two angels who were outside cleaning the cafe windows. They will be in the healing hospital for at least three months, had their wings blown clean off. Do you know how hard it is to grow wings back?  So, you see the situation is very grave,  I  shall be taking just you, not Father Dallergut to  도봉산 (Dobongsan Mountain). The “Intergalactic Everly Brothers” recording session is off I’m afraid.. You are needed up above. So, if you are ready it is time to leave. ”

Mother Jihyo gave an exasperated sigh.

“Just wait till I get my hands on those three. I have a constant migraine because of them., Every time I look into the box of their lives all I see is trouble. They are so difficult to control.”

見かけとは違う 箱の中身 気になってる

I’m curious about what’s inside the box, which isn’t what it seems.

だけど簡単には

But not easily

柔らかくなれない

I can’t be soft

カネコアヤノ  Ayano Kaneko :  難しい  Difficult

Father Dallergut came to the front door and helped Mother Jihyo climb on Jewel Piolet’s back. It was a late summer night and the stars were out although the sky was unusually dim. Mother Jihyo who is very good astronomer looked into the heavens.

“The sky is unusually dull tonight considering it is a clear sky. That’s strange 우르사 장조 (Ursa Major) and   카시오페이아 (Cassiopeia) seem to be rather dim. In fact, they seem to have lost some stars.”

“Daughter of Eve’ Bora’s handiwork I’m afraid, the soju infused universe cake,”

Jewel Piolet replied.

“Right, that’s it. Those three won’t know what has hit them. Let’s get moving miss Jewel, 동부고속도로 (Dongbu Expressway), is the quickest route,”

Mother Jihyo commanded.

Jewel Piolet set off at an astonishingly fast gallop. The wind blew all around stinging Mother Jihyo’s eyes as Jewel Piolet weaved in and out of the the central Seoul traffc without once slowing down. Car horns blared as angry drivers shouted at the strange sight of a polar bear with a passenger travelling at least one hundred miles an hour shooting past their puny efforts to keep up.

クロスタウン・トラフィック、ああ、気をつけろ、気をつけろ、気をつけろ
Crosstown traffic yeah, look out, look out, look out

クロスタウン・トラフィック、ああ、気をつけろ, あの通りに気をつけて
Crosstown traffic yeah, look out, watch that street.

衛星の恋人たち Satellite Lovers : クロスタウン・トラフィック Crosstown Traffic

(Songwriter Jimmy Hendrix)

 They were passing  대한불교조계종 길상사 (Gilsangsa Temple) when it happened. Blocking the road stood four cars of the 서울지방경찰청 교통 경찰 ( (Seoul Metropolitan Police Agency Traffic Police). A group of officers in their ivory white shirts and striped pants got out of the cars and one shouted

“멈추다”

“momchuda”

“Halt!”

while menacingly pointing a pistol.

Jewel Piolet came to a standstill, smoke came from her paws as she suddenly came to a stop, nearly throwing Mother Jihyo over her head.

“Are you ok Mother Jihyo.”

“Close call but I’m still here miss Jewel,

said Mother Jihyo before turning her attention to the traffic police.”

“이것의 의미는 무엇인가요”

“igose uimineun muosingayo”

“What is the meaning of this,”

demanded Mother Jihyo.

“북극곰을 과속한 혐의로 체포되었습니다”

“bukkkeukkkomeul gwasokan hyomiro chepodweotsseumnida”

“You are under arrest for speeding on a polar bear.”

replied the gun touting officer.

Before Mother Jihyo could say anything else a crack of thunder shook the sky and a yellow sulphurous cloud appeared from out which stepped,

“Mr Lucifer nice to see you again.”

”Mother Jihyo I’m charmed as always, boys please put those guns away. Sorry about that Mother Jihyo,”

said Satan. He was dressed in arctic clothing, woollen thermal base layer, fleece mid-layer and a fetching light brown coloured outer windproof/waterproof hard shell, winter boots and balaclava which had two holes for his horns.

“Bit overdressed for the summer I must say Mr Lucifer,”

“I’m on my way to see the White Witch,”

“The meeting with Mr Roller Ball and Sun Tan Deck Chair”

“Precisely. You know the White Witch she likes all that snow and ice most uncomfortable. Give me a sun lounger in the Lut or Mojave desert, or a refreshing swim in Hell Valley. Have you been to Hell Valley a wonderful place over in Taiwan.”

“No is it worth a visit.”

“There are lovely walks to be had around the lake. Temperature in the water is always between eighty and a hundred degrees centigrade, superb.  No one is allowed to swim there. I really must take “Miss Fire Tongue and “Peabrain” for a swim. Ha ha. Watch them quickly melt to just bones. Of course, I would not do such a thing to my greatest advisory your daughter Saint Jihyo.”

“Really Mr Lucifer you are such a cad”

“I do my best. But as for this little interruption, I’m sorry the boys won’t hold you for long, just until Miss “FIFA” has been expelled from the tournament. Sorry for the inconvenience, and boys look after Mother Jihyo well, as for the Narnian, a bit of torture may be called for.”

The next moment a singing voice floated through the air

愛を愛すること
Lovin’ love woo

恋に落ちている
So in love

私たちは楽園へ行ったことがある
We’ve been to paradise

衛星の恋人たち Satellite Lovers  :  自由な気分 Feelin Free

The doors of the 대한불교조계종 길상사 (Gilsangsa Temple) swung open and a 만신 (Manshin) in a flowing green and blue dress decorated with peacock feathers, a black velvet 전립 (Jenolip) with orange and yellow tassels on her head walked out of the temple. Her singing voice was in complete contrast to her centuries old wrinkled face which was like a cabbage with white watery eyes.  The 만신 (Manshin) shook the bells she held in each hand and proclaimed,

“하늘의 강력한 라면이 이 두 여행자를 돕습니다”

“haneure gangnyokan ramyoni i du yohaengjareul dopsseumnida”

“Mighty Lord Ramen in the sky help these two travellers”

The 만신 (Manshin) shook her bells once again. A deathly silence fell all around before squeaky voices rang out like a mosquito’s buzz.

“돕다   돕다”

“dobda  dobda”

“Help, Help”

The road was covered with a number of talking ramen noodles who were once 서울지방경찰청 교통 경찰  (Seoul Metropolitan Police Agency Traffic Police). To see a bunch of noodles crawling around like imitation worms was quite mind bending.

“Well, that was uncalled for, they were only doing their duty.”

said Satan as his tongue shot out, a ten foot snake with eyes. His snake eyes swept up the talking noodles along with an empty 로또 초콜릿 파이 (Lotto Chocolate Pie) wrapper, and a baby dolls head which had been lying in the road. along with two ants who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Satan swallowed his tongue captured booty before belching a smelly sulphorous cloud.

“Very tasty though I have to say.”

Mother Jihyo was not amused.

“Mr Lucifer that was also uncalled for.”

“Sorry Mother Jihyo but I was a bit peckish, all the White Witch ever offers me is bloddy Turkish delight. She is not the Queen of cooking that is for certain. Anyway, I must be off to see her and the new generals, time stands still for no one, not even the Lord of Darkness. Alas you have outdone me. Quite bothersome that 만신 (Manshin) I have to say. I trust you will judge the SALT III talks fairly.

“Of course.”

replied Mother Jihyo.

Satan smiled,

“Thank you, until next time,”

and in a puff of sulphurous smoke, he was gone.

“사랑 삼각관계,  자유,  혼돈 낙원”

“Sarang samgakkkwangye jayu hondon nagwon”

“Love triangle freedom, chaos, paradise,”

hissed the 만신 (Manshin) pointing to the sky before walking back to the 대한불교조계종 길상사 (Gilsangsa Temple), entering by walking through the temple walls like a ghost.

“So that is why our strange friend chose that song. I have a feeling she may have met the love triangle of madness. Onwards Miss Jewel we have no time to waste,”

said Mother Jihyo

“Hold on tight,”

replied Jewel Piolet as she set off at an even more rapid pace.

They arrived at   북한산국립공원;  (Bukhansan National Park) twenty minutes later and Jewel Piolet jumped over the gates. They were at the base of  도봉산. (Dobongsan mountain) moments later. With the lack of star light due to miss “Kipling’s” galaxy baking “experiment” it took longer than expected to reach the peak,. The trail was narrow, thorns, nettles, trees, lose gravel underfoot and deep ravines on either side. With only the dim starlight sky and Mother Jihyo’s mobile phone torch to guide them it made the journey to the summit quite perilous.  One slip and it would be down a ravine to be crushed to death, or lie with broken bones waiting for starvation. Skeletons to be found hundreds of years later.

They arrived at the summit after a couple of near ravine falling scares still in one piece.  Mother Jihyo gasped at the sight of the bullet proof one carriage golden steam train which awaited her, and the railway track leading up to the heavens. Two 조선인민군 특수작전군 (joseon-inmingun teugsujagjeongun / DPRK Army Special Force) soldiers standing to attention outside the golden steam train saluted and kneeled down in front of mother Jihyo.

성스러운 어머니, 환영합니다.

seongseuleoun eomeoni, hwan-yeonghabnida.

“Holy Mother welcome”

they cried.

“I take it this is where I depart Miss Jewel.”

“It is Mother Jihyo, have a safe and pleasant journey. The train and body guards are from “Your friend in the North.”

“What a lovely man and thank you Miss Jewel for your help. I look forward to meeting you again,”

“Likewise Mother Jihyo, likewise.”

Mother Jihyo climbed down from Jewel Piolet’s back and entered the steam train. She watched from the window waving to Jewel Piolet as the train rode the rail track up to the heavens. Mother Jihyo insisted on a detour to the “End of Time Expansion Café.” were she apologised profusely for miss “Kipling’s” “exceedingly good” explosion antics to all the chefs. The Chefs were overcome at being visited by the mother of the “Saviour of the World,” they were to put it mildly given quite a shock. They were like a group of “Taylor Swift” groupies. They invited Mother Jihyo to bake a galaxy cake which delighted her. She baked a magnificent galaxy cake with a few extra toppings. 우르사 장조 (Ursa Major) and  카시오페이아 (Cassiopeia) were quickly back to their shining stary best. Down on earth the night sky phenomenon was the talk of the planet the next day, astronomers from all around the globe debating what had caused the disappearance and reemergence of the stars.

This is how myself and my two angels found ourselfes not only faced with the trial and tribulations of the SALT III negotiations which were about to start, but the impending wrath of the representative of ACAS,  Mother Jihyo.

“Cleaning pads all round.”

Baby, your house get dirty and it need cleaning all the time.

“Baby, your house get dirty and it need cleaning all the time.

Johnny Nicholas : House Cleaning Blues

SALT CONTAINER PART ONE: NEWSNIGHT

What are they doing in heaven today
Where sin and sorrow are all done away?
Oh, peace, abounds like a river, they say
What are they doing there now?

Washington Phillips : What Are They Doing In Heaven Today

Versace Souvenir Leather Sandals £1020 were JC’s latest piece of footwear, he had moved on from the Prada Saffiano Leather Triangle Logo Sandals £720. The Prada although cheaper were just a bit to chic for his “man of the people image.” The Versace Souvenir Leather Sandals had  a more rough and ready “man in the desert” look. He had also dispensed with his rough woollen chiton and upgraded to a Piazza Castello Isaria Cashmere Cape only £1299.  Hearing “Angel number two,” explaining to Pope Francis and Mr Zedong how the Friedkin was turning Everton into a cash cow theme park piqued JC’s interest. He had Bora’s mansion where she was staying during the FIFA tournament bugged. “Got to give Diego an advantage,” was the plan. Incarceration of “angel number two” in the mansion, due to her as he called it “riotous behaviour”  quickly followed. Bora on the streets of the Celestial City was not a good mix! When Pope Francis and Mr Zedong visited the imprisoned heroine JC heard all about “Spaceship Disney Land.”

Things can move pretty quickly in the Celestial City when JC wants something, hey presto a giant forty floor Sandal  and Robe “Desert World,” boutique selling cheap imitation Versace Souvenir Leather Sandals, Prada Saffiano Leather Triangle Logo Sandals and Isaria Cape’s  went up overnight.  If JC says they are the real thing all the angels in heaven believe it without question.  Lines of winged halo ones stretched up the golden boulevard, all waiting to buy the cheap imitations to the tune of Robbie Fulks playing over speakers. A cheeky joke courtesy of JC. He certainly wanted all the angels nickel and dimes, but I think every haloed one quickly realised what the nickel and dimes in the song refer to. A bit risqué for JC.

Some, they like folded money
Clipped tight like their fat neckties
Quarters they can take to the laundry
But I think they’re just a bit outsized
Ooh, I gotta stick my hand down
I gotta touch ’em from time-to-time
Coolest little things I know
And I love, love, love nickels and dimes

Robbie Fulks : Nickles and Dimes

“Angel number two” along with Mr Zedong and Mr Lenin organised a picket of “Desert World,” warning the long queue of winged wonders about the sandal and cape scam, but it was to no avail, even as they sang revolutionary songs.

노래로 승리를 거둘 것이다

We will win victory with a song

혁명을 소리 높여 찬양하며,

Praising loudly the revolution

우리는 그러한 승리를 거둘 것입니다!

We will achieve such victories

혁명군가높이 승리해 가리라 – We’ll Win Victory, Singing Loudly the Revolutionary  Songs            

조선인민군공훈합창단 Korean People’s Army State Merited Chorus

(Music 강숭웅 Kang Sung Ung / Lyrics 신운호 Sun Un Ho)

Bora with her beautiful vocal chords sang exquisitely. Mr Zedong and Mr Lenin on the other hand are not the greatest singers; they sound like they smoke at least a hundred a day. They could make a foursome with “Leo Soothsayer” and “Pepper Purple Toes.” “The Heaven and Hell Quartet!”

“Our friend in the North” would be as proud of “angel number two” as Jihyo and I on hearing about her proletarian adventure. JC sent a crack angel SAS team to break the picket and beat “angel number two” and her comrades with Styrofoam batons. Brutal and vicious!

Within hours of “Desert World” opening its doors the gold and diamonds were rolling in, that’s what goes for money in the Celestial City. What JC was actually going to spend all the gold and diamonds on, everything is more or less free in heaven, is anyone’s guess. But once you have caught the Friedkin bug I suppose you can’t help yourself.

“A spitfire with a supersonic engine, or a golden golf club probably. Oh yeah let’s add a Christopher Ward watch. He is not stupid enough to buy any Unique Seats to watch the “Moyesiah losers,”

said Bora meaningfully. She had been telling my obsession and myself about her time in the Celestial City, JC’s brutality and Friedkin tendencies. She continued with her tirade.

“Do you know JC even had me banned from having a drop of 소주 (soju) or the 호박색 꿀 (amber nectar).”

“Disgraceful”

I said.

I zipped my lips following my comment and Jiho’s death stare.

“Dunder’s when it comes to “Louies” demon drink you are just as bad.”

Angel number two continued nonstop, a runaway train.

“He even banned me from touching a drop of  친교 포도주 (communion wine,) you tell them Franny.”

Pope Francis dressed in a fetching blue and red San Lorenzo cassock, (no rip off  Isaria Cape imitation for him), nodded,

“That is true you holiness and Mr Peabrain.”

Pope Francis and Mr Zedong in his usual Mao suit were both sat waiting with “angel number two “ when Jihyo and I arrived at the Celestial tent.

“Do you know something else!”

“Angel number two” was leading up to a devastating crescendo and slipped into full Korean mode.

“황금으로 장식된 저택, 황금 거리, 다이아몬드, 진주가 가득한 천상의 도시에 빌어먹을 이케아 매장은 하나도 없군.”

“hwang-geum-eulo jangsigdoen jeotaeg, hwang-geum geoli, daiamondeu, jinjuga gadeughan cheonsang-ui dosie bil-eomeog-eul ikea maejang-eun hanado eobsgun.”

“Mansions, streets of gold, diamonds, pearls you name it,  yet the Celestial City does not have one fucking IKEA.”

The verbal bullet ripped through my body. My head was swimming, I felt dizzy, my vision became blurred. My one great hope was “Angel Number Two” would bring back the chosen IKEA kingsize after her FIFA victory. A special victory medal so to speak for Jihyo and me.  I mean surely you can get anything in the Celestial City. How could there be no IKEA? My mind could not grasp such a concept. Is this what Christian with his burden travelled all that way for! Pope Francis and Mr Zedong held me tight, stopping me from crashing to the floor in a faint.

“Hold on my dear boy!”

“I know Juicy Pear I feel the same. Triangulation night still has to wait,”

Jihyo said with deep disappointment. My obsession was just as downcast as myself at the IKEA news. Only Bora with her next uplifting thoughts saved us both from a deep depression.

“But I knew you would turn up Sweet Peach. I was not sad I knew you and Juicy Pear would come to put IKEAless JC in his place. I will continue on my journey to the FIFA crown. Our love will withstand this latest IKEA disappointment. I really will wring Mr IKEA’s neck one of these days!|”.

この間観たアニメはラブレター

The anime I watched the other day is a love letter to you

食べかけの桃を

A half-eaten peach

忘れたまま歌う愛を

Still forgotten, I sing of love

カネコアヤノ  Kaneko Ayano   :  나는 슬프지 않아  I’m Not Sad

I was sat in between my two angels; Pope Francis and Mr Zedong were on either end. We were seated at a showy highly polished ornate mahogany table. Crystal glasses and mineral water were the only refreshment, except for a special bottle of Celestial City Pear Juice with my obsessions name on. A nice touch. We each had a name plate in cheap plastic compared to the golden name plates which we sat across from.  Four empty chairs were next to the golden name plates of Jesus Christ, Archangel Gabriel, Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat and a mysterious Mr D which intrigued us.

“Whose this Mr D dude Sweet Peach?”

asked “angel number two.”

My obsession was as much in the dark as us all. She phoned Dixie on her mobile.

“The person you have called is unavailable. Please leave a message after the beep.”

“Hmmm”

was all she said.

The celestial tent was lit by hanging lanterns and decorated with wind chimes and and cheap 1970’s lava lamps, giving a psychedelic hippy feel to the occasion. JC in his 1960’s San Francisco period it seemed. An Angel Wings TV crew was finishing setting up television cameras in one corner of the tent.  The news anchor Saint Barnabas dressed in fake Versace Souvenir Leather Sandals and Piazza Castello Isaria Cashmere Cape was discussing the disarming of “Angel number two” with his cohost Joan of Arc . Saint Joan was similarly dressed. Her two diamond earrings which she had pierced on her wings, Chanel 31 La Rouge Satin lipstick and well glossed hair added a certain sparkle to JC’s knock off clothes. The “FIFA SALT III Talks” or the “Trial of Miss Fire Tongue” as the Celestial City red tops had dubbed it, was apparently to be shown live on every channel of Celestial TV. The World Cup was taking a back stage to the disarmament talks.

“Burnley rightfully awarded £35 million for Everton breaching PSR is nothing compared to the “SALT III” talks and the disarming of miss “fire tongue,” Sister Joan, how do you see the trial, I mean talks going,”

said Saint Barnabas into the camera. The camera closed in on Joan of Arc.

“Well Barney, it seems JC has in an open and shut case. He even has a member of miss “fire tongues” coalition team to aid his case. Saving the world is one thing, but saving the toffees and keeping her two loves in check is on a whole different level. Saint Jihyo has on many occasions won court cases on behalf of the 소주 둘 (soju two), this time she may have finally met her match, unless complete disarmament of miss “fire tongue,” is agreed to.  The dark shadow of defeat stands in her way. I can’t see how miss “fire tongue” will be allowed to compete in the rest of the FIFA tournament. Expulsion seem inevitable.”

” 晴れた日、桜の花びらがひらひらと舞い落ちる中、なぜかその少女は立ち止まる。

On a sunny day, cherry blossoms  flutter down, for some reason the girl stops

彼女は下を見ると、暗い影が見えた。

She looks down and sees the black shadow

彼女は決して自分から離れない影を知っている

She knows the shadow that will never leave her

山崎ハコ Hako Yamazaki  : 桜の日  Cherry Blossom Day

Jihyo smiled.

“It seems Angel Wings TV is as biased as the BBC. Our negotiating partners are making us wait. A bit of psychological pressure. All a bit childish and pathetic.”

“Check under everyone of our chairs and our side of the table.”

An Angel Wings TV sound engineer was on his hands and knees crawling around to Bora’s instructions.

“Darling what are you doing”

“Can’t trust JC Honeybun.  Believe me he will have our chairs bugged for sure.”

“But darling he will be sat across from us, why would he need to bug our chairs?”

“It makes no difference. He has learnt many things from his own dealings with  “Stinky Breath Horn Head,” especially when he was having his chats with him out in the wilderness. He has devloped TFG dollar tendencies, bet his whole sweat shop sandal and robe empire on Diego winning the FIFA tournament. Why else do you think he wants me disqualified. Any slight advantage he will take. He even has a set piece coach to take long microphone throw ins. They were flying over my head non stop before my mansion incarceration, picking up every word I said.”

The Angel TV sound engineer received a slap when no bugs were found.

“Useless! Call yourself a sound engineer! Get out of my sight””

Joan of Arc approached my obsession.

“Saint Jihyo before your negotiating partners arrive would you like to say a few words on the imminent “SALT III” discussions.”

“I’m afraid until I hear what is on the table that is out of the question, I’m sure you understand.”

“Could you at least give us a few words on your greatest mission, trying to save the pack of losers who play at the spaceship.”

“Of course, what is it you would like to know?”

On agreeing to Saint Joan’s request a makeup artist, Saint Bernadette, rushed to brush Joan of Arc’s hair and make certain her lipstick and eyeliner were perfect. The most beautiful women in the world, my obsession did not need any such niceties.

Joan of Arc faced the camera.

“On this momentous day we will be filming the “SALT III ” discussion live. The head of Miss “Fire tongues” delegation, Saint Jihyo has kindly agreed to say a few words on her most difficult mission. Not the “Salt III” discussions, not saving the world, but heading up the Anti Moyesiah, Mao Historian coalition. Attempting to save Everton Football Club from more years of misery. A noble cause some might say. Saint Jihyo do you have any views on the players released by Everton Football Club, the fixture list for the new season and “Mr Windows 98″ interview with “Jim Shite” on “Talk Poison?”

Jihyo smiled at the camera; I turned to jelly.

“First of all, thank you Sister Joan for allowing me the opportunity to speak to the Celestial nation about the joke football club which one of my two loves supports.  I have inevitably been pulled into the deep dark abyss of Everton Football Club, my love for Dunder’s has no limits.  The list of released players you refer to highlights yet again the complete mess the academy structure is at Everton Football Club. I understand the released  players had contracts to the end of June, but the question is why were they still at the club?  Players such as Reece Welch 22, Francis Okoronkwo 21, Roman Dixon 21, Tyler Onyango 23 and the others on the  list had no right to still be at the club. To think some blues thought Dixon was good enough for the first team is rather mind bending in its absurdity.”

“By the time an academy player is twenty, if they are not around the first team, and I do not mean  making a couple of appearance such as Onyango, Dixon and Welch, they are in all probability never going to make it professionally at Everton. There are always late bloomers, but in the main if a player is nowhere near the first team squad by the time they are twenty they should be moved on.  The players on the list should have been moved on quite some time ago instead of blocking the pathway for other younger academy players. But not at Everton, it’s  just let’s keep them kicking a ball around for the Under 21’s for no good reason. “

“The academy has been stuck in the past for eons handing out contract extensions to players who never had the capability to progress. Even with the released list the present Under 21 crop at the club is littered with players who will never make the grade. Elijah Campbell, Omari Benjamin, Coby Ebere, Joel Catesby, Francis Gomez to name just a few, all contracted until 2027. Most will be released this time next year for nothing, the Everton way.  Omari Benjamin signed a three year contract in 2024. The club really needs to be more ruthless, contracts such as three years for Benjamin is ridiculous, unless the player is a really special talent. Benjamin certainly is not. This is why I can’t be on the warpath over Demi Akarakiri like most, who unlike Dunders have never watched him play, yet hit social media screaming outrage with his prospective move to Cagliari.“

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/everton-midfielder-closing-transfer-serie-34152013

“Akarakiri has played well for the under 18s when I have watched him, but is he a real hot prospect as some believe? The answer is no. I would have liked him to get a contract for a year with an option of another year if he progressed. I would do something similar for all academy players unless they are really talented. Giving out three year contracts such as Benjamin got in 2024 is ridiculous.”

“ Only a very small minority of academy players ever make it into a clubs first team, the BBC reported it is 0.012%. This highlights the absurdity of Everton keeping players on in the academy for lets say it as it is, no good reason. A whole reset of the academy structure is needed.“

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/extra/hfe5e1289y/The-Impossible-Dream

“Producing players who can be sold for a profit should be a fundamental cornerstone of an academy. Players who may not make it at Everton but can bring in transfer fees. I’m not talking about minimal fees the club may pick up for the Isac Heath’s of this world, but reasonable profits. Is this an aspiration at Finch Farm? “

 “Everton need to be more ruthless deciding quickly if an academy player has a chance to develop instead of having a list of players every June in their twenties let go for nothing. Released academy players happen at every club, but should this be the norm at Everton? The coalition advocate quicker decisions on academy players. This may mean losing one or two who may be late bloomers, but in the long run will be more beneficial to the club.“

“Players such as Dixon, Welch, Onyango only now being released is a damning indictment of the Everton academy. The first step for change is to have a proper thought out strategy running through the academy, a system of play, I would advocate two systems, for all levels up to the first team. Do Everton have even one? A renewal of the coaching staff, new blood, new ideas, and  the removal of Under 21’s manager Paul Tait  should be undertaken without delay.  The club is riddled with the “he is a good blue culture.” It permeates every nook and cranny at Finch Farm preventing any sort of progress. Does the coalition have confidence any of this will take place under new Academy Head Dean Rastrick?  Let’s wait and see. He made all the usual feel good, heard it all before statements on his appointment in April,“

“Everton is renowned for its track record of developing young talent and, with the help and support of everyone at Finch Farm, I’m relishing the challenge of building on the strong foundations that are already in place.”

https://trainingground.guru/rastrick-appointed-academy-director-by-everton

“You don’t say Neal. Heard all this sweet talk countless times before. The proof will be in the pudding, I’m not holding my breath. The cancer at the club is to deep”

“As for the fixture list who cares. We get the nonsense from the social media world and of course the Echo every season saying, “Everton have a real chance to start the season well.” They just can’t help themselves in their insane nonsense.”

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/everton-chance-flying-start-before-34149125

“The fixture crap was soon followed by the social media guru’s going apoplectic over “Talk Poison” World Cup  pundit, which says more about him than anything, “Mr Windows 98” telling “Jim Shite”:

“I don’t know if a club like Everton now we can make big, huge strides but we see how well the likes of Bournemouth and Brentford are doing, so there’s no reason why we all shouldn’t have those ambitions to try and at least match those clubs and how they go about it.”

“But I would have to say that at Everton we are trying to be back up at the top end of the teams that we can. For long periods of last season, we were, we just didn’t quite have enough in the last four or five weeks of the season.

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/david-moyes-says-everton-must-34157308’

“First of all there is nothing wrong saying Everton should try and match Bournemouth and Brentford, I would also add Brighton. This is where Everton are as a club. The toffees should take a leaf out of these club’s books and scout the world, use analytics and data, bring in young cheap talent who can be sold for a profit while also helping propel Everton further up the league table. Of course, the arrogant toffee social media crowd cry,

“Lack of ambition, dinosaur, looking to only match little clubs like Bournemouth, we are Everton”

“History and all that crap. The Liverpool Echo are masters at polluting the airwaves with this sort of nonsense, ever since a certain podcaster brought the subject up on a Royal Blue Podcast months ago. They get all hot and bothered when teams such as the three B’s do better than Everton”

“This should not be allowed, were is your history!”

“There brainless arrogance, and it is not only the Echo, social media gurus aplenty, is frankly sickning.”

“The coalition have been saying from the day the “Moyesiah” “Mao historian” and the ridiculous so called leadership team rocked up at Finch Farm, disaster will be the inevitable end to this monstrosity. Everton should look to models such as Brighton, Bournemouth, Union Saint Gilloise, AZ Alkmarr, Strasbourg, bringing in talent from around the world who can be sold on for profit. But there is a problem. “Mr Windows 98” might spout on about copying the three  B’s of this world, he has probably never heard of the other clubs I just mentioned the neanderthal, but one of the reasons Everton won’t be able to carry out such a strategy is Mr “Windows 98” himself. A manager so far behind the modern game dinosaurs were actually sat in the stands when he was in his pomp. He could not name a young talent beyond the Premier League or his favourite Championship to save his life. Probably thinks Asia is some far off Galaxy, or a quasi god awful 1980’s prog rock band. Added to this the club has a brainless CEO whose views on football and DoF’s are frightening in there gormlessness, while a brainless so called leadership team, as last summers transfer window proved,  is so far out of its depth, submarines swim above them. Juicy Pear may only have a brain the size of a pea but there is one thing he is good at. He knows more about world football and can scout better than anyone at Everton. His latest scouting report we handed to the Friedkin in person. But it will mean nothing. The club will continue on its merry way chasing the “Taylor Swifts” and Jarred Bowens of this world. It is so sad.“

DIPLOMACY PART TWO: THIRTY SEVEN, FOURTEEN, ZERO NORTH, ONE HUNDRED FIFTEEN, FORTY EIGHT, THIRTY WEST

 “The club owners TFG don’t care about any of this. They have no plan; no strategy except to turn Everton into a cash cow theme park. The toffees could have a great start to the new season, it will mean nothing, The whole footballing  structure at the club is pathetic. Without the removal of “Mr Windows 98” the “Mao historian” and the “next step in humanities evolution  committee,” Everton will continue to flounder and inevitably end up next season mid table at best, and I mean at best, it may be worse. The fixture list is inconsequential.“

“But never mind as long as supporters keep the cash flowing into the TFG investment. Unique Seat anyone. The disgrace of the club pushing Forever Blue+ membership, only £60 to have the right to go into a ballot for the small number of match tickets and go to the top tier of the season ticket waiting list.“

https://www.evertonfc.com/news/2026/june/18/forever-blue-membership-2026-27—available-now-

“At the same time as the Forever Blue membership propaganda, the club has the absolute cheek to publicise its totally disgusting Unique Seat scam, ”If you have the money no need for a ballot, rampant capitalism at its finest. . “Peoples Club” it is not.  For the new season, Crystal Palace opening game cheapest Unique Seat £115 per person, dearest £1699 and plenty in between. The derby in September cheapest £349 per person and dearest £2499. Let’s all buy a Christopher Ward Watch and play golf at the same time.“

https://www.seatunique.com/sport-tickets/football/everton-fc-tickets?utm_source=solus&utm_medium=popup&utm_campaign=202600619_sport_football_Everton–RV–INFO–EFC

“The club I watch with my two darlings  home and away I do out of loyalty and love for my Juicy Pear. Everton as an institution disgusts me.”“

People fighting one another

And think they are doing swell

And all they want is your money

And you can go to hell

Sister Rosetta Tharpe : That’s All

“The coalitions fight my dear Joan is not just to put Everton back on the right football path, but to save its very soul.”

“Thank you Saviour of the World , Saint Jihyo.”

“My pleasure and remember Saint Joan, Incheon United are the only football club that counts.”

As Jihyo’s television interview came to an end Archangel Gabriel entered the tent, armour dazzlingy polished to the nth degree, sword flaming as ever. He was accompanied by Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat in a new long flowing black prosecutor gown, solid gold pincer glasses, with the real deal Versace Souvenir Leather Sandals on his feet.

“Meery bet Officer Copper Pot will be all hot and bothered when she sees you in that new outfit. Nice pincers,”

shouted a smirking miss “fire tongue,” which had myself and Jihyo in stiches. Archangel Gabriel and Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat took their seats without saying a word. Music rung out

Can’t no grave hold my body down
Can’t no grave hold my body down
Y’know when the first trumpet sound, I’m gonna get up out of the ground
Can’t no grave hold my body down

Sister Rosetta Tharpe : Can’t No Grave Hold My Body Down

(Songwriter Brother Claude Ely)

JC entered the tent dancing, polished Versace Souvenir Leather Sandals, Piazza Castello Isaria Cashmere Cape freshly pressed, gold wraparound ray bans hiding his eyes.

“Yeah baby ain’t no grave is true”

 he said pointedly at Jihyo as he took his seat.

He was quickly brought down to earth as my obsession shot back,

“Pity you could not save the world though JC, grave jumping is all you have got, leaving all the dirty work to me. Remember who you are talking to.”

君が例えば知らないところで

I was thinking, for example, if you were in a place I didn’t know

誰にどんな喋り方をしてるとか

And who you’re talking to in what manner

カネコアヤノ  Kaneko Ayano : 明け方  Dawning

My love, my lust,  my everything I give to this woman. My mind whirled in wonder as my obsession put JC in his place.

“We still seem to be one short on your delegation grave jumper. By the way “Camel and Needle,” does that not apply to you? It seems you are Mr fashion accessory nowadays”

“Just keeping up with the Joneses. Besides you can talk when “miss won” is a bank card demon.”

“I do it to please Sweet Peach and Juicy Pear, no other reason,”

Bora shouted. Jihyo did he gorgeous rolling of her eyes at that remark. I was jelly yet again.

JC was on the backfoot after Jihyo had blasted him for his Friedkin tendencies. He seemed to recover slightly as music started to play again and the mysterious Mr D entered the tent.

Yes,
he’s the chief, he’s the king,
but above everything,

He’s the most tip top–
Top Cat!

The Hanna-Barbera Singers : Top Cat

(Song writer Hoyt Curtin)

Comrade Dixie entered with four little Versace Souvenir Leather Sandals, (the real ones) on his paws and a small Piazza Castello Isaria Cashmere Cape over his body. He had gone for Miu Miu wraparound sunglasses.

“Why you smelly rancid fur pot!”

screamed Bora, who with the accuracy of a world darts player sent a bottle of mineral water flying at Dixie. The furry one being an agile cat jumped behind Archangel Gabriel who quickly had a crimson face.

“The SALT III talks seem to have got off to a bad start”

Joan of Arc was excitedly reporting to the television audience.

Just before things could get any worse on the negotiating front a loud hooting sound ripped through the air outside the Celestial tent. JC gave the signal for the two angels standing on guard to open the tent flap. A railway track came down from the clear cloudless blue sky on which travelled a bulletproof one carriage Steam Train, billowing black clouds from its funnel leaving a long black snake trailing away into the desert. To see of all things a steam train appearing in the sky, never mind the desert was certainly a surprise to us all, including JC. The steam rain came to a halt in front of the Celestial tent . We waited in anticipation. What was this strange apparition.? The door of the bulletproof carriage swung open, two 조선인민군 특수작전군 (joseon-inmingun teugsujagjeongun / DPRK Army Special Force) soldiers stepped out, resplendent in camouflage, helmets with night scanners attached and Type 88 Bulpup assault rifles over their shoulders. They rolled out a blue and black carpet before standing to attention and in loud booming voices proclaimed,

“ACAS 대표님을 환영해 주시기 바랍니다.”

ACAS daepyonim-eul hwan-yeonghae jusigi balabnida.

“All please welcome the representative of ACAS.“

Fear gripped myself and my angels, we knew.

“Sweet Peach, Juicy Pear, let’s make a run for it!”

whispered Bora.

結局のところ、あなたたち全員、自分の命が私にかかっていることを知るべきだ。

In the end you all should now your life depends on me

救いを求めるなら

If you want salvation

その手数料を支払っておいたほうがいいよ

You better pay the fee

カイト Kaito : 汚職の判決 Judgement of Corruption

To be continued

DIPLOMACY PART THREE: REFLECTIONS IN A MIRROR

値上げもやむを得ぬ

A price raise this year is unavoidable

値上げもやむを得ぬ

A price raise this year is unavoidable

高田渡  Wataru Takada : 値上げ Price Rise

I was holding Jihyo’s hand as tight as possible as we ventured further and further into the wardrobe. “Stinky Breath Horn Head” may have said it was specially imported from Narnia but who could believe Satan? We had our fill of “Mr Tuxedo” of late with his desert conversation and Area Fifty One trick. We finally stepped from the wardrobe which immediatley vanished. We stood in a narrow alley, large walls either side, long straight mountains stretching upwards blocking out the stars from the dark cloudless night. Bin bags, vomit, faeces, cans, bottles littered the alley. A decrepit building was in front of us at one end of the alley with 만신  미궁(Manshin Labyrinth) in letters barely hanging above the doorway. Two dark shadows lay at the foot of the doorway of  만신  미궁(Manshin Labyrinth).  The sound of traffic, the hub bub of a city street floated on the wind behind us. We turned around looking up the alley. A cat sat on top of an unturned bin eyeing a rat which was feasting on fish bones from a ripped open bin bag, its contents empty noodle packets, milk cartons dried out tea bags scattered around like the dead on a battlefield. A dog lay dying next to a bin bag ripped open, empty Tesco and Sainsbury pineapple chunk containers and jars of Bovril lay next to it. Vomit ozzed from the dogs mouth, eyes and nose. A brick wall blocked the end of the alley. Jihyo glowed blue and laid her hands on the dog which whinned as it recovered from the pineapple / Bovril posioning. It moved on to an half eaten pot noddle.

“There must be an opening Juicy Pear you can hear the sound from the street behind that wall,”

said Jihyo. We tiptoed across the alley flotsam and jetsam up to the wall. It was a sheer brick wall at least twenty feet high blocking the alley, no doorway was visible to allow us to get to the street on the other side.

“Hello, can anyone hear us, “

I shouted in unison with my obsession. No reply came. We tried again and again,

“Hello, can anyone hear us, “

we received no answer. We could hear traffic, the sound of people chattering as they walked by but no one seemed to hear or heed our cry for help. We had no choice but to turn around and head for the very unwelcoming 만신  미궁(Manshin Labyrinth). As we closed in on 만신  미궁 (Manshin Labyrinth) the two shapes slowly stood up on all fours. Before us stood two six foot hell hounds their fur standing on end, teeth filed into rows of sharp arrows, saliva dripping from hungry mouths, eyes glowing blazing hell fire red,  The hell hounds growled menacingly like a washing machine whose drum was wearing out.

And the days keeps on worryin’ me
There’s a hellhound on my trail, hellhound on my trail
Hellhound on my trail

Robert Johnson : Hell Hound On My Trail

Jihyo looked straight into the hell hounds fiery eyes unperturbed. I on the other hand was quaking in my boots with thoughts of my flesh being ripped apart. Fresh warm meat for our two furry friends!

“Go and tell that fox: I am driving out demons and performing cures today and tomorrow, and on the third day I shall finish my work”

Luke : 13 : 32

Catholic Good New Bible (2005 edition)

The hell hounds immediately lay down on their stomachas front legs stretched out in front. Jihyo linked arms,

“JC took three days he really needs to up his game,”

her smile a wonderful torch in the dark alley.

We walked arm in arm past the hell hounds, I was still a bit on edge as they breathed sulphur from their foul smelling saliva dribbling mouths. The door of 만신  미궁 (Manshin Labyrinth) was a tree bent in the wind ready to topple on a car windscreen, it hung on one buckling hinge. A slight push and a cloud of dust tickled our throats and made our eyes sting as the tree fell. We stepped over the door, a dark staircase led downwards lit by one fading light bulb, its dim yellow casting a weak shadow over numerous spider webs which hung like wiry chandeliers. Wooden stairs creaking and splintered covered in thick dust led us downwards. We opened a door at the bottom of the staircase and entered a room which had ten tables all lit by candle light.  A man and women sat at each table, whiskey, soju, wine in expensive sparkling glasses stood on the tables. Expensive suits and night dresses was the formal attaire of the guests, shiny shoes, rings, necklaces reflecting the candle light like fireflies in a forest. The strange thing was the people never moved, they were mannequins. The walls of the room were covered in paintings of famous shamans, 단군) ( Dangun),  천왕성모  (The Holy Mother of Mt. Jiri ),  정사신파  (Jeongsa Sinpa), 김금화 ( Kim Keumhwa),  김윤수 (Kim Yunsu). A stage with a brown chest and a notice board was set up in front of the mannequins. One table was empty, two chairs waiting for their occupants.

“It seems we are expected,”

whispered my angel as we sat at the one remaining table.

I looked around,

“I don’t like this my love it could be a trap by “Stinky Breath Horn Head.” I don’t want to end up a cooked fish on a plate.”

僕たちはある日釣られてさ　光るウロコは剥がされて

We were caught one day, and the glowing scales were peeled off

自慢のエラも使えない　ここは火の海泳げない

I can’t even use my amazing gills, I can’t swim in the sea of fire

金子あやの Ayano Kaneko : さかな  Fish

Recorded applause rang out from two speakers hanging from the tiled ceiling as of all  people the 만신, (Manshin) we had met in the desert walked on stage pushing a large mirror on wheels. The mirror was around around eight foot high decorated with feathers and different coloured ribbons.  The  만신, (Manshin) stood on stage dressed exactly as when we met her in the desert, flowing green and blue gown decorated with peacock feathers. On her head the same black velvet 전립 (Jenolip) with orange and yellow tassels. The 만신, (Manshin) took a black magic wand with a white tip from the chest and without any words began a magic show. Doves flying from her hands, rabbits out of hats, disappearing coins, even a frog from her mouth. All the aimals hopped into the pirate chest after their role in the magic show. Without a word I clapped along with Jihyo after every trick. I stole glances at my obsession in the large mirror throughout the show, it gave me a voyeuristic thrill. The mind reading of a mannequin was especially clever. Still in silence the 만신, (Manshin) wrote on the notice board,

“하비 니콜스 백화점의 쇼윈도 디스플레이 담당은 제 꿈의 직업입니다.”

“habi nikolseu baeghwajeom-ui syowindo diseupeullei damdang-eun je kkum-ui jig-eob-ibnida.“

“Window display at Harvey Nichols department store is my dream job.”

“Bet she can’t do that with you sweet peach, all she would find would be a vacumn,”

my obsession said with a giggle.

The 만신, (Manshin) stared at me and wrote on the noticeboard.

“킹사이즈 삼각측량”

“kingsaijeu samgagcheuglyang”

“Kingsize Triangulation”

Giggling uncontrollably now my obsession said,

” I certainly got that wrong,”

The 만신, (Manshin) ended her magic show, bowed and walked off stage left. A roar of clapping came not from the speakers but from the mannequins, I watched on with Jihyo, quizzical expressions, our mouths agape as the mannequins clapped and shouted,

앙코르! 앙코르!

ang-ko-reu ang-ko-reu

Encore Encore

The 만신, (Manshin) hearing the appalause reappeared for an encore. The centuries old wrinkles on her face like snakes all seemed to flow and point at myself and Jihyo, her skeletal hand went from pointing at us to the mirror. We looked into the mirror, a rope was floating in the air, down the rope came “Angel Number Two” who stepped out of the mirror. The 만신, (Manshin) bowed the manequins clapped, Bora screamed,

“Sweet Peach, Juicy Pear!”

Miss “I’m always right” ran to our table, we hugged each other, kisses all round my passion was rising by the second. when the 만신, (Manshin) cackled in a booming voice,

“클라렛”

Keullales

“Clarets”

We looked up as the 만신, (Manshin) pointed at the mirror repeating,

“클라렛”

Keullales

“Clarets”

Bora knew.

“That’s it, I thought I saw the “tax heaven assassin,” the shit Sharp and the Echo acolytes laughing and drinking tea as I came down the rope. I think we have a few things to put them straight on. Their nonsense whinging over Burnley being awarded £35 million, and the rehabilitation of the disgusting pieces of shit, Moshiri and Sharp.”

The 만신, (Manshin) continued to point at the mirror. Jihyo took mine and Bora’s hands. The clapping manequins rose as one and sang the famous Korean folksong 아리랑 (Arirang).

아리랑, 아리랑, 아라리요…

Arirang, arirang, arariyo..

아리랑 언덕을 넘어가자.

Let’s cross over Arirang hill.

       소향 So Hyang : 아리랑 Arirang

We walked to the mirror as in 아리랑 (Arirang) hand in hand. We looked into the mirror, it was like looking down through a pool of water at a group of people. Moshiri, Sharp and their acolytes from the Echo were sat in a sparse room laughing and drinking tea. We did as the song says and crossed over with no fear, we walked through the mirror, and entered the room. A scream echoed from all assembled when we came through the mirror. The “Monaco football club assassin” shook with fear and crawled to the corner of the room, sending all the tea cups flying as he shouted,

“Satan, Lucifer save your loyal servant.”

Mr “ headlock and threats” quickly followed. They both squeezed in between the Echo journalists who also tried to hide in the corner of the sparse room. The smell of urine and dirtied pants was overpowering.

“Look at me”

demanded my Goddess.

The “tax haven clown” looked up with pleading eyes

“I meant only the best.”

Jihyo was not impressed by his lying.

“Only the best! You bag of  shit. Dark was the night you first got your hands on the toffees, and that long night lasted eight years!.“

Blind Willie Johnson : Dark Was the Night

“Our sweet heart is really angry Juicy pear,”

said “Angel number two.”

I gave an evil smile,

“I know.”

We watched on glorying in our love wiping the floor with the creeps in the corner.

“Moshiri! You wanted to sell the club to the crooks 777 Partners. Don’t give me that rubbish you only meant the best! The Friedkin only wants to make a profit on his investment. Everton is all commercialisation, American Disney Land to him. Football he could not care less about, but at least he saved the toffees from the abyss which you horrible “tax haven clown” had dragged the club towards.”

The Moshiri was whimpering tears rolling down his face.

“777, two commissions and points deductionss, a spaceship and a football club close  to extinction. Now we have the final part of your legacy. A Premier Leagues Independent Disciplinary Commission ruling Everton have to pay £35 million to Burnley for their claim, Everton breaking PSR damaged their opportunity of staying in the Premier League during the 2021-2022 season.”

“ Lets get this right social media clowns, What’s App idiots, bloggers, article writers who moanabout Premier League corruption, Chelsea and Manchester City and what not. Blues from every corner have come out with their usual bleating, Everton have been punished not once but twice. Just to get this through your thick skulls it is not the Premier League which called for this inquiry, it was Burnley who accused Everton not the Premier League. So take all you corrupt posters and silly Masters puppet tweets and stick them where they belong. Burnley were quite entitled to call for an investigation, as I understand it they could do this under Premier League rules which all clubs have signed up to. It is not Everton being persecuted for a third time by the Premier League. It was Burnley who quite rightly called for an investigation against the PSR breaches. All the Premier League was doing was carrying out its responsibilities set in motion by Burnley. Of course Everton put out another statement, they are use to such things by now.“

”Everton Football Club is surprised and angered by the decision of a Premier League Independent Disciplinary Commission to order a compensation payment to Burnley Football Club in relation to Everton’s PSR breach in June 2022.”

https://www.evertonfc.com/news/2026/june/10/club-statement

“The usual we are being persecuted nonsense by the club and big balls we will fight this.”

”Some have laid out eloquently and in detail the case for Everton appealing the Independent Commisions judgement. Maybe Everton should get in touch!”

The Analysis Series: Grounds for appeal, Burnley FC v Everton FC, PLJP 2023/3 

“I’m not going into the maths and probability scenarios laid out in the Esk’s article and which all the “know it alls” spout on about. I don’t care about probability, or understand it. The simple fact is the boffins Burnley employed were better than Evertons egg heads. They showed there was a 51% chance of Burnley staying up if Everton had not breached PSR by £19.5 million. This whole marginal argument which the Royal Blue (Everton club propaganda) podcast, and the Esk among others pontificateon is simply boring. Marginal or not, 51% is over half, so just get over it. The simple fact is Everton had a sporting advantage over Burnley because over a three year period Everton bought players and ended up breaching PSR by £19.5 million. That is simply a sporting advantage, buying players while breaching PSR. Evertonians can dress it up differently in their minds if they want, but they do this because they can’t face the truth. Burnley the season they were relegated were not playing on a level playing field. You Moshiri along with your board were so clueless you had until the end of June were you could have sold a player or two and not been in breach of PSR. As everyone’s it seems  finance darling Kieran Maguire put it,”

 “You’ve got to question the competence of Farhad Moshiri because we saw in 2024 when Everton were potentially going to breach PSR again, they just sold a couple of players before the end of June and they got out of that situation.

“They could have done exactly the same in 2022, and they also could have sold Goodison Park or the women’s team to themselves in exactly the same way they did in 2025, if they had done their sums properly.”

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/farhad-moshiri-slammed-incompetence-expert-34103136

“The anti “Moyesiah, Mao Historian” coalition think this rule is absurd. Once a season is finished that is when clubs should be brought to account, when the final games have been played. Be that as it may, Everton had the chance to rectify the situation and you either were to stupid to realise it, to thick to see you had overspent and had up to the end of June to fix the problem, or chose to ignore it. The end of the day it’s not Everton being punished here, it is Burnley who as the club’s Chair Alan Pace said,”

“When we were relegated in 2022, we disappointingly accepted the outcome on the pitch. What we could not accept and what no club should be asked to accept was competing in a competition later shown to have been compromised.

We did not come to this lightly. When resolution through every available channel was declined, formal action was imposed as the only path left to us.

The Independent Commission has now confirmed, in clear terms, that a rule was broken and a competitive advantage was improperly gained.

Our action has always been about making football fair. Clubs that comply with the rules deserve to compete on a level playing field. Fans deserve it. The sport demands it.”

https://burnleyfootballclub.com/content/club-statement-june-2026

The “tax haven buffoon” made a run for the door. Blood and nose bone flew through the air landing on the “counter revolutionary” Sharp’s head. The “tax haven clown” crumpled from a simple slap from “Angel number two.” I dragged him back to the crying and whimpering throng.

“See that Sweet Peach, Juicy Pear,”

 I looked on with Jihyo glowingly at the smiling Bora. We both trembled with lustful delight.

“Mr Sharp or you Echo journalists do you have a spare handkerchief, it seems Mr Moshiri’s one is already soaked through and incredibly bloody,

said Jihyo.

One of the Echo acolytes handed the buffoon a hankerchief as my obsession continued.

“I must add two things. Firstly Everton came to an agreement with Leeds United concerning the 2021-2022 season. A whiff of “guilty your honour” if ever there was one.“

https://www.espn.co.uk/football/story/_/id/46364364/everton-leeds-settle-dispute-psr-breach-2021-22

“Secondly the ridiculous argument put forward by Everton and pontificated by the “know it all’s” that Burnley as the Esk put it:“

“Burnley went into the Championship, sold its best players at record prices, and generated £83.5 million in player trading receipts. The Commission then awarded it £26 million in compensation for the harm done by that relegation. “

“The argument that Burnley should not have been awarded compensation is simply from an alternatate universe. Burnley got relegated and lost all their Premier League riches. A big hole in their finances obviously, so they sold players to try and rectify such a hole. That they made a profit is meaningless. They needed to sell because they were relegated, partly because they were not on a level playing field due to the toffees PSR breach. They may not have sold the players they did if they had not been relegated. Or is it let’s all not bother, we will make a profit if we are relegated! Try telling that to West Ham! Simply mind boggling in its nensense.”

“There is the question of the risk to governance, litagation and the rule of law in football, highlighted by the Burnley case. I would uge all the “we are persecuted know it alls” to read the Esk’s risk assessment on this subject. A very good analysis of the can of worms opened by the Burnley decision.“

The Analysis Series: Systemic risk assessment, Premier League PSR compensation litigation, Burnley FC v Everton FC (PLJP 2023/3)

“The article points out the effect the Burnley decision may have on transfer dealings and wages.”

“If clubs under PSR pressure reduce spending to avoid triggering compensation claims, and simultaneously potential-defendant clubs reduce spending to create headroom, the aggregate effect on the transfer market is a downward drag on fees and wages, the opposite of the Premier League’s stated aspiration. “

The coalition say so what! Burnley fought their corner and won. They have no need to take into consideration the “Premier League’s stated aspiration.“ Any drag on the ridiculous world of Premier League obscene wages, transfer fees, agents fees etc is in my eyes a good thing.“

“The major question though is around self-regulation and governance. As the Esk article says:”

“The Burnley decision makes explicit what was previously only theoretical: the Premier League’s enforcement of its own rules now directly triggers civil liability of one member club to another. “

“Every decision the Premier League takes, about when to charge a club, what charges to bring, what evidence to gather, and how to proceed, now has potential civil consequences for the club charged, the clubs that could benefit from a finding, and the integrity of the competition.”

“Again, that is just to bad. Everton had a sporting advantage and Burnley suffered because of that sporting advantage. They fought their own corner as any club would do. Nottingham Forest, Leicester City and Southampton could have done the same, they had twenty eight days to decide if they wanted to take out a case against Everton, they chose not to. Leeds United, as I said earlier came to an agreement with Everton, an undeniable whiff of guilt. Burnley had the guts to go the distance.”

“Do the coalition like tthe present way of the world, commissions here, there and everywhere. No, it does not. Football is now more a court drama than an actual sport. “Neither mind the football lets all get down to the Independent Commission. Rumpole of the Bailey v Parry Mason kicks off at 3pm unless Sky or BT move it!“ ” Sadly this is the way football has been going at a rapid rate for a number of years. The Esk article says:“

‘A successful claim by Burnley would set a precedent, altering the landscape of Premier League governance and transforming financial misconduct from a matter of internal regulatory discipline into a cause for civil litigation between member clubs.’

“The coalition agrees with this point. The Burnley decision is the culmination of the way football has been going. To be fair to some like the Esk he has been pointing out such governance problems for eons. Evertonians can get their abacuses and probability theorems out and pontificate like some proffesor of maths for as long as they like, it is hilarious. The simple fact is Burnley won because Everton broke the PSR threshold and as a consequence had a sporting advantage over Burnley. In the long run this case may be good thing in that it highlights why the Premier League rule book is not fit for purpose and needs rewriting. But because it is not fit for purpose does not mean the Burnley decision is wrong. As it stands Burnley were entitled to do what they did and rightfully in the coalitions eyes won compensation.”

“Monaco scumbag you are a disgrace. Everyone who served at some point on your board, Mr Kenwright, abacus Ingles, the football pea brain economical with the truth Sharp, Miss “Headlock,” and all the rest who served during your horrendous eight years of ownership are culpable, for this latest fiasco. I also include all those who stayed silent or gave tactic support to your regime, Snodin, Stuart etc. who still hang around the club like a bad smell. You all brought shame on Everton Football Club for eight long years. Yet Moshiri even now you can waltz into the spaceship whenever you like and most blues are happy to have selfies with you,”

“Farhad you have given us the ninth wonder of the world, thank you.“

“Truly sickening.”

“But then again any of the clowns of the Moshiri era, even the “Headlock Princess” herself could turn up at the club and be reintegrated as nothing has happened. The “counter revolutionary” Graeme Sharp being the doyen of the rehabilitated. The Echo just a week or so ago ran a grovelling article with  him, a man who threw the supporters under the bus.”

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/graeme-sharp-names-interesting-everton-34059281

“Mr Sharp said when he became a non Executive Director of Everton “

 “Joining the board and being able to play a part in shaping Everton’s future is one of the greatest honours of all.”

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/articles/cyl89m1129do

“while the late Chair absurdly declared,”

“We were determined to have someone join us with not only great knowledge of Everton but also extensive football insight and experience.”

“Someone who could support and challenge. And in Sharpy’s case we’ve got this in abundance.“

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/articles/cyl89m1129do

“The reality was a bit different. This man whose knowledge of football is less than a three year olds supported the “Monaco assassin.” Watched on as he took Everton Football Club to the edge of the abyss. A man who claimed he could not go to games because of threats. He has never produced evidence that he was inundated with threats and could not go to Goodison. A man who gave credence to the myth of headlock ninjas, even when Merseyside police put out a statement saying they had never been informed of such an incident.”

https://www.merseyside.police.uk/news/merseyside/news/2023/january/merseyside-police-statement-on-everton-v-southampton/

“Of course Mr “counter revolutionary” has never retracted any of this stuff, something Everton Football Club has never retracted either. It isleft floating around, unproven accusations against the supporter base to this day. To claim we are “The Peoples Club” is a sick joke, although with TFG now the owners “The Disney Land Theme Park Club” is very apt.”

“Is the coalition bothered that Mr Sharp is back attending games? No as long as he has season tickets paid for by himself and has not jumped any queue. I mean he owned season tickets while not attending games, or did he give them up? Did he renew those tickets for this season?”

“The Echo giving air time to this poisionus person, who with his own words has shown he does not care about the supporter’s sticks in the throat. The Echo insted of bowing down to the football pea brain should have asked him for all the evidence for his threats claims. Nah just lets have a nice cuppa with a “legend” as the article called him and let him big up “Mr Windows 98,” simply appalling. By the way Echo podcast and social media world, there is no such thing as a “legend.” Any supporter who comes through the gates to support Everton, or supports them in anyway from afar, even on the other side of the world, is just as much a “legend” as anyone who has played for the club.”

“The rehabilitation of “counter revolutionary” Sharp and the horrible billionaire is something which we the anti “Moyesiah / Mao Historian” coalition will never accept. Frankly Moshiri should never be allowed near the club. To think this man who nearly drove the club to extinction is allowed into the Spaceship is truly horrendous. As for “counter revolutionary,” if he has season tickets paid for and never jumped any queue on his return to games, well so be it. The coalition think it is wrong this person has been rehabilitated but that is Everton and most of the supporter base for you, soft as mush.”

“The whole Burnley case and the Sharp rehabilitation shows everything that was wrong with the club under the Monaco tax haven cancer.  A welcome back to a man who could not care less about the supporters and another independent commission defeat, the final legacy of the billionaire buffoon. Frankly Everton should drop the appeal. Let this be the end of the horrible cancerous eight years of Moshiri. Pay up and dump Moshiri in the trash to melt away into history.“

アイスキャンディみたいな　私

I’m like a popsicle

アイスキャンディみたいに溶ける前に　早く早く

Before I melt like a popsicle, quickly, quickly

溶けてなくなってからじゃ遅いよ

It’ll be too late once it’s melted and gone

溶けたら私はゴミ箱行き

When it’s melted, I’ll go to the trash can

金子あやの Ayano Kaneko  :  アイスキャンディ Popsicle

“Burnley had a solid case against Everton which they won. The anti “Moyesiah/Mao Historian” coalition say

“Well done Burnley.”

“Just pay up Everton and stop you moaning and whinging.“

Yet again my love, Bora’s love, my obsession, our ideologue had destroyed the moaning Premier League corrupt obsessive Evertonians, Moshiri, Sharp and the Echo.  The “Monaco buffoon,” the “counter revolutionary” and the Echo acolytes faded from view. We could hear an angry Satan somewhere in the ether denoucing them for their incompetence. A doorway appeared, a shining white light shone out of the doorway. In the middle of the light stood Archangel Gaabriel flaming sword in hand.

“The time has come,”

 he declared.

Bora looked at me with pleading eyes for help.

“Honey Bun I can explain!”

Won’t you give over your troubles to the Lord

To the Lord

Reverand K M Williams : Give Over Your Troubles To The Lord

DIPLOMACY PART TWO: THIRTY SEVEN, FOURTEEN, ZERO NORTH, ONE HUNDRED FIFTEEN, FORTY EIGHT, THIRTY WEST

A secret base that I won’t tell anyone about
誰にも教えない秘密基地

I might not be able to go home anymore
もう帰れなくなるかもな

I still have to go
それでも行かなくちゃ

きのこ帝国  Kinoko Teikoku:  ありふれた言葉   Arifureta Kotoba

I entered the Holy Tent with my obsession to be met by a grey metal door, not the thing you would expect inside a tent, especially JC’s tent. I opened the door and entered with Jihyo. We stood in a wide corridor lit by an unknown light source. Without knowing it you could feel we were underground in a place not for our eyes. The metal door which we had come through slammed shut and would could not open it when we tried to go back.

“Something devilish is the cause of this Juicy Pear,”

said Jihyo.

There was only one thing we could do. We headed down the corridor which was wide enough for trucks or military vehicles to pass by on either side. The walls and ceiling were all shinny metal and air vents. Corridors branched out to the left and right as we walked on, the underground air conditioning tickling our throats.

“Is there any way out of this labyrinth,”

I whispered. Why I whispered I don’t know, I just had a foreboding feeling. something was not right.

“There has to be, fear not my darling we will find our way out.”

Jihyo said to cheer me up.

“Halt, Intruders, Halt”

We spun round to see a group of eight heavily armed American military personal. We ran. Like cheetahs, we ran as fast as we could, onwards through the maze of corridors chased by the military personal.

Morality won’t get you through the mazes
You can never travel back the way you’ve come

I see you in the future, skippin’ time
While the eyes of all the faithful rest in peace
Yet tonight I see the highway like a cheetah under foot
And someone singin’ my life back to me

Neko Case : Guided By Wire

I ran behind my love ready to take the bullets which we expected to come flying at any moment. We turned a corner; a mono rail was in front of us with just one car on the rail. An escape route. We jumped in the mono car and it set off by remote control down the track. I looked behind, the military personal stood looking on as their prey escaped. I dove over my obsession and dragged her down beneath the seats as bullets flew above our heads ricocheting haphazardly off the shiny silver walls. The mono car turned a corner out of sight from our pursues. Free,we had escaped from the armed guards. I sat next to Jihyo my arms around her shoulders. Jihyo laughed.

“That was a close call Juicy Pear,”

Moments later my obsession burst out laughing.

“This dinky car reminds me of that day in New Brighton.”

“Who could forget it. We really have to keep our love away from fairgrounds and theme parks,”

I said grinning.

We had gone for a day out at New Brighton, for some reason I had never taken the angels before. The day was going well,  walking on the beach, sipping coffee, but as always when miss “I am always right” sees a fairground chaos is the result. Children barged out of the way as she pushed to the front of any queue for a ride. It was the Ghost Train which finally brought an end to our fairground foray.

밖으로

bakk-eulo

“Out,”

was the demand to the family in the front car of the Ghost Train. I do love it when Bora is angry and slips into Korean. Jihyo explained to the family that if they did not want a scene, which would not end well for them they should consider moving to another car. They swiftly moved. I sat next to “angel number one” behind “angel number two.” The Ghost Train was less than impressive with cheap dummies of skeletons and other such creatures,  even the speakers giving out ghostly sounds were not working properly. At the end of the ride Bora stormed back into the Ghost Train on foot, emerging with a skeleton. She made straight for the ride operator.

싸구려 쓰레기. 당장 환불해줘.

ssagulyeo sseulegi. dangjang hwanbulhaejwo.

“Cheap trash. Give me a refund right now.”

The Ghost  Train operator’s face went white as a sheet, he did not need any translation, the anger of miss “I’m always right” caused the operator to hand back our ride money. We heard the owner of the fairground on his mobile phone to the police as we left. We walked along the beach front and of course “Angel number two” heard the magic sound. Into an arcade she went, Jihyo and I had no choice but to follow. A group of teenagers all tee shirts, trainers, shorts, the boys unable to keep their hands off the girls were playing FIFA nonstop. I closed my eyes,

“Oh God!”

Bora went up slapped one of the teenagers and snatched a controller shouting,

게임당 10파운드

geimdang 10paundeu

“Tenner a game.”

Before things took a turn for the worst Jihyo explained to the now angry mob what Bora had said. The mood of the deluded teenage gang changed, they laughed and smirked. Little did they know. Within half an hour our angel had pocketed £300. We went to leave the arcade, the teenagers were waiting outside, bottles and stones in their hands.

“They don’t seem to have taken their whipping well. Dunder’s go and sort them out!”

The “FIFA Champion” putting me in another hole. Luckly at that moment two police officers entered the arcade with the fairground owner.

“We would like a word with you three, if you could accompany us to the station.”

At least I had been saved from being beaten to a pulp. The teenage gang left. At the station the excuse of

유령 놀이기구는 형편없었어.

yulyeong nol-igiguneun hyeongpyeon-eobs-eoss-eo.

“The ghost ride was crap,”

did not cut it with the boys in blue. “Miss FIFA’s” winnings  had to be handed over to pay for a new skeleton dummy and a new Dracula which she had apparently mutilated and left inside the Ghost Train ride.

“It’s all your fault Dunder’s,”

was her only remark as we left the police station and headed for the  Merseyrail train home.

The mono car ploughed on deeper into the labyrinth passing thick glass windows beyond which we spied airplane hangars. Inside the hangars were different UFO’s, cylindrical, cigar shaped, triangular, square. Some UFO’s had clearly had their innards torn out in an attempt to find the secrets of these intergalactic flying machines.

“Reverse engineering”

commented Jihyo.

The mono car finally came to a stop and we disembarked. Another large metal door faced us.  

“Only authorised personal beyond this point”

was the message on the door with a picture of a rifle next to it. A clear message to any trespassers or personal without authorisation what their fate would be.

Jihyo gave a knowing smile

“We are in Area Fifty One Dunder’s. Roswell, Kingman, Del Rio, all those crashed UFO’s end up here.’”

How this strange phenomenon had occurred, how we were one moment about to meet JC and the next finding ourselves  37°14’0″N, 115°48’30″W below the Nevada desert  I could not guess.

”Louie! Stinky Breath Horn Head is at the bottom of this Juicy Pear, ”

said Jihyo as I tried to figure out how we had got into such a predicamen., my face as quizzical as ever, my very small amount of grey matter about to explode. Jihyo punched 666 into the metal door keypad, the door slid opened.

“What more proof do we need.”

We both giggled,

“Not the brightest are they”

said my obsession.

We passed through the door and entered a large room lit by a dim orange glow. Giant glass containers were on either side, bodies floated in a strange yellow and brown liquid.

“My God! This is way beyond the ginger dinosaur’s and the zipped jumper’s mad Finch Farm cyborg experiments. This is full cloning! A Moyesiah aging pack of Frankenstein footballers.”

I hissed.

This is the room, the start of it all
No portrait so fine, only sheets on the wall
I’ve seen the nights, filled with bloodsport and pain
And the bodies obtained, the bodies obtained

Where will it end? Where will it end?
Where will it end? Where will it end?

Joy Division : Day of the Lords

I shook with anger and fear at the sight before my eyes. I held on tightly to my obsessions hand as we walked through the large hangar sized room staring in disbelief at the containers.. One contained a fully formed Thomas Soucek, Wan Bissaka was in the next one. The head of Ben White floated in the yellow / brown liquid which was we realised  was a Pineapple and Bovril mixture. Bovril granules and pineapple chunks lay at the bottom of the containers slowly dissolving as bubbles of yellow and brown rose slowly. We both jumped back and wrapped our arms around each other as the eyes on the floating head of Ben White shot open. The eyes looked around quizzically and then down at the liquid and the place where its body should be. The head’s eyes closed.

“That was certainly a shock,”

whispered my obsession.

It certainly was. Like one of those scare jumps in horror films to make the audience scream.

John Stones floated on a treatment table in a container and a white Fulham shirt floated mournfully in a container waiting for the body of Harry Wilson. The biggest horror was at the end of the hangar, five containers each with a fully formed “Taylor Swift” missing a left foot. A Grealish army.

My beloved held my hand and squeezed it to stop me from fainting.”

“Hold on Juicy Pear. This is clearly the work of the “Greys”. We must put a stop to this “Moyesiah” and “Hang Dog” masterplan. “

A giant control panel stood at the end of the room next to an exit, flashing different coloured lights and controls.

“All specimens must be kept at minus 10 degrees”

read a message on the control panel. Jihyo the most beautiful genius in the world quickly found the temperature control and turned it up to one hundred degrees. An alarm rang out, the lighting in the room turned to a flashing red.

“Emergency, Emergency, all personal with clearance attend the cloning chamber immediately. Security search for intruders, repeat search for intruders,”

boomed from speakers. Jihyo and I went through the exit into yet another corridor.

We ran down a corridor turned a corner and bumped into four seven foot, lblond haired blue eyed aliens, “Nordics,” wearing Manchester City light blue uniforms “The Nordics” held silver ray guns at our heads, we were trapped as a  group of military security turned the corner holding the latest M7 rifles to our backs. One of the “Nordics” who seemed to be the leader looked at the military personnel with glowing blue eyes. Clearly some sort of telepathy had passed from the “Nordic” leader to the military who turned around and walked away. “The Nordics” it was clear had made a pact with the “Greys” and were working for “Stinky Breath.” Our blond haired captors their ray guns constantly pointed at myself and Jihyo led us to yet another metal door.  I considered asking the telepathic leader what they had discussed with President Eisenhower at Edwards Airforce Base in February 1954, but my love whispered,

“Might not be the best time to bring it up Dunder’s.”

The leader’s eyes glowed and the  door opened. The “Nordic” leader beckoned myself and Jihyo to enter. The door closed behind us. We stood in a giant hangar, a cylyndrical UFO stood at one end of the hangar. The smell of sulphur which filled the room told us all we needed to know.

“Louie”

declared Jihyo.

Satan had changed from his desert sunbathing attire and was now back in his usual tuxedo, fiery red shirt and dickie bow. His clogs were for some reason bright yellow. He certainly would stand out in a crowd. Satan held a mic in his hand and was belting out the “King of Stroll’s” “Thunder and Lightning.”

Well the sun maybe shinning

But my days are as dark as night

Chuck Willis : Thunder and Lightning

The “Mao historian” free from his sand incarceration dressed in cream shirt and chinos was dancing with the “Friedkin” in his latest new Armani suit to Satan’s singing. Strangely the half walnut from the melted Walnut Whip still stood proudly in the middle of the “Mao historian’s” head. My obsession, had pointed out to “Angel number two” and me on a number of occasions how “Stinky Breath Horn Head” was a really good crooner. She as always was spot on. Two “Greys” were sat at a large golden table drumming their fingers in time to Satan’s singing. Unfortunately for “Stinky Breath”, he had “Pepper Purple Toes,” still in just turquoise underpants and purple moon boot trainers on keyboards and “Leo Soothsayer” similarly dressed was on backing vocals. How to destroy a good song and “Louies” great crooning. Satan stopped singing when he noticed us.

“Well look who has popped in, my great adversary and the empty headed one. Did you like the song,? I’m thinking of making it my signature tune, have it playing whenever I turn up. I can easily provide the thunder and lighting for special effect. What do you think? I know you miss Jihyo are a music connoisseur.”

Jihyo rolled her eyes. I turned to Jelly yet again. God when she does that.

“Great song Louie and very apt. You would need better backing vocals and keyboard player.”

Satan burst out laughing.

“Ha ha tell me about it! But I’m glad you approve of the song. Thunder and Lighting really does suit me. By the way I hope you did not mind my little playful trick. Magic door and all that.  Bet you thought we would not be meeting so soon after our little desert chat, but the door in the tent trick worked a treat. I’m afraid you have arrived too late my friends. My underling “hamster cheeks” has already filled the “Friedkin” in on the aging crap players the toffees will sign in the summer. It seems we will have to build a new cloning facility. Sabotage, I am disappointed in you Saint Jihyo. More miss “I’m always right”  line of work” You are an ideologue not a simple wrecker. Not to worry we will build a new cloning area. Great idea don’t you think. Loads of crap, aging and injury plagued players,we will have cloned and ready to go if the toffees sign any of the real ones. A non stop supply of crap.”

The “Mao historian” hissed with pleasure his hamster cheeks rippling in a gruesome smile at Satan’s words.  The “Friedkin” remained impassive.

“Anything to stop your evil plans I will do Louie.”

said my beloved.

“So, it seems, so it seems. I take it you are here to have a word with “Spitfire Boy,” You can have an hour. I shall go for a ride with my “Grey” friends, a little spin round the Galaxy.  “Pepper, Soothsayer, Hamster Cheeks” follow me.”

Satan along with the two “Greys” “Pepper Purple Toes” “Leo Soothsayer” and the “Mao historian” entered the spaceship which glowed orange, blue and  red before disappearing.“

A silence filled the hangar.

“Come and sit down Fly Boy we need to have yet another little talk as everything we tell you seems to go in one ear and out the other,”

said Jihyo pointing to the golden table.  

“Would you look at that Juicy Pear, our darling is not even with us and he is making puddles again, such a scaredy cat. I have told before Daniel Tenna Proskin Super, and all over your expensive shoes as well.. “

The Friedkin in his wet trousers sat at the table and trembled.

“Juicy Pear,”

“Yes my obsession!! I mean Jihyo,”

“Really Dunder’s. get your mind on the job. Can you please bring your latest scouting report up on your phone so Fly Boy here can have a read.”

I brought up the transfer targets paper and handed my phone to the “Friedkin.”

“Now Daniel before you start  please follow me as you read.”

said Jihyo.

“Let’s start with the “Moyesiah.” You played safe and brought in “Mr Windows 98” after the dinosaur had left the building. You had it in your hands to have a total reset at Everton, but what did you do? You took the cowards road and played safe. Brought back a man twenty years behind the times!. To make matters worse you set up a clueless bureaucracy called the leadership and recruitment team headed by “Hamster cheeks.” You really are useless. But all that is nothing to you. It’s all about your investment and making money, football is secondary, if it counts at all.”

“ I believe you will be at the golf day with the Pineapple Muncher. First to hit the ball into a tricorn hat is it. By the way that piece of disgusting drivel by the pompous titled President of Business Matters,  Andrew Middleton. Dear me, when the season tickets have shot up in price as well! More people are attending games, well I never, the ground has about 14,000 extra seats. Talk about the obvious. Don’t take us for idiots. As for lauding the disgusting unique seats rip off when there is a season ticket waiting list, simply horrendous.”

https://www.evertonfc.com/news/2026/may/29/ticketing-at-hill-dickinson-stadium–a-first-season-update

“But I digress. Back to Mr Windows 98. The toffees never progressed one bit last season under the inept, out of date Mr Moyes, no matter what the “Mao historian,” club website, and Echo acolytes say.  Everton finished in the same position as the season before and just one point better off. Why keep this not relevant to the modern game man in post.?”Dinomoyes!” Don’t even think of extending his contract. The managers you see in front of you in Dunder’s paper are up to date modern managers whose teams he has watched numerous times. All  would have Everton challenging for Europe”

Abel Ferreira (Palmeiras : Age 47)

Ferreira has won everything with Palmeira, Is it time for him to come back to Europe? He has brought through young players such as Vitor Roque and Estêvão while at the green machine. Ferreira is not afraid to give young players a chance when he thinks they are ready. He may want another shot at the League and Libertadores; Palmeiras are top of the league as the World Cup break kicks in and are into the last sixteen of the Libertadores.  But Europe may be playing on his mind. Ask the question.

Francesco Farioli (FC Porto : Age 37)

Farioli is a rising star in management. Started out in Turkiye at Fathi Karagumruk and Alanyaspor. He went on to manage Nice and played a defensive style of football before opening up at Ajax his next club. Having failed to win the Erdevisie title with a late season collapse he resigned. Porto made the move last summer and have been rewarded with the league title and a return to next seasons Champions League.

Matthias Jaissle (Al-Ahli : Age 38)

Like Farioli Jaissle is rising star in the management game. Dunders has watched his teams since he managed Red Bull Salzburg where he won the double and got Salzburg into the Champions League knock out stage for the first time playing some great football. Won the league again in his 2^nd season before moving to Al-Ahli, and has led them to the Asian Champions League title in the last two seasons.

“Don’t be afraid Fly Boy. Dispose of “Dinomoyes.” Go and get a modern manager.”

“The ridiculous, clueless leadership team needs disbanding and dumping asp. Obviously, that includes the brinless on football matters CEO. Send him back to stand on the terrace at Luton Town. You could do no worse than look to Chris O’Loughlin or Tiago Pinto to head up football operations.”

Chris O’Loughlin. (Sporting Director : Union Saint Gilloise)

O’Loughlin has worked wonders at Union on a small budget compared to Everton. Union has been a success story during his six years at the club. Victor Boniface, Noah Sadiki, Mohammed Amoura to name just three, are players brought to Union and then sold for profit under his watch. Time for him to challenge himself somewhere else. Think out of the box fly boy.

Tiago Pinto (Head of Football Operations : Bournemouth)

Pinto has been head of football operations at the Cherries for the last couple of seasons. Before that he worked at Roma and Benfica. Needs no introduction, the recruitment at Bournemouth over the last few years speaks for itsself. Would he want to move? Ask the question.

Jihyo looked slightly annoyed.

“Danny Boy stop squirming there is a way to go yet. Are you keeping up with the paper.”

The “Friedki” nodded.

“Very good. Now let ‘s move on. All the players before you, Dunder’s has watched on numerous occasions, some well over twenty and more times.“

“First regarding goalkeeper, obviously Everton are ok in that department with Jordan Pickford, but travesty Travers was to say the least an awful signing, £4 million up in smoke. He should be sold this summer and another back up keeper brought in.  Planning for  he future should always be part of the club’s policy and you will find two young keepers who should be kept on the club’s radar.

Goalkeepers

Back Up Options

Orlando Gill (San Lorenzo : Age 26)

Watched Gil many times since he first made it into the San Lorenzo first team. Paraguay international and really should be the starter for them at the World Cup. Time for him to move to Europe. Upgrade on Travers and gettable.

 Zion Suzuki ( Parma : Age 23)

Would be a bit of a long shot. Japan national team undisputed number one who I have watched a lot of both for the national team and Parma. Would he want to sit around as number two for the next three or so seasons is a big question, but a talented keeper.

Options for the future

Rui Araki (Gamba Osaka) : Age 18)

I have watched Araki for the Japan Uder 20’s and in the just finished 100 Year Vision Leage. Also watched him in the Champions League Elite 2 final against Al Nassr were he was outstanding. Araki has all the attributes to go the top. Would be an excellent acquisition who could stay at Gamba on loan to continue his development.

Jayden Owusu-Oduro (AZ Alkmaar : Age 21)

Owusu-Oduru has become AZ number one goalkeeper. Watched him on numerous occasions.  Made a few mistakes last season but that is expected from afine young keeper.

“When we get to the defence my spitfire billionaire, well there are big problems and I don’t just mean right back.  The toffees defence is a mess which Dunder’s has constantly pointed out. Everton have got away with it defensively for the last two seasons relying on Pickford to pull off save after save. The club has needed a right back for the last four or five years, talk about inept, and have been unable to bring in a  left back to challenge and replace Mykolenko. Branthwaite is the only good defender at the club and can hardly stay fit, which is a real problem. The club will never get the sort of money bandied around for him last summer. We can only hope he can stay fit next season, but his injury record does not hold out great hope. O’Brien is not a right back. He is a serviceable Centre Back but nothing more. Dunders  watched a lot of him at Lyon. Michael Keane handed another year contract is simply ridiculous, while the Pretend Hard Man is on the declining slope at a rapid pace of knots. He was godawful last season. Mykolenko is no more than a squad filler and Aznou was simply a silly signing and a waste of £9 million. Good going forward but defensively he is so bad it is frightening. Those who have called for him to be a starter with no evidence to back it up really need to have a good look at themselves. But it is what I expect from most non thinking blues.  Most won’t even have watched Aznou  turn in disastrous performances in the Vertu Trophy. He is to the left side what Roman Dixon is to the right. Both need to be moved on. A right back, left back and a Centre Back are all urgent priorities. The end of last season was the tipping point for the inadequate defence were all the problems finally caught up with the toffees, Everton shipping goals at an alarming rate. It will continue into next season if the mess is not sorted in the summer. “

“Danny you see before you the answers to the defensive problems.”

Full Backs

Augustin Guiy (Palmeiras : Age 22 : Right Back )

I have been watching Guiy since his San Lorenzo days before he moved to Brazil and became a regular for Palmeiras. Hard tackling right back who is a threat going forward and crucially would not cost too much. Guiy is much better than the fullbacks the World Champions still have hanging around the squad. Great player at a resonable price.

Kyriani Sabbe ( Club Brugge : Age: 21 Right Back)

Broke into the Club Brugge team this season after doing his apprentice at Club NXT. Been excellent whenever I have watched him in either the League or the Champions League. Great attacking full back.

Joaquin Seys (Club Brugge: Age 20: Left Back)

Watched Seys develop over the last two season into one of the best attacking left backs around. Aznou should be sold asp to help fund a move for Seys  A wonderful prospect who should be signed no questions asked. He would walk straight into the first team. Its simple Everton, go and get both Sabbe and Seys from Club Brugge or Seys and Guiy and solve the right back and left back problems.

Centre Backs

Rion Ichihara (AZ Alkmar : Age 20)

Ichihara was simply the best Centre Back at the last Under 20’s World Cup and Asian Under 20’s Championship. were I watched all Japans games in both competitions. Outstanding leader on the pitch, great in the air, can score goals, takes a great penalty and a good ball playing Centre Back. Moved to AZ in January, he will be in the first team next season I have no doubt.   Everton really should be first in the queue. Do a deal and leave him at Alkmaar on loan for a season like Branthwaite at PSV and season after next the toffees would have the real deal.

Mbekezeli Mbokazi (Chicago Fire : Age 20)

I have mainly seen Mbokazi playing for the South Africa national team. Strong Central defender with a good oto boot. Moved to the USA and Chicago Fire and quickly settled in. More to come from him and he will move to Europe sooner rather than later.

Anthony Udemba Motosuna ( Kashima Antlers) : Age 17)

Really impressed me for Japan at the Under 17s World Cup. Ball playing Centre Back and a leader on the pitch. Everton should be making contact with Antlers now for when he turns 18. But such forward thinking from Everton is just pie in the sky.

Tarik Muharemović (Sassuolo : Age 23)

Muharemović came to my attention last season on Sassuolo’s return to Serie A. Good left footed Centre Back who stood out in the Nero Verdi backline., Included in the Bosnia Herzegovina World Cup Squad. Left footed but I am confident he could easily still play alongside Branthwaite.

“In midfield, you do know where midfield is dont you Danny boy? Creativity is needed along with goals, while a proper number six is one of the highest priorities. Idrissa cannot go on forever, if he sticks around next season he will need to be used sparingly.  Those who think Iroegbunam or Rohlkcan play as the number six live in an alternate universe, A proper defensive midfielder is neeed yesterday bunot today!. Further forward to give him his due the vastly overrated Desbury Hall did pitch in with a few goals before his form fell of a cliff in the last part of the season.“

Defensive Midfield

André (Corinthians : Age 19)

André has impressed me this season. Strong midfielder who is built for the Premier League. He can nplay as an 8 or a 6 were I think his best position is and he will ultimately settle. Will make the move to Europe soon, so you don’t hang about, but sign him now.

André: (Wolverhampton Wanderers: Age 24)

Andre is a good defensive midfielder who I use to love watching play for Fluminense. Fully adjusted to the Premier League since his move to Wolves in 2024.

Jothry Mokio: ( Ajax: Age 18)

Broke into the Ajax team this season. Defensive midfielder, highly talented whose career trajectory is simply upwards, and upwards.

Central Midfield

Tomás Aranda (Boca Juniors : Age 19)

Broke into the Boca team this year and standing out as probably Boca’s best player. Attacking midfielder who is showing real promise. Aranda is a player to keep tabs on.

Valentin Barco (Strasbourg : Age 21)

Loved watching Barco as an attacking left wing back or winger when he played for Boca Juniors. Brighton (who else), picked him up for around £10 million. Went to Seville on loan were it never worked out before moving to Strasbourg on loan and blossomed. Brighton don’t get everything right as they sold him to Strasbourg for just 12 million euros. Seen him, not counting when I watched him at Boca at least  20 probably more times for Strasbourg were he has been transformed from a wing back to an all action midfield player.  Chelsea may pounce in the summer. But if he could be got, it would be a no brainer.

Nathan De Cat (AAnderlecht : Age 17)

De Cat was outstanding for Anderlecht last season.. All round midfielder who can score goals and is tall and strong especially for someone just 17. Always stood out when I have watched him.

 Konstantinos Karetsas : Attacking Midfield or Right Wing( Genk : Age 18)

Already a Greek international and destined to become one of the poster boys of a group of young talented players who will form part of the Greece national team for years to come. Excellent  attacking midfielder who is also happy to play out on the right wing. Maybe out of the toffees price range.

Shimon Kobayashi (Sanfrecce Hiroshima : Age 18)

Attacking midfielder who impressed for an excellent Japan  in the Under 17s World Cup where I watched all of Japan’s games. A player to certainly have on the radar.

Ryunosuke Sato : Attacking Midfield or Right wing (FC Tokyo : Age 19)

Sato is comfortable as a number ten or out wide. He was superb for Japan at the Under 20’s World cCp and the Under 20’s Asian Championship. Been good for FC Tokyo during the mini 100 Year Vision League. Destined to make the move to Europe sooner or later and will become one of Japan’s stars of the future. Signing him now is a no brainer.

Kees Smit (Az Alkmar : Age 20)

Broke in the AZ Alkmar team in the 2024-2025 season. I have watched a lot of Smit. All round midfielder who can score goals and not scared to put a shift in defensively. He does not hide from a tackle.

Christos Tzolis (Club Brugge : Age 24)

Watched a lot of Tzolis over the last eighteen months. Wonderful attacking midfielder, a proper number ten. Moved from PAOK, to Norwich City and then Fortuna Dusseldorf before landing at Club Brugge were he has turned into a goal scoring attacking midfielder.

Yumeki Yokoyama (Cerezo Osaka : Age 20)

Yokoyama has come to my attention during the Hundred Year Vision League after moving from FC Imabari.  Has all the attributes to make a move to Europe and should be kept on the club’s radar.

“Next up Daniel are the winger position. I’m not talking the waste of money which is Mr Dibling, and don’t get me started on Taylor Swift. If he turns up back at Finch Farm next season your death will follow swiftly.“

Wingers

Mika Godts (Ajax: Age 21)

Watched Godts well over twenty times over over the last two seasons. Tricky  left winger who can also operate on the right and has goals in him. “Taylor Swift” can’t lick his boots and neither can Tyrique George. Signing him should be a priority and would solve the left wing conundrum.

Gabriel Mec : Attacking Midfielder / Winger (Gremio: Age 18)

Mec has been a name around the South American up and coming talent scene for some time. I watched all his appearances for Brazil at last years Under 20 World Cup were he came off the bench in most games. Slowly getting game time for Gremio first team this season. RGet a deal done for when he turns eighteen then leave him to progress for a year at Gremio. As if the clowns at Everton could do such a deal!

Gilberto Mora : Attacking Midfield / Winger : (Tijuana : Age 17)

On his way to the top. If only we had people who could spot talent when they burst onto the scene. I was on about Mora as soon as I saw him playing for the full Mexico National Team at the Gold Cup. Will be one of the stars for Mexico at the World Cup.

“Nearly there Daniel keep your focus. Everton have two strikers Barry and Beto who are both not fit for purpose, one which your clueless leadership team wasted another bucket load of cash on. Simply appalling. See the names below.”

Strikers

Mohamed Amoura (Wolfsburg: Age 26)

The oldest player on the list at twenty six. I have watched Amoura closely since his days as a left winger for Union Saint Gilloise. Now operates more as a centre forward or wide forward for Wolfsburg and Algeria. Small centre of gravity who can take knocks and knows were the back of the net is, although can be a bit hit and miss at times. With Wolfsburg being relegated he may well come at a discount.

Julio Enciso (Strasbourg: Age 22)

I was on about Enciso when he was still at Libertad. Of cours, Brighton picked him up. Mercurial striker or attacking midfielder with a terrific long range shot. Moved to Strasbourg last summer, for just £9.5 million, Brighton making a rare mistake, although they have a sell on clause. The star of the Paraguay national team. Questionable injury record which would need to be checked on vigarously, but seems to have overcome his injury problems.. Premier League experienced and on levels way, way above Everton’s paltry strike force.

Nicolo Tresoldi (Club Brugge : Age 21)

Tresoldi impressed whenever I watched him last season in both the league and Champions League. Brakeout season and a good finisher well above the level of Barry and Beto. He can only get better.

The Friedkin finished reading and looked on with a totally gormless face, which to be fair is not unusual for him. A wardrobe from nowhere suddenly appeared and “Stinky Breath Horn Head” stood next to it.

“Have you finished with the Friedkin Saint Jihyo.”

he asked.

“In a minute Louie.”

replied  my obsession. as she stared stright at the striken “Friedkin,” as if the return of Satan with a wardrobe was just an everyday occassion!

“Daniel I know it is all about the dollar, football means nothing to you. Remember all that crap when TFG first took over. What was it you wrote, oh yes let me quote from your letter.”

I take immense pride in welcoming one of England’s most historic football clubs to our global family, The Friedkin Group. Everton represents a proud legacy, and we are honoured to become custodians of this great institution.

https://www.evertonfc.com/news/2024/december/19/dan-friedkin-writes-to-evertonians

“Make the supporters feel all lovely and warm with your sugar coated words, but complete crap. You can fool most of the blue sheep, but there are a few such as the coalition who are on to your game fly boy.”

Who do you think you’re fooling?
With these things you’re doing?
You’re gonna start a scandal
Burn that midnight candle

Captain Beefheart and his Magic Band : Who Do You think Your Fooling

 “You are only honoured to be custodians of Everton Football Club because you see it as an investment to make money. More unique seats, four kits and golf. Forget about that football stuff. You have never even been to the spaceship to see the toffees play. What was it Executive Chair Marc Watts said on the same day as you letter. I quote,”

– Strengthening the men’s first-team squad through thoughtful and strategic investment.

– Cultivating home-grown superstars through Everton’s Academy.

https://www.evertonfc.com/news/2024/december/19/message-from-everton-s-new-executive-chairman

“More feel good nonsense, which could have been said by the zipped jumper. thoughtful strategic investment, pull the other one. What is the plan, the strategy TFG have for Everton fly boy? Please don’t say a word. I will tell you. There is no plan, no strategy except to make money. That’s why we have a manager twenty years behind the time, a brainless CEO and a leadership/recruitment team not fit for purpose. As long as Everton remain a Premier League outfit it’s all good to go. Take note Daniel of what I have said and the transfer targets paper. Eject the “Dinomoyes,” CEO and leadership team. Bring in a proper Director of Football who can sort the whole mess out. Buy young players from around the world who can grow together or be sold for profit. You have a list of some of the best supplied by Juicy Pear in front of you You have the document flyboy. Dunder’s has more football knowledge in the little toe of his left foot than the leadership team at Everton, This is your last chance. You really don’t want to see Bora when she is really mad.”

Satan howled with laughter, worms and maggots came from his mouth and nose as he laughed uncontrollably.

“Well said my great adversary. Giving Mr Spitfire the last chance to set the toffees on the road to a blue heaven.”

輝く青空を見上げる

As dusk falls

輝く青空を見上げる

I look up at the shinning blue sky

高田渡  Takada Wataru  :  私の青い天国  My Blue Heaven

“Now if you and pea brain would be kind enough to step into this wardrobe it will take you to that clown, who unlike you is unable to save the world.  Don’t worry this wardrobe was specially imported from Narnia, no tricks this time.”

“Come Juicy Pear let’s get out of this underground UFO jail monstrosity.

said Jihyo ta.

“ And Daniel remember, last chance saloon and all that.”

I took my obsessions hand and we entered the wardrobe, Satan’s giggling voice trailing behind us.

“That transfer targets paper won’t work, the Friedkin, the Moyesiah, The Mao Historian,” and the clueless leadership team will continue to take the club nowhere. IYou would not know a good young player if one was standing smack in front of them. Your paper will just end up as “Dead letter blues.” You will have to continue your fight against me Saint Jihyo.”

 “HA HA HA HA!”

I got a letter this morning, what do you reckon it read?
It said, “Hurry, hurry, the gal you love is dead”

Sun House : Dead Letter Blues

DIPLOMACY PART ONE: DESERT TEMPTATION

“Come on Juicy Pear it seems we have to resolve a diplomatic incident ”

Blue heaven and you and I
And sand kissing a moonlit sky
A desert breeze whispering a lullaby
Only stars above you to see I love you

(Jihyo)

Mario Lanza : The Desert Song

(Songwriters: Oscar Hammerstein / Otto Harbach / Sigmund Romberg)

“New sword Gabriel I see. Well, our sweet did put your last one through its silver paces,”

Jihyo said with a wonderful glint in her loving dark eyes. “What a tease.”

Archangel Gabriel shuddered at the memory of “Angel Number Two’s over exuberance” in the celestial theme park. A poster of Bora  now stood on the gates of the park and was platsered all around the inside.

“BANNED. Under no circumstances may Miss Bora enter the park. If seen trespassing please report to the nearest angelic security. ”

“Angel number two” had made quite the impressio when we were there.

Archangel Gabriel in a very showy ostentatious way swung his new sword in a circle high above his head,

“Behold.”

A shimmering porthole appeared before us. Archangel Gabriel beckoned Jihyo and I to enter. My love took my hand,

“Come on Juicy Pear our FIFA champion is calling.”

We stepped into the porthole. An early morning chilly mist, grey and damp surrounded us. We wondered hand in hand deep into the mist, grey like Everton playing football. It enveloped us in every direction, “Moyesiah” greyness. Suddenly our breath was taken away, sucked out of our bodies in an instant by stifling, sticky heat. A cloudless blue ocean was above our heads from which a yellow fireball dazzled. We stood on a rocky sandy path atop a small hill. The path led down to burning orange. A large circus tent which changed colour every few seconds, a christmas decoration big top could be seen in the distance.

“It’s JC’s tent Dunder’s; our love must be waiting there.”

I nodded and hand in hand with Jihyo starteded to walk down the path to the desert below. The sun baked us; our clothes stuck to our bodies like super glue, sweat eased from every pore.  We walked on slowly, the sun parching our throats which were quickly turning into sand paper. Suddenly ahead we spied a strange figure crouched in a ball, head between their knees, dressed in a green and blue gown. We approached the green and blue crouched figure who slowly arose like a flower blooming, its petals opening to the blazing sun. A 만신 (Manshin) stood before us in a flowing green and blue dress decorated with peacock feathers. On her head was a black velvet 전립 (Jenolip) with orange and yellow tassels. She held a a band of bells in both hands.  Her face was a tale of centuries, wrinkles like streams ran in every direction, lay lines. Her hands translucent, skin paper thin with aged blue veins criss crossing, arms skeletal, a pair of chop sticks. Visionless watery eyes stared into myself and Jihyo, into our chests, our hearts.  I stood frozen as the ancient 만신 (Manshin) looked beyond my heart and into my very soul, sightless eyes digging deeper and deeper. Was this an hallucination due to the heat, but my darling saw the  만신 (Manshin) aswell and stood staring  in confusion at this strange being. The 만신 (Manshin) shook her bells in my face, smiled unsettlingly through a toothless mouth, all red and grey gums, jelly gone bad.

“커피 메이커 붐”

(keopi meikeo bum)

“Coffee maker, BOOM!”

I gasped. This could only be a reference to “Miss Won’s” last crazy idea.

I was out in town with my angels. For some inexplicable reason we found ourselves wondering around John Lewis.

“Look at that,“

said “angel number two,” pointing to a La Spaziale S5 Espresso Machine down in price from £2995 to £2665.

“Honey Bun, Juicy Pear, we really could do with one of these.”

“Darling it may not be the best idea,”

said Jihyo.

“Don’t be silly Hun, we are always waiting ages when Dunder’s is making coffee. He can’t even operate a Cafetiere. Instant even causes him problems!”

커피 한잔을 시켜놓고 그대 올때를 기다려봐도
Even if I order a cup of coffee and wait for you to come

웬일인지 오지를 않네 내 속을 태우는구려
For some reason you don’t come, it’s burning me up

팔분이 지나고 구분이 와요

After eight minutes, the distinction comes.

김추자   Kim Choo-Ja  : 커피 한 잔 A Cup of Coffee

I was about to agree with my greatest obsession and save my bank account, but “angel number two” had her hand deep down in the pocket of my shorts, so I was not complaining. I was brought back from a nice roaming sensation as a maniacal laugh filled the air. Shoppers fled in every direction to save themselves from being trampled underfoot. “Miss Won” had made off with my wallet.  Moments later we were £2665 worse off and £2000 in the red. I was the one lumping the La Spaziale S5 Espresso Machine back to the flat. When we arrived home Jihyo and I were amazed that Bora left the La Spaziale S5 Espresso Machine in the kitchen wrapped snuggly in its box. I made a nice 맑은탕 (Maeuntang, spicey fish stew) for dinner and we had a cozy Jeon Yeo Been  night. We went for “Dark Nuns.”  Watching JYB as sister Michaela in a nun’s habit is enough to blow anyone’s mind, and ours, as always when watching JYB were duly blown.

“Really need Kazza to watch Dark Nuns, Beenie can show him how to deal with demons without having to jump through windows,”

said Bora, which made Jihyo and myself smile. She says it everytime we watch “Dark Nuns.”

It had just gone midnight when our obsession went to bed.

“Why don’t you get started on the transfer targets paper Dunders?”

I thought that is a bit strange coming from Bora, what scheme is the “exuberant one” cooking up now. When “angel number two” went to the kitchen and returned with a glass of 소주 soju for me I shrugged my shoulders and got to work on the transfer targets paper. Being served by “angel number two,” is a very rare, in fact never happened before event. “Angel number two” returned to the kitchen. I heard rattling, banging and quite a few, well more than a few curses coming from the kitchen, but I was so busy with the transfer targets paper, I let it slide. Not checking up on “angel number two,” always a fatal mistake!

“DUNDER’S!”

I instanly stopped work on the transfer targets paper, I realised the mistake I had made. I went to the kitchen and stood dumfounded. The floor was covered in screws, filters, tubes, the  silver shiny La Spaziale S5 Espresso Machine had been taken apart. It looked like a shoal of dead silver fish floating in a river.

“Would you believe it Juicy Pear. I thought it would be easy to take a look inside this infernal piece of junk and we could turn it into a  소주 soju maker. But look at it, designed by some fucking NASA boffins. Probably had one on that stupid rocket which recently went round the moon. Bet the Russians aren’t that stupid. Pencils and all that.”

The second most beautiful women in the world placed the the murder implement, a screwdriver which she had dismantled the shiny silver La Spaziale S5 Espresso Machine in my hand. With a look of annoyance at the dead fish spread across the kitchen floor,

“Put it back together Dunder’s. We will need coffee for the morning. Night, Night.”

Ressurecting a dead La Spaziale S5 Espresso Machine is a challenging piece of work. Dawn was breaking when I finally reincarnated the La Spaziale S5 Espresso Machine.

“Lazarus, come forth!”

Jihyo woke me just after midday with a peck on my cheek. My eyes opened to the glorious sight of the most beautiful women to ever live.

“Our darling is wating for coffee my sweet.”

I gave a wide yawn and went to the kitchen were “angel number two” stood waiting.

“Good job Dunder’s, you brought the infernal thing back to life. You now have the great pleasure of making the first cups of coffee and be quick about it, I shall be with Sweet Peach in the front room.”

What a woman. I set about making coffee. The sparkling La Spaziale S5 Espresso Machine was making some strange sounds but what was I to know. Maybe that is the sound it was supposed to make, or just teething problems after being raised from the dead.

“BOOM”

My face was covered in coffee granules as my angels ran into the kitchen.

“He has broken our La Spaziale S5 Espresso Machine on the first day Honey Bun. Can he do nothing right!”

As usual “Miss exuberant” had covered her back in a flash. I mean all I did was try and put back together her coffee machine murdering antics.

Jihyo after she had stopped giggling at my coffee splattered face said,

“Don’t worry it has a two year warranty, what have you done with the receipt darling?”

“Receipt?, What is the meaning of receipt?”

The 만신 (Manshin) was clearly powerful if she could look into the coffee past so clearly.

“완두콩 두뇌 하나  죽음은 당신을 따라다닙니다. 지금도 그는 당신의 어깨 곁에 서서 기다리고 있습니다.”

(wandukong dunoe hana jug-eum-eun dangsin-eul ttaladanibnida. jigeumdo geuneun dangsin-ui eokkae gyeot-e seoseo gidaligo issseubnida.)

“Pea brain, death follows you. Even now he is standing by your shoulder, waiting, waiting.”

Not the thing I wanted to hear. Knowing about the exploding end of the La Spaziale S5 Espresso Machine was one thing, but the second part I could do without.  In reality I knew. With my Purgatory sentence, the Grim Reaper was always at my shoulder, ready to strike. Only the love of my greatest desire fended off the scythe and the hourglass.

The 만신 (Manshin)  turned to my ultimate desire and pointed to the colour changing tent away across the dunes

“FIFA 미스께서 성스러운 천막에서 두 분을 기다리고 계십니다. 입 냄새 고약한 뿔 달린 자를 조심하세요.”

(FIFA miseukkeseo seongmag-eseo du bun-eul gidaligo gyesibnida. ib naemsaega goyaghan ppul dallin namjaleul josimhaseyo.)

“Miss FIFA is waiting for the two of you in the Holy Tent. Beware the horned sun bather with bad breath.”

The 만신 (Manshin)  shook her bells one more time before crouching back into a ball which turned to sand and crumbled away, leaving behind two bottles of Highland Spring. Very thoughtful.

 Jihyo took my hand,

“Stay close my love, evil stands in our way. We have been warned.”

Jihyo gave me a peck on the cheek for courage and handed me one of the bottles of Highland Spring. We set off trapasing through the deep sand towards the Holy Tent. I was uplifted walking through the desert with my obsession. She made my thoughts burn hotter than the Mojave desert.

Well, God bless the day that you came along
And you tipped my apple cart
You made me hotter than Mojave in my heart
Now it’s hotter than Mojave in my heart

Iris DeMent : Hotter Than Mojave in My Heart

Jihyo left her purple hoody on the desert floor as the heat intensified.  Now just in shorts and green tee shirt which stuck to her body alluringly, her chest!! My mind whirled at so beautiful a sight, my head burned with lust under the desert sun. JC’s temptation was nothing to the vision before me.

The weather forecast was for snow. I went to Crosby Beach with my angels. Sitting huddled together to keep off the biting wind, snowflakes began to fall, it was like being in a fairytale. We sat together on the white sand our hands carressing each other, our burning desire keeping us warm We made small talk as we stared into the snow filled sky and looked out over the grey water What a day that was, hungering for each other on a snow filled beach, unable to quench the hunger until our night of triangulation. The magical Crosby Beach day came to my mind as my lust went beyond one hundred degrees in the desert heat.

I gave my bottle of water to my princess, licking her sweat was all I needed. She handed the bottle back.

“Sweet of you Juicy Pear, but keep the water, I’m fine, and we will be at the tent in around I would calculate a couple of hours.”

We continued to make our way wandering through the desert when we came across a deck chair parked in front of a stage where “Pepper Purple Toes and Leo Soothsayer,” both in nothing but bright turquoise underpants, Pepper also in his purple moon boot trainers  were butchering Hako Yamasaki’s さすらい (Wandering).

遠い明日は見たくない

I don’t want to see the far tomorrow

ふり向きたくもない

I also don’t want to turn around back

山崎ハコ Hako Yamasaki  :  Wandering

A grotesque figure sat in the deck chair, sunglasses and flowery shorts from which protruded a long tail. The chest of this sun worshipper was covered in hair which lice had made their home. Goatee beard and fiery red eyes, there was no mistaking.

“Louie!”

Jihyo exclaimed.

“A good day to you as well my great adversary and Mr no brain,”

said “Stinky Breath Horn Head.”

 “I have been waiting for you to wander by. A good song choice don’t you think. Although, ha ha,, can’t say much about the performers.  I hear the third part of your ménage à trois  has caused quite the commotion in the Celestial City. She really should come over to my side. She is superb.”

“Don’t use our loves name in vein, you nasty man.”

“Oh, come now sweet Jihyo, can you not take the compliment about Miss Bora as it was intended.

“We don’t have time to listen to your evil nonsense, just keep your sunbathing and musical racket to yourself. Come Dunder’s let’s leave this silly creature.”

“Satan burst out in a hideous laugh, a cloud of sulphur floating from his mouth turning into a nauseous gas ans it mixed with the desert heat.”

Myself and Jihyo covered our mouth and nose.

“Not so quick my friends. I thought you might like to have a word with my underling after his superb latest piece of nonsense. Quite the piece don’t you think, and published two games before the end of such an underwhelming season.  I thought you may want to congratulate him so I have brought him along for a quick chat before you head off to JC’s tent. By the way where you are standing is the very spot I tempted the numbskull. Bit of history for you. Maybe I should sell tickets. “Come and see the spot in the wilderness were the cloth head was tempted.” Might be a good little earner. I could open a souvenir shop selling fake stones as the actual stone I asked him to turn to bread, that sort of thing. Damn! I’m such a good entrepreneur. The Friedkin can’t lick my hoofs.”

Then Jesus answered, “Go away Satan!” The scripture says , “Worship the Lord your god and only him”

Mathew : 4 : 10

Catholic good News Bible 2005 edition

“That’s what he said to me after I tempted him three times. He has no gratitude. I thought I can’t be wasting my time with this loser when my great adversary, your great self miss Jihyo lay ahead in the future. So, I just told him to “Piss off” and left. No time to be wasting on a plastic imitation of the great Jihyo.“

I don’t care if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Sittin’ on the dashboard of my car.

Hal Holiday and the Honky Tonk Review

(Songwriters Ed Rush and George Cromarty)

“You are such a bad man Louie.”

“Ha ha it’s what I’m good at Saint Jihyo. Would you both like a cool Pineapple, Bovril cocktail. I can see it is uncomfortably warm for you both. “

I declined the poison along with my obsession.

Satan took a loud slurping snake like sip through a straw of his own Pineapple and Bovril cocktail, contained in a “Pepper Purple Toes and Leo Soothsayer” world tour souvenir glass.

“Superb, very refreshing. Are you sure you don’t want one?

Our faces of disgust answered that question.

“Really you don’t know what you missing.! As I was saying before you two go to see that idiot JC, I thought I would give you the chance to answer the nonsense my acolyte put on the loser’s website. One of his best pieces of crap I have to say. Truly astounding work of art.”

https://www.evertonfc.com/news/2026/may/16/moyes–programme-notes-for-final-home-game-of-the-season

Satan stood and lifted up the deck chair. Buried deep in the sand was the “Mao historian,” only his sunburned head was above the sand like a burnt potato.  A Walnut Whip had been placed on his head. The chocolate and vanilla fondant cream had melted and dribbled down his face which now resembled a Zebra. The half walnut was left sitting in the middle of his head like an acorn fallen to a forest floor.

“Your head is extremely red “Hang Dog.” You forgot the suncream. Anyway, just recap some of the more ridiculous parts of your latest piece of nonsense. Don’t want to hold our guests up for too long.”

“Pineapple and Bovril  please,”

uttered the parched “Mao historian.”

“Really Angus you must learn to wait. All good things come to those who wait.  Now get on with it.“

“Yes my lord and maste.,”

“Very good “Hang Dog.” You two stop your attempt at music we can’t hear ourselves think over here.”

“Pepper Purple Toes and Leo Soothsayer” who were getting ready for another “song” instantly stopped at Satan’s command.

“That’s better. Now Angus take it away.”

The Mao histrian through is parched throat began.

“As we look back on the season, we can be ‘happily satisfied’. The progress is clear but we have not achieved anything yet.”

Jihyo gave a sniggering laugh.

“I know most Evertonians are unthinking sheep who believe any propaganda you, the club and the Echo put out Angus, but there are some who will continue to speak the truth. What progress are you talking about? Please enlighten. Everton have finished  with 49 points, just one point more than last season. Everton have finished 13^th the same position as last season. So where is the progress? The toffees over performed with an aging squad during the season. It was clear as day to those with just the slightest knowledge it would all come crashing down at one point, and the final part of the season was that point. Average possession through the season Everton finished 17.^thAccurate passes per match 17.^th Touches in the opposition box 15.^th Corners won 15.^th These sort of stats go on and on, and are unsustainable.

https://www.fotmob.com/leagues/47/stats/premier-league/teams

“The end of the season finally caught up with the toffees. Blues laughed at the coalition for constantly pointing out Everton would finish below half way, but as awlays we were proved right. Who lis aughing now “Moyesiah” acolytes!”

“Are you on another planet. Planet “Hang Dog.” You may try to pretend that “a hundred flowers are about to bloom,” as Mr Zedhong would say.”

안개속에 핀 저 꽃처럼

Like that flower blooming in the mist

무지개처럼 피어나네

Blooming like a rainbow

산울림 San-unlim  : 안개 속의 꽃  A Flower in the Mist

“In reality the earth is stagnant and barren, no flowers will grow down at Spaceship Central. There  has been no progress at Everton from the 2024-2025 season, no matter how you and the Echo propagandists try to paint the picture. The club has a manager so out dated if not removed he will inevitably lead the toffees into a relegation battle next season. Like to see you dress that up as progress.”

The sand head was clearly flustered by my obsessions response. He continued with another piece of his other worldly statement.

“The squad construction, off a challenging base of only 12 contracted players in July 2025, has been largely successful. Jack Grealish and Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall brought us immediate impact and quality, whilst Thierno Barry and Merlin Rohl have shown they have the potential to both be Everton starters, whilst highlighting the patience we need to exhibit if we are going to be serious about nurturing emerging talent. Equally important were the players we were able to re-sign with Michael Keane and Idrissa Gana Gueye returning to play central roles as regular starters.”

Jihyo rolled her eyes, which always sent a sexual thrill through me like a knife through butter.

“My dear Maoist if you think “Taylor Swift” was successful what can I say. £11 million loan fee for a one trick pony treatment table which we did warn you about. Dewsbury-Hall played quite well I grant you until falling off a cliff late in the season. Anyone who thinks he is some  super Premier League player need to take a good look at themselves. Barry give it a rest. Needs moving on asp. Merlin Rohl, my god he is a genius according to most blues after a few promising games. I’m sorry he is a player with a questionable fitness record, but Everton are masters of signing such players, has a burst of speed  but little else. Frankly bang average. I note the other pack of duds the club signed last summer you do not mention. Why is that ? You loved singing their praises just a few months ago. Surely you remember them, Dibling, Aznou, Travers. Not the greatest bunch but you and the ridiculous Leadership team saw fit to bring them in. Dibbling for an eye watering amount. Talk about burning money! Michael Keane give me strength and he has another contract for next season. The pretend hard man tied down for the next two seasons and who was a liability last season. Mykolenko about to sign a new contract. The defence is a complete shambles. The truth is the club has one good defender Jarrard Branthwaite who can’t stay fit. O’Brien is not a right back and is a capable at best Centre Back. Those who claim he is some sort of Daniel Passarella need to have a brain operation. Dunder’s watched him numerous times for Lyon. A whole new defence is needed for next season as well as a defensive midfielder, a couple of wingers, not “Taylor Swift,” and  a competent striker. All that is just for starters. So much for the great leadership team.“

“Hang Dog’s” face was getting redder and redder with annoyance as my obsession pulled his ridiculous statements apart with consumate ease.

“Our job in the coming weeks and months is to continue with what we always knew would be a two-summer window plan, and ensure the squad has enough depth to mount an even more compelling challenge next term.”

“You really do talk complete crap Angus. The first summer window was a disaster, the highlight of folly being the ridiculous loan for treatment table “Taylor Swift.” Added to this let’s give Southampton a good belly laugh by paying £35 million rising to £40 million for Tyler Dibling. Simply absurd. Aznou please. Thierno Barry lets pay 23.75 million for a striker who is no better than the incredibly average Beto. Merlin Roh,no brilliant midfielder. Mark Travers no were near good enough as a backup keeper.  Dewsbury Hall, did quite well, scored a few goals before dropping his standards during the last few months. The over hyping of Dewsbury Hall is frankly staggering.  That was the first part of your two-summer window plan, a complete and utter disaster. Why are you Angus, even on the pompously named leadership team, making decisions on players? On football matters you are to put it mildly brainless. Your first interview with the club’s propaganda website on becoming the club’s CEO was frightening in your idiotic ramblings. You really don’t understand the role of a Director of Football and yet you are CEO of Everton Football Club, simply appalling. A bureaucracy masquerading as a leadership team wasted £129.75 million last summer to bring in bang average dross. Two year plan. Well year one has left Everton in the same spot as the end of the 2024-2025 season. So don’t spout nonsense about the second part of your plan. The only plan that is needed is your removal along with the other no marks on the leadership team, Cox, Smith, Howorth and your “paperbag” mate Hammond.”

“Which brings me to “Mr Windows 98,” the great “Moyesiah.”

The head in the sand smiled weakly, he thought he could out do my obsession when it came to the “Moyesiah.”

“David Moyes marked his 750th Premier League game recently, consolidating his position as the manager with the third highest number of points in Premier League history. His passion for Everton, coupled with his vast Premier League experience, continues to drive standards at Finch Farm, and be the architect of the team spirit which has been at the heart of this season’s progress. Whilst the media and other fanbases clamour for frequent managerial change, we value the stability that David brings and the ability this gives the whole Club to plan for the long term.”

“750 games, the third highest points in Premier League history, his passion for the club and vast Premier League experience. What absolute garbage. None of this means anything or has any relevance to the here and now.. The only thing which counts is if David Moyes after over 750 Premier League games is still in touch with the modern game, which we have pointed out since his return, he is not. He is a man so far stuck in the past; you probably needed a time machine to retrieve him. A manager who is tactically inept, cannot change tactics in game, picks the same team over and over. The God of conservative low possession, defensive, tactically inept football. “

“We value the stability David brings and the ability this gives the club to plan for the long term. What stability is that?Hanging round the lower reaches of mid table at best, until an inevitable relegation fight, which will be the ultimate end of this “Living in the Past” manager. You wrote your fantasy piece two games before the end of the season. You could not wait to give full backing to “Mr Windows 98.”No waiting to the end of the season before assessing his work. Just pathetic. The Liverpool Echo, who else, came out with an appalling article just after your flight of fancy. The author of the article is one of those “Everton are too big a club” clowns.  Said journalist reels out what David Moyes did in his first stint at Everton. He has not got the brains to see that has nothing to do with the David Moyes of today who has no relevance to the modern game. Yet this journalist says the “Moyesiah” demands more respect. Don’t tell me, Dunder’s or any of the coalition who to respect Mr journalist. Maybe you should respect the Bournemouth’s and Brighton’s of this world which you try to belittle in your pathetic article.”

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/everyone-everton-should-done-better-33979798

“What is the long term plan for the club my little Maoist? What is the vision for the club? The Friedkin never speaks and has never even been to watch a game at the godawful spaceship. Americanisation, football as a Disney Theme Park, that is the only vision at the club.”

“A tactically inept out of his time manager, you a football dim wit who write and speak garbage, and a so called leadership team not fit for purpose. “Mr Windows 98” summed up the state of the club at the end of his pre Sunderland press conference on 15 May. Besides the comment about Seamus Coleman, “he will always have a desk at Everton.” What! Why? Just because you have been a good servant at the club does not entitle you to a job at the club. Sentimental crap, something which Everton is adept at, it eats away like a cancer. Then we got the final flourish were the “Moyesiah” said the club will be looking for ageing Premier League experience in the summer. Simply appalling. No vision, no plan, just aging on the decline players who will be part of a going nowhere “Moyesiah” master plan. Scouting the world for young cheap talent which Dunder’s can do on his own, and has long advocated, is beyond Everton, and is not even part of the club’s strategy. Just stay in the league while we continue to turn the club into a cash cow theme park. Golf, rugby games, unique seats, a night with big gob Tony Beltbuckle for fucks sake! Four kits, season ticket hikes and more to come no doubt. The acolytes will say this is needed to bring in money to reinforce the squad and most will believe this bullshit. TFG are not interested in football and its about time blues woke up to this fact. The club is nothing but an investment to hopefully make money, nothing else. Finishing 13th, 14th 15th is all the same to TFG, they don’t care as long as Everton remain a Premier League Club. It is not about football, flyboy probably has no interest in the game. It is all about turning their investment into a rip off theme park. All hail the mighty dollar.”

“But don’t worry Hang Dog, the masses will lap up your vacuous nonsense while the club goes nowhere. Your acolytes are out there doing their best to glorify the stability and progress! The so called Echo Everton correspondent made the ridiculous statement that progress has “undoubtedly,” yes “undoubtedly” been made on the Royal Blue Podcast 20^th May 2026. Another podcaster on the same show came out with the usual Everton are where they are when you look at their budget. This is the person who said earlier in the year Everton are to big a club to operate a buy young emerging talent and sell for a profit strategy. It’s history won’t allow it. My god talk about brain dead. The same excuse as usual, it’s all down to money, the big six etc, Everton can’t compete against such behemoths. No thought of worldwide scouting, finding talent cheaply and building a young team to challenge. To the Echo cloth heads and all the “Moyesiah acolytes such a plan is impossible. Can’t be having such an idea, heresy, that is not part of the strategy. The sad fact is even if the club had such a strategy, the recruitment team at Everton are incapable of carrying out such a plan.“

“TFG have to wake up and smell the coffee. They need to dispose of “Mr Windows 98,” he only has a year left on his contract, surely they can afford it. Along with the “Moyesiah” you need to go as well my little CEO and the not fit for purpose pompously named leadership team. This is TFG’s final chance for a total reset, a vision with a modern up to date manager, a proper Director of Football / Technical Director and a strategy of recruiting young players who can build a successful team together, or be sold for profit. Dunder’s scouting paper for the summer window will be out in a few weeks. But sadly, it seems TFG have not got the slightest interest in progressing the club as long as the long game is the dividend, the all mighty dollar. They don’t care about progressing the toffees, and are clueless about football. It’s not the “smell the coffee” for them, but “smell the greenback.” Even podcasters and writers such as the Esk who can be critical of the club can’t bring themselves to see the truth, arguing different scenarios for Everton, unable to see the glaring truth.

Everton Football club: Manager ? System or players? Attacking performance review: 2025/26 Premier League season

“The truth is simple. A total reset is needed, if not the club will be doomed to lower midtable and relegation battles. TFG have not got the brains, or foresight to see this. They are only interested in making money, maximising their investment. Football is secondary to them. It’s about time blues woke up to this fact.”

“The fight to the death is moving into overdrive.  The coalition will not let you, the leadership team, the “Moyesiah ” and TFG let the club stagnate into a cash cow theme park and a relegation scrap.”

Satan gave a howl of delight. He clapped slowly, his giant paws sending a swarm of flies into the air. The flies instantly settled on the melted walnut whip, giving “Hang Dog’s” face a horror film look. He looked a bit like Sam Neil with his stiched eyes in “Event Horizon.”

“Saint Jihyo you are truly wonderful, my greatest adversary. You have destroyed “Hang Dog” yet again. I really hate you, hate you, but you gotta call me baby!”

“Hey, well I hate you with a crush oh baby yeah (but call me)
Well you know my hate’s everlastin’ baby yeah yeah (but call me)

The Monks : I Hate You

My blood started to boil at that remark, was “Stinky Breath Horn Head” making a pass at my ultimate desire. He turned his burning eyes on me.

“Why pea brain you can actually think. He has murderous intentions for me Miss Jihyo. As for you well, talk about the pleasure dome.”

“Don’t over reach yourself Louie my love came 5th in the South Liverpool Under Sevens Karate Regional Championships. He has entered again for later this year and Bora and I expect him to take fifth place again.”

“Ha ha, very good, keeping everything on a stable footing are you Mr empty head. The “Moyesiah will be proud of you. But alas our time is up. I have a bit of work to do with “Hang Dog,” before I send him back to the “March for Taylor.” Its closing in on Birmingham by the way. Oh yes I forgot, it seems miss “I’m always right” is causing more trouble in celestial land. You really should keep her away from the chess board”

My obsession groaned, I giggled.

“It seems nothing changes when it comes to miss Bora. You may go my friends until we take up the battle cudgels once again. Whatever you do I will win, nothing will change. TFG, Hang Dog, the Leadership clowns, the Echo and Athletic acolytes, the “Moyesiah.” I have a mighty army. Nothing will change, I will bring the toffees down.”

人工衛星は暗闇の中　孤独を泳ぐ

In the darkness the satellite swims in loneliness

絵画よりも広いこの世の爆発は祈

Wider than a painting the explosion of this world, a prayer

明日もきっと　変わりはない

Tomorrow, too, nothing will change

明日もきっと　変わりはない

カネコアヤノ Kaneko Ayano :  孤独と祈り Solituse and Prayer   – 孤独と祈り

“We will see about that Louie!”

said my love with an anger raging so brightly it consumed me. I could take her behind the nearest sand dune at this very moment.

“Dunder’s this is not the time.”

I blushed hotter than the desert we stood in.

Satan waved us off as we headed across the sands. It was another hour of walking hand in hand, my eyes glued to the sweat soaked obsession before me, my mind dizzy with carnal lust. We reached JC’s tent, the Celestial City floated in the air, all golden towers and mansions about a mile behind it.

Jihyo licked my ear, delectable.

“Leave this to me Dunder’,. I can smooth things over. JC is a good egg but comes over rather pompous and plastic at times. Louie got that right.”

We entered the Holy Tent.

You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark
He’s pink and pleasant
Take Him with you when you’re travelling far

The Goldcoast Singers : Plastic Jesus

One Foot, Two Shadows, Three Passports Part Six : A River, Woolly Hats, And A Good Man Gone Bad

투먼강의 푸른 물가 옆 하얀 모래톱 위에

On the white sandbank by the blue waters of the Tumen River

오래전 내 연인을 태워간 그 배는 어디로 갔을까?

The boat that carried my lover away long ago—where has it gone?

사랑하는 이여, 언제 돌아오시겠어요?

My beloved, when will you return?

김정고 Kim Jeong-go : 투먼 강 위의 눈물 Tears on the Tumen River

We were closing in on Greenwich Pier, my obsession had not spoken since she had receiving the message from JC about miss “FIFA’s” thrashing of Mr Dean, his break down and subsequent hiding away in his golden mansion. I tried to keep my giggling under control but 61-0! I finally burst, a ballon pricked by a pin. My eyes were awash with tears of laughter when I suddenly stopped in mid giggle. Jihyo’s laser beam eyes burnt into me. Even when she is angry she is still the most beautiful precious person to ever walk the planet. Those loving lasers can burn me forever. We sat next to each other staring out at the Thames, the sun glinting, its rays swimming like small golden fish on the grey water. I took in my loves body heat, her impossible beauty and angry deep dark loving eyes. In the silence sat next to my ultimate desire  I became a floating light, waiting to be awoken from a dream.

そして軽くなっていく体が光に溶けて

And my body, becoming lighter, melts into the light

夢に溶けて

And into a dream

衛星 恋人たち  Satellite Lovers  : ソラヘ ビッグデモ Sorahe Big Demo

We were minutes away from docking at Greenwich Pier when my angel smiled. I melted.

“Really what am I to do with you two. We will have to go and sort this diplomatic incident out as soon as we have our passports. You both can be so infuriating. Exhausting!“

“I’m certain you will be able to smooth things over.”

I replied.

“Hmmm with you and Bora I am smoothing things over every day.”

“Calling Greenwich Cruise Ship please hold all passengers on board when you dock. We have reason to believe you may have two undesirables on board who are of interest to the security of the UK and crap backward football. We have people at dockside waiting. Please respond, Over.”

My love and I looked out at the grey water were Officer Copper Pot stood in a rowing boat megaphone in hand. Constables Thick Lip and Skinny Bones in what looked like brand new uniforms were the rowers.

“Affirmative Thames Police boat, message understood, Over,”

came the reply from the cruise ship Captain.

Jihyo whispered to me,

“This is a tricky situation Dunder’s we will need to be careful if we are to get off this boat. It seems the enemy are closing in.”

Things quickly turned from a tricky situation into a full blown crisis. We looked out at Greenwich Pier were a barricade had been set up. A car drove up to the barricade.  Out stepped Seoul Sation Chief X immaculate in black suit with stars and stripes pin badge, some very chic blue wraparounds hiding his eyes and perfect square white implants shining from his jutting jaw. Next came Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat sporting his usual black prosecutor gown, his pincer glases reflecting the suns rays like a million flashlights.  It was the next two people which caused me to gulp. The head of the Canterbury Bovril Cannery Cartel “Big Woolly Hat M,” his backpack brimming with woolly hats, and his bearded sidekick the crazy wannabe conquistador “Duff El Coat,”  wearing a brown heavy duffel coat and a conquistador Morion.

I could not believe my eyes.

“My God it’s the head of the CBCC and his main sidekick.”

“Who are the CBCC my Juicy Pear,”

enquired Jihyo.

“The Canterbury Bovril Cannery Cartel. A bad bunch led by the evil citizen of Canterbury known as “Big Woolly Hat M.” He fancies himself as an evil mastermind, although mastermind is very questionable!  He leaves woolly hats on trains wherever he goes. Quite forgetful. His life is legendary as a shining example of a good man gone bad. His dream was always to become a catholic priest. As a child he was the most diligent church attender. He was an altar boy and went to mass at least four times a week. He was legendary for the length of time he spent in the confessional. He brought up everything. “Father I have sinned, I stole the pencil off the boy who sits next to me at school.” “Father I bought some sweets and put one in my pocket without anyone knowing.” “Father I left one question unanswered in my homework.” “Father I never polished my shoes today.” Priests were scared to death when they saw him coming to confession. They knew it was less whiskey drinking time if they wound up giving confession for hours on end. Excuse after excuse was used to prevent “Big Woolly Hat M” from being able to go to confession. Notes kept appearing on the closed church doors. Sickness bug no confession today. Church is being cleaned confession postponed. Waiting for a new confession booth. This made “Big Woolly Hat M” angry, he knew their game, pretend men of God. Unable to have confession a darkness began to grow in his heart. The final straw came when his dream of becoming a Catholic Priest went up in smoke; he was turned down at the Diocesan discernment process. His dream of training in a Seminary was in tatters. Seeing his lifelong ambition crushed the dark place in his heart fully took root. He put his Bible away in a cupboard, destined to gather dust with his collection of Pinini World Cup sticker albums and Rupert the Bear christsmas annuals. He turned to attending as many Squeeze concerts as he could. It was at one such concert in Liverpool where his turn to the dark side was cemented.  He was dancing away and singing along to “Cool for Cats,” Pepper Purple Toes was making a guest appearance on keyboards.“

(Musical health warning. )

And Davy Crockett rides around and says it’s cool for cats
It’s cool for cats (cool for cats)

Squeeze : “Cool for Cats

“It was while he was embarrassing everyone around him with his dancing, the audience complained to security that he was spoiling there enjoyment, although how anyone can enjoy the godawful Squeeze is a universal mystery. “Big Woolly Hat M” noticed people getting high on Bovril Lemmon Drops. That planted the seed, he was doing deals down at the docks for counterfeit beef extract and beef powder within weeks.  In just one year he and his recruited entourage had full control of the Merseyside Bovril trade. There followed a Bovril epidemic. The boys in blue attempted a crackdown. Full scale war ensued with explosions at many police stations. Removing Bovril from the staion walls was taking hours of police time. The decorating trade made a killing. I must say I approve of the Bovril explosion that plastered Anfield. Red shite supporters had brown bottoms after games for months. A peace conference through church intermediaries was organised, an under the table deal was struck. “Big Woolly Hat M” was allowed to spread his empire as long as he moved from Merseyside. Canterbury was where he rocked up in a mansion bought with his ill-gotten gains. From Canterbury he spread his tentacles far and wide, even into other countries. “Pepper Purple Toes” and ”Leopold Soothsayer” were his instrument of smuggling Bovril out of the country hidden in secret compartments on their tour bus.”

“ It was at an Everton game away at West Ham where “Big Woolly Hat M” met the “Pineapple Muncher” and “Lord Tricorn.” The “Klugman clone” was washing his hair that day and “agent Owl” was at Hillsborough with the little tweeters. “Big Woolly Hat M” was like the “Muncher and the “Tricorn” an avid acolyte of the zipped jumper and the ginger dinosaur who were running the Everton shit show at the time. At the game, which the toffees lost obviously, at the behest of Stinky Breath Horn Head, a Pineapple  / Bovril pact was sealed.  A heinous conglomerate. They quickly moved to supporting the “Moyesiah” and the “Mao Historian” when the time came, and are fully paid up members of the “Taylor Swift” fan club. They have their henchmen searching far and wide for his missing foot. Rumour has it they plan to wipe out the Horlicks and Walnut Whip syndicates once they too have succeeded turning the toffees into a relegated theme park.  The evil cartel are used by the CIA, MI5 and MI6 on occasion as a quid pro quo to be left alone to carry on their yellow and brown drug dealing activities!”

Jihyo looked horrified, which by the way is still beautiful.

“That is simply appalling, the evil which spreads throughout the Evertonian family. Stinky Breath Horn Head will stop at nothing to bring down your football club Dunder’s. For the Lord of Darkness he really is a bit thick though, your pack of losers do that job themselves. But I suppose Louie has to have his fun.”

“It’s you my love. Stinky Breath knows your mission to save the world and save the toffees. He won’t give up till the final battle with you in the Valley of Megiddo. Until then he will keep a constant watch on you and try to bring you down.”

You better be careful

′Bout what you do

I didn’t wanna mind

The devil watching you

Lightnin’ Hopkins : The Devil is Watching You

“I know my Juicy Pear. That’s why “Stinky Breath” is constantly quoting Revelation 16 : 16”

“Then the spirits brought the kings together in the place that in Hebrew is called Armageddon”

Revelation 16 : 16

Catholic Goodnews Bible 2005 edition

“Big Wolly Hat M” and the “Four Fineapples of the Moyesiah Apocalypse” plan to be at Megtiddo standing side by side with “Stinky Breath Horn Head, at the day of reckoning,”

I said.

Jihyo smiled.

“Louie really is a silly billy. Armageddon practically happens every week watching your hopeless team. But that is all for another day, we have a more pressing situation to deal with. We need an escape plan if we are to get off this boat and pick up the passports. Officer Copper Pot, Seoul Station Chief X, Prosecutor Meerkat and the  CBCC obviously plan to stop us reaching our destination. I fear the Greys are following us from above and passing on our coordinates. We shake off one shadow and before you know it we have another tail.  

“Ring Ring, Ring Ring”

My obsession answered her mobile.

“JC what is it?  Can you make it quick I have a bit of a problem down here.  Second game is about to start and what! Really you are pretty useless. No wonder you failed in your mission on earth. It’s a wonder you managed to even get resurrected. I have a sticky situation down here at the moment, just tell Bora I said for her to be on her best behaviour. What’s that, her best behaviour is like an earthquake, tsunami and hurricane all rolled into one. Well, that’s why Dunder’s and I love her so. She has such a care free personality don’t you think.  Now I really have to go, send my love to Pope Francis, Mr Zedong and Diego. Speak soon.”

Jihyo had her wonderful annoyed face back. Although I wanted to laugh, this time I held my piece.

“Bora sometimes!”

The passengers were starting to leave the now docked cruise boat and being checked assidiously by “Big Woolly Hat M” and “Duff El Coat.” Seoul Station Chief X and Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat looked on approvingly.

“We are in a real pickle Juicy Pear.”

“I know,”

“Arrggghhhhh”

I spun round with my desire to see Officer Copper Pot, and Constable’s Thick Lip and Skinny Bones flying through the air along with the Thames Police rowing boat. A flock of human birds. They had been blown out of the water by our friend the Humpback Whale who had appeared once again.

“Darling! noooo,”

screamed Seoul Prosecutor Meerkat as his newly wed bride flew through the air like an Exocet missile, landing safely in the Thames to his great relief.

“Quick Dunder’s,”

shouted Jihyo as another sparkling rainbow step bridge came from our mammal friend’s blowhole.

“Big Woolly Hat M” and “Duff El Coat” charged forward with PP-91 Kedr I assault rifles in their hands. “Big Wolly Hat M” was singing the Tom Lehrer classic, blood lust in his eyes as they moved in for the kill.

But there’s one thing that makes spring complete for me
And makes every Sunday a treat for me
All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon
When we’re poisoning pigeons in the park

Tom Lehrer – Poisoning Pigeons In The Park

They fired as my desire and I jumped for the rainbow. I swung in front of my love taking three pineapples and a bag of beef extract in the back. I stood no chance I could feel the poison immediately taking hold, running through my veins, a flowing tap.  My body was going numb; I could not move as the rainbow ladder started to fade.

“Dunder’s my love hold on”

It was the voice of my desire breaking through my fuzzy ringing poison infected ears. I felt strong arms lift me. Through my foggy eyes I saw the two Greek Orthodox Priests who Jihyo had chatted with earlier. They carried me up the rainbow steps as poison bullets bounced off there rotund stomachs like rubber bands.

ηγήσου του δρόμου σωτήρα

igísou tou drómou sotíra

“Lead the way saviour,”

I thought I heard them say but I was closing in on death so was unsure. They managed to get me to the top of the rainbow steps before the steps faded away. We were sliding down the other side of the rainbow in seconds, the Priests holding on to my numb unmoving body.  “Big Woolly Hat M” and “Duff El Coat,” who actually fancies himself as the modern day Hernán Cortés jumped onto the rainbow steps just as they faded into the ether.

“Plop!”

Into the Thames they went. “Big Woolly Hat M” screamed

“My Hats, My Hats.”

His backpack sailed away with his woolly booty. He shouted for “Duff El Coat” to save the hats,

“Hernán, save them, save them you useless conquistador!”

With a heavy duffel coat weighing twice as much in the water, and a conquistador Morion strapped to his head “Duff El Coat” was finding it hard to just stay afloat, there was no way he could save the hats. It was a good job Officer Copper Pot and constables Thick Lip and Skinny Bones were already in the Thames to help him or he would have met a watery death, just like the woolly hats.

I was now close to death myself and delirious. I was running, running down a long dark corridor. A light shone at the end of the corridor. My angels stood either side of a kingsize bed its IKEA sticker on the front. A strong wind blew in my face and my legs struggled through deep mud. I was soon at a crawling pace as a dark hooded figure in a black gown closed in behind me. This was no Jackalope or nine tailed fox like in Alice Evelyn Yan’s novel ”A Beast Slinks Towards Beijing,” which I had just finished reading. This was Death himself. Could I outpace Death and reach my darlings.? The wind got stronger and the mud deeper. I fell into the sludge exhausted, unable to move. Death closed in. I was at the crossroads and death would set me on the road with the sign reading “PURGATORY.”

I went to the crossroad, fell down on my knees
I went to the crossroad, fell down on my knees
Asked the Lord above, “Have mercy, now, save poor Bob if you please”

Robert Johnson : Cross Road Blues

I looked up at my angels for the last time, sucking in their beauty which I would not see for 1400 years. Tears flowed from the most beautiful of all. Angel number two by contrast looked annoyed.

“Really Dunder’s the Kingsize is here and you mess up and go and get killed. Can’t even outrun that Death dude. 1400 years we will be waiting before our triangulation night while you are wasting your time in purgatory . You really have no consideration for Sweet Peach and mine carnal longing.”

What about my longing as well I thought.

My mind was totally befuddled, was I hallucinating. With my final bit of will power I managed to clear my mind. I thought of the mess I would be leaving the toffees in as I crossed Hades. What would my angels do when I had passed. Give up on saving Everton, return to watching Inchon United every game and helping Mr Sycamore torture Huracan supporters. My mind whirled. I would not even be able to get my next scouting paper out. A final deep depressing thought went through my mind.

With 2 games to go to the end of a very underwhelming season Everton sit 10^th in the league yetstill have a chance to qualify for European competition. This ridiculous situation points to the weakness of the League with a glut of average teams battling it out for Europe. That Everton with a backward manager, a not fit for purpose squad and a godawful recruitment team might qualify for European competition if they somehow finish or 8^th  simply beggars believe. At one stage it was even being claimed ten Premier League teams might qualify for European competition.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/cpqp9eqwe72o

It now seems that the European places will only go down as far as 8th, which is still to many.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/cewpkpdgllro

The coalition considers it a disgrace that teams might finish as low as 8^th and still qualify for European competitiom. When did the Premier League turn into the Campeonato Brasileiro Série A ? This absurd situation highlights nothing more than how UEFA cares only about the so called big leagues. Teams from smaller countries, even league champions have to go through play off round after play off round to try and scrape into any European competition league phase they can get their hands on. The coalition would not want Everton to get into Europe this way, scraping in by the back door in 8th place when there are many more deserving teams.

If the toffees do somehow make Europe, now looking more unlikely, it will be the Conference League. You don’t make much money in that competition Danny Boy. According to a BBC report Chelsea only made £15 million for actually winning the Conference League.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/c86en84x5wlo

West Ham more or less the same.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/articles/c4nze0peq65o

Everton would need a bigger squad to compete on the European stage. With the ridiculous so called leadership team whose expertise in recruitment is frankly embarrassing, would the players brought in to help the toffees in such a scenario be up to the required standard? The answer is a resounding no. Last summer’s fiasco of a transfer window bares testament to that. The Conference League would take its toll on the blues league form. Everton will inevitably struggle in the Premier League if they have to fight on the European stage with a not fit for purpose squad and a manager 15 years behind the times. The toffees are not Chelsea who had a squad strong enougth to win the Conference League at a canter. The comparison is West Ham under the “Moyesiah.” The Hammers struggled the season they won the Conference League finishing 14,^th winning just 11 league games and 6 points from the drop.  The so called maestro “Moyesiah” forgets to mention that when he bigs himself up at every press conference about West Ham’s Conference Leagaue triumph. Crystal Palace this season had a horrendous period were they plummeted down the league table due to the demands of European football. A West Ham and Crystal Palace scenario for Everton would lead to a loss of revenue in league finishing position and a loss of Premier League TV revenues throughout the season. Less games picked by Sky and BT. Would the extra finance from a few European games in the Conference League compensate. “Every little helps” in the Tesco Conference League, but it is not the riches of the Harrods Champions League or even the Waitrose Europa League. This is not to say that Everton should not try and finish as high in the league table as possible, but if they do qualify for the Conference League, which in the coalitions eyes is happily becoming more of a stretch, the coalition question if it really will be worth it. With the manager and recruitment set up at the club a struggle in the league will surely be the outcome, before inevitably exiting the Conference League in one of the knockout rounds.

There again the toffees might finish 14^th  and the “Moyesiah” acolytes say he is doing an unbelievable job. Is this an alternate universe?  The propaganda club loyalist Everton correspondent at the Echo was at it again after the 3-3 draw with Manchester City. The title of the article says it all. “The Bigger Picture,” and all that crap.

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/bitter-disappointment-man-city-heartbreak-33891969

The Echo gets away printing this sort of nonsense week after week. It was the bigger picture under “not so magnidico,” “clueless Frank,” the “ginger dinosaur.” and my God the “zipped jumper” and his master plan. The blue masses read and believe such drivel. What is the “Bigger Picture” Echo “Moyesiah” luvies? With just two games of the season left Everton have one point more than they finished with last season not exactly stellar form. The summer transfer window was a complete shambolic mess. The clubs stats are ridiculous. 17th in possession, only West Ham, Wolves and Burnley have less ball possession, a tale in itself. 16th for accurate passes. 15th for winning corners. Touches in the opposition box 12th. Long balls the toffees come in 5th, pity they are not very good at actually playing long ball football though. Block shots / clearances 6th. Lack of possession, below average touches in the opposition box, hoof ball. Everton have to make so many block shots / clearances as they never have the ball, and when they do give it away on numerous occassions as they can’t pass accuratley. These sort of figures are unsustainable. 10th in the league is a false position. Lower is were Everton should be. Such a scenario won’t happen again next season or anytime soon.

(Stats from Fotmob as of 12th May 2026 https://www.fotmob.com/leagues/47/stats/premier-league/teams)

Let’s not forget the Echo, podcasters and social media clowns cry baby antics whenever Everton don’t get a peanalty awarded them or a goal disallowed. If it was not for these wrong decisions we would be higher up the league table nonsense. The Echo have practically written a Phd thesis on the subject. As if the toffees are the only club to get wrong decisions against them. The “He tackles the big decisions” cloth head Michael Ball can have an article printed claiming Everton are refereed diferently than other teams. The “Illuminati” controling the PGMOL and the Premier League. Are you the original authour of“The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail.” Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh and Henry Lincoln are all pen names of Mr “Illuminati.” Ball Grow up you conspiracy whinge bag.

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/everton-being-refereed-differently-heard-33898110

The bigger  picirure is at clubs with a vision, a plan and an up to date modern manager or Head Coach. Brighton have just given Fabian Hurzeler a new three year contract. As he put it on signing the new contract,

“From the beginning our focus has always been on forging an identity, developing the team, challenging the establishment.”

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/cedpl419q86o

Brighton a team with a plan, a style and way of playing, with an ambition to challenge the established top teams. Everton meanwhile have a “Mr Windows 98”, a bureaucracy masquerading as a leadership team and a revenue first, football second philosophy thanks to TFG.

While spouting their “Bigger Picture” nonsense the Echo and it’s so called gaggle of Everton journalists continue to gnash their teeth at the three “killer B’s”.

“They have no right to be above Everton in the league.” What self-entitled crap which they should be ashamed of, but not in their self entitled royal blue bubble. Everton with its history is a bigger club than any of the three B’s how dare they.  “Hurzler, Iraola know your station. Clime back into your beehives and stay there!!” Brighton, Bournemouth, Brentford with commercial deals that pale into insignifcance compared to Everton even in the Goodison days. Bournemouth with a ground under 12,000, Brentford under 18,000 and Brighton under 32,000 all less than Goodisons 39,500 never mind the spaceships 52,769 seats and its horrendous number of executive boxes. The Echo conviently forgets all this when it moans about the spending power of the B’s. The B’s have been able to increase transfer spending over seasons due to good recuitment, bringing in players they can sell for profit. Something some Echo correspondents think is beneath Everton. Last Summer and January Bournemouth spent £180.10 million on transfers in, while selling players for £310.41 million. A profit of £130.31 million, while having to recruit virtually a whole new back line. Everton are unable to recruit a half competent right back. Brentford spent £108.70 million on incomings, outgoings £158.76 million a profit of £50.06 million. Brighton incomings £82.00 million, outgoings £145.15 million. Profit of £63.15 million. Meanwhile Everton spent and wasted £129.75 million on incomings while outgoings was a meagre £12.60 million. £-117.15 million. Of course the Echo and the love train mob ignore all this.

When Bournemouth and Brighton were struggling earlier in the season and the sheep were glorying Everton in 4th and 5th place, the coalition did point out they would finish above the toffees. How? Simple, better squads, better recruitment, better run clubs with up to date modern managers.

Everton went into this season with an inadequate strike duo of Beto and Barry. When either have a good game the love in starts once again. After the City game it’s the Barry love in once again.  After Crystal Palace the acolytes are back on the Beto train. Both are so bang average it is untrue, but not to the “love train mob,” The sheep think Aznou is the answer at left back. Right back let’s put O’Brien there who has been turned inside out whenever faced by any competent winger. Crysencio Summerville anyone, and let’s not mention Doku. and thats just in the last few weeks. A burning hole at right back has not been fixed season on season. “Taylor Swift,” Mr injury prone, as was pointed out in the summer is the biggest joke of all, the Echo’s love child. “How many crawling articles can we put out about Taylor this week .” My God the awful Darren Griffiths along with Danny Cadamarteri commentating on the Huddersfield v Everton Premier League 2 semi final, 11th May, could not help themselfs but sing a love song for “super Jack,” truly embarrassing. So many better, younger, cheaper players out there. I keep spotting them for you Everton. Ryūnosuke Satō, Mika Godts ring any bells!”

Barry, Dibling, Travers, Rohl, Aznou, “Taylor Swift”. What a depressing bunch. Lasts summers recruitment was horrendous. The “know it all’s” say why has the “Moyesiah” not played the summer acquisitions more. Answer they are just not very good. How to burn over £120 million in a transfer window.? No one can do it better than the next step in humanities evolution team and the “Moyesiah.” On the Royal Blue Podcast  29^th April, one of the so called “know it all’s “ actually claimed the squad is not David Moyes’s squad, complete nonsense. Yet they have the audacity to fill the airwaves with such garbage. Forgive me Mr Podcaster but who was the manager in the summer when £129.75 million was spent on the players mentioned above?  Who was the manager in the summer when the toffees gave Michael Keane a contract and have now awarded him one for next season. Most ridiculous of all Seamus Coleman one year contract last summer. Who was the manager when the pretend hard man got a new contract? The performance of the godawful Mr pretend hard man and Michael Keane over the last few months show how both these ex Burnley stalwarts are on a rapid pace of decline. Next season here we come! Oh, let me guess it was your god the “Moyesiah”. So, my dear cloth head how can this team, this squad not be the “Moyesiah’s?” He has input with the brainless Leadership team does he not? Probably has final say.

Everton have not moved on one iota from last season and of course did their usual let’s not bother with the cup’s scenario. The club is a mess run by a “Land of the Free” revenue first, football second thick head of a CEO, a so called leadership team that is not fit for purpose and a manager out of touch with the modern game. As for the crazy Everton are looking at signing young players with sell on value as espoused by many podcasters and social media gurus.  The toffees squad even with the summer signings is still one of the oldest in the Premier League. Links to players for the summer transfer window fill the coalition with dread. “Taylor Swift,” sadly “I’ll be back,” and he ain’t no “Terminator.” Nathan Ake, John Stones, Ben White. All aging past their best players with injury records that can stretch over the Pacific with no sell on value.  Many if not all may well be just paper talk, but these are the sort of players the club will be searching for, “Moyesiah” Premier League treatment table dream team.

Having a plan, a vision, recruiting young players who can grow together or be sold for a profit can be a plan which can work while staying competative. Clubs can compete while carrying out such a strategy. Strasbourg and AZ Alkmaar  being two shining examples. Add a proper healthy academy and a proper multi club ownser model, Black Knights at Bournemouth for example, not the joke TFG model and a club can move forward. This of course means having a vision, plan, leadership team and recruitment team which can spot young talent.  Everton have none of this. I can scout better than anyone at Everton. The “Moyesiah” came out with the most astonishing quote about Merlin Rohl during his pre match press conference before the blues travelled to Selhurst Park.

“People are just starting to see what Merlin can be and is. We are starting to find out what usage we can have for him.”

This starkly highlights the poor recruitment at the club. Merlin Rohl according to the “Moyesiah” was brought in without the club knowing what sort of player he was or how they could use him. Frightening in its incompetence. Did any of the propoganda love crew journalists pick him up on this. Think you know the answer to that!

No plan, no vision just one silly commercial idea after another to rip supporters off while turning the spaceship into Disney Land, that is the Everton of today. “Golf at the spaceship anyone?” Or how about “Optimum Experience London” for the last game of the season at Tottenham Hotspur. Only cost you £3073.44p. Do the club realise how that looks to the vast majority of supporters. That is a fifth of what I get in a year.

https://www.universe.com/events/optimum-experience-london-tickets-L98MT6?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=prematch_crystal_palace_away_2526&utm_content=optimum_experience%2F&lid=yrxocptvr6wr

Just Fuck off Everton and take your unique seats, fourth kits, massive season ticket hikes and every other little piece of nonsense you spew out at every home game with you.

Without a plan, a vision, there is no hope. Sadly, with “Mr Windows 98” and the clowns of the so called Leadership Team running things at Everton nothing will change, and TFG who are only interested in revenue streams are to clueless to realise this.

My mind finally left the distressing mess the “Disney Land American Dream” Everton had become. I envisioned my angels, their beauty, the last thought I wanted before my death.

My mouth was dry and I was paralysed; the poison had wormed into every part of my body. A maggot eating away my flesh, my final breathe.  I could not go on, I could not reach my vision at the end of the corridor. I was ready for death, I had come to terms with it.

死後の世界がどんなものであれ、ここよりひどいことはないだろう

Whatever the afterlife is, it couldn’t be worse than this

ああ、天国の扉は固く閉ざされていて、私を中に入れてくれなかった。

Alas, the heaven’s door was shut tight and wouldn’t let me in

山崎ハコ Hako Yamasaki : 人間まがい Ningen Magai

I felt myself being lowered into sweet smelling grass. My eyes were misty, out of focus, I just made out the shadows of the two Greek Orthodox Priests. They lay a Cadburys Chocolate Orange on my forehead, knelt, made the sign of the cross and began to administer the Greek Orthodox Last Rites.

“Με τα πνεύματα των δικαίων να έχουν τελειοποιηθεί, ανάπαυσε την ψυχή του δούλου Σου, Σωτήρα, και φύλαξέ την σε εκείνη τη ζωή της μακαριότητας που είναι μαζί Σου, Εσύ που αγαπάς την ανθρωπότητα”.

(Me ta pnévmata ton dikaíon na échoun teleiopoiitheí, anápafse tin psychí tou doúlou Sou, Sotíra, kai fýlaxé tin se ekeíni ti zoí tis makariótitas pou eínai mazí Sou, Esý pou agapás tin anthropótita).

“With the spirits of the righteous made perfect, give rest to the soul of your servant, O Savior, and preserve it in that life of blessedness which is with You, O You Who loves mankind.”

A hooded figure stood over me, its black eyes gleamed, mouth smiling, razor sharp teeth ready to feed on my soul. Death had his latest trophy. My final breath was ready to exhale when I heard the voice of my greatest obsession quoting from “Light and Thread,” Han Kang’s latest work which we had read together.

“Where is love?”

“It is inside my thump-thumping beating chest”

“What is love?”

“It is the gold thread connecting between our hearts”

(Han Kang : Light and Thread : Page 161 : Penguin 2026)

I fought my paralysis and stretched out my arm weakly to grasp that golden thread that bound me to Jihyo and Bora,

“MY TWO LOVES”

明日へ繋がるドアを蹴飛ばしてみたいけど

I want to kick down the door that leads to tomorrow,

泣いてる誰かが言う「迷わず進め」

But someone in tears tells me, “Go on without doubt.”

키노코 테이코쿠  Kinoko Teikoku  : 타나토스  Thanatos

“Without doubt, Without Doubt, Without Doubt, Without Doubt”

I felt sweet lips meet mine. The poison was drained away by lips which I wanted to taste, to be joined with mine forever. Never to be parted. I felt free from the poison. My limbs were able to move. My love had pulled me from the doorway of death. A cackle, a hideous scream came from the soul harvester cheated by Jihyo’s miracle. Death faded slowly away. I was healed, I could taste those sweet lips; I held them joined with mine with all my strength until the two Orthodox Priest with some struggle freed my obsession.

“Really Dunder’s it is not the night of triangulation, control yourself.”

“I, I”

“I know my sweet, I know.”

Our two Priest friends lay prostrate on the grass proclaiming

“Άγιος, άγιος ο Τζιχιό, ο σωτήρας του κόσμου.”

(Ágios, ágios o Tzichió, o sotíras tou kósmou)

“Holy, Holy is Jihyo, saviour of the world.”

Jihyo lit up the whole of what I realised was Greenwich Park with her magnificent smile.

“Thank you my friends, now go in peace. Juicy Pear and I have a person to meet in this park and a diplomatic incident to sort out beyond the clouds. Keep this miracle just between us.”

The two Priests kissed Jihyo’s hand, my fists curled up with jealousy.

“Be still my Juicy Pear,”

said my desire. I relented as the priests walked away singing,

άγιος, άγιος, άγιοςgios

ágios, ágios, ágios,

“Holy, Holy Holy.”

Jihyo took my hand.

“The golden thread of love you grasped it juicy pear. It is what pulled us through. Your love for me and Bora. I must admit Dunder’s that kiss had me ready to take you to the nearest hotel, but Bora would not be pleased. We have to wait for triangulation night. Now lets go and find our contact.”

We made circuit after circuit of Greenwich Park my hand never leaving the soft touch of my desire’s. It was on our tenth circuit a slightly balding Asian gentlemen dressed in a brown corduroy suit, white shirt, tartan tie and round pincer glasses sitting on a bench struck up a Juke Boy Bonner number.

Man I got my passport

Everything is fine

Man I got my passport

Everything is fine

Juke Boy Bonner – I Got My Passport

We had found out immaculately dressed contact. After his rendition of “I Got My Passport” he rose to leave and whispered as he walked past Jihyo and myself.

“친구 여러분, 조심하십시오. 사탄은 여전히 ​​여러분의 그림자 속에 숨어 있다가 언제든 공격할 준비를 하고 있습니다.”

chingu yeoleobun, josimhasibsio. satan-eun yeojeonhi ​​yeoleobun-ui geulimja sog-e sum-eo issdaga eonjedeun gong-gyeoghal junbileul hago issseubnida.

“Beware my friends Satan is still lurking in your shadows ready to strike.”

“벤치 아래에는 온갖 생물이 살고 있다.”

(benchi alaeeneun ongaj saengmul-i salgo issda.)

“All kinds of creatures live under the bench.”

We waited for the gentlemen to disappear from view.

“Did you understand him Dunder’s”

“I did you have taught me well.”

“I’m glad.”

I knelt down. Taped underneath the bench was a package. I pulled it free and stood up. We had our passports. The Downing Street Pigeon Head had been outwitted thanks to our friend Mr Kim. We were so happy as we opened the package to look at the passports, three each. Jihyo was especially pleased. her and Bora each had passports with JYB conotations. Jihyo Jeon Yeo Been and Bora Jeon Yeo Been. I was very jealous. Next two passports with Jeon Jihyo Yeo Been and Jeon Bora Yeo Been. My jealousy grew. The final ones were Jihyo Bora Yeo Been and Bora Jihyo Yeo Been. My jealousy was at explosion level. Mine were in the name of Mr Emptyhead, Mr Smallmind and Mr Peabrain.

“What lovely passports and the names, M Kim is such a darling don’t you think Dunder’s. Myself and Bora can easily play “Miss Ingocnito” like Beenie in her last series.”

Seeing my angel so happy with her and Bora’s counterfeit names I could be nothing but happy, I let my jeolousy subside. When my obsession is happy I turn to jelly.

All of a sudden the park vanished. We stood in a bright golden light, in front of us stood the Archangel Gabriel in full armour.

Jihyo gave a heavy sigh.

“Come on Juicy Pear it seems we have to sort out a diplomatic incident.”

Oooh, angel
Oooh, my
Wished I were in heaven sitting

Mississippi Fred McDowell : Wished I Was In Heaven Sitting Down