Where were you on the list when they called you for Vietnam?
Hey man for Vietnam
Are you political Lou?
Political about what?
Give me an issue, I’ll give you a tissue
And wipe my ass with it
Ooh yeah
We’re just here to make out
You bend over
We put the head in, you know
If you don’t like it
Then we’ll talk about it
Face north, Jack
Lou Reed: Sweet Jane
Well, I’m here and unlike Lou I’m giving out an issue. If you don’t like it, some how I don’t think many will, or even want to talk about it. Why? Because many still have an obsession that everything which has gone wrong at Everton Football Club is all down to “Bill Rasputin Kenwright.”
Now that the toffees are safe for Goodison’s final hurrah, actually taking place as a top flight club. Sould the assessment of Mr one dimensional and sand pillar Kev take place now or in a few weeks time when this awful campaign is over? Well I can leave it for the end of the season. Seems to me the right time to write why both should be gone, gone, gone is the end of the season. Until then I will give the Dyche / Thelwell love train crew their moment in the sun.
Casey Jones steaming and a rollin
Casey Jones, you never have to guess
When you here the tottin of the whistle
It will be Casey at the throttle of the Cannonball Express
“Or now adays it’s KP at the throttle of the Bromley toffee mafia express, with a golf club in hand!”
So here I am leaving the bleep test guru, (he does get a look in at the end of the article), and the sand pillar man alone untill thes eason’s end. So what am I writing about? Well I am giving a partial defence of the late Chair on the subject of managers. Partial that is, although most nowadays think I’m a Kenwright apologist. But hey, that don’t bother me. So, let’s get started shall we.
I had just finished reading the Unofficial Everton Timeline (Bright Futures Publishing 2004), when after finishing the last page an article of a few weeks ago sprang to mind. An article by the chief head wobbler, Dyche/Thelwell loyalist, well more like high Priest of Dychism, Chris Beesley in the Liverpool Echo Dyche / Thelwell speak daily.
“Mikel Arteta revelation proves what many already knew about damaging chaos at top of Everton” https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/mikel-arteta-revelation-proves-what-28878183
The piece covers the hunt for a new manager after the sacking of Marco Silva and goes on to have a quick look at the horrendous manager choices, (Silva apart), under the monstrous reign of the Monaco based clown Farhad Moshiri.
The article as I was not surprised to find, gives the obligatory bow down and worship to “Not very magnifico” (at Everton Carlo Ancelotti). The Unofficial Everton Timeline also swoons quite a bit over Ancelotti. Mystifyingly most blues do as well!
For Christ’s sake, just because it was Carlo Ancelotti. The over the top hero worship of Ancelotti while he was at the blues was / still is ridiculous. He did nothing, I repeat nothing special and ended up leaving the team a rabble heading for the future relegation battles to come. Great manager as!!!
Sorry, getting ahead of myself. Where was I, yes, I remember.”
After finishing the Unofficial Everton Timeline and reading the Dyche/Thelwell Speak Echo piece it got me thinking. Especially as Twitter/X exploded for a couple of days with another of it’s often large outbursts from blues, blaming all the club’s ills on one man, the ex-Chair blue blood Rasputin Bill. And the long, long Kenwright night will never end for them!
La nuit, oh la nuit n’en finit plus
Oh oh oh oh, oh ! la nuit ne finit
Petula Clark: La Nuit N’en Finit
(Songwriters, Jacques Plante, Sonny Bono, Jack Nitzhche
I find this argument laughable in the extreme. I have always pointed out that although blue blood Bill has one hell of a lot to answer for, (as do all board members during the Moshiri era), the real culprit has always been, until he is no longer owner of Everton Football Club, Farhad the football virus Moshiri.
I have consistently preached this truth, even while the NSNOW campaign, (the Unofficial Timeline quotes the campaign extensively in its pages), was calling for the football assassin Moshiri to “Wake Up and smell the coffee.”
I mostly agreed with the campaign’s objectives, but on this most misguided of aims, I was always in total opposition. Asking the biggest problem at the club, to suddenly have a “Road to Damascus” and cure the club’s ill’s was the most pie in the sky objective ever.
“Anyway focus focus,” as I was saying, what was the thing which piqued my interest? Well, it was mostly the above mentioned Dyche/ Thelwell Echo article along with finishing the Unofficial Timeline.
Did Blue Blood Bill stay as chair to long? Without question. But why was this man with under 2% of shares still clinging to power. Yes, he loved the limelight, he never wanted to give up his train set, that was abundently clear. But he was also a shield for the clown over in Monaco. He was not daft. He may have brought the football cancer to the club, with the full accolade of most supporters, so don’t anyone try that trick! “He brought him to the club” wail and wail again. Bill Kenwright probably soon realised that Moshiri was one big danger. So, although clinging to his own power base, he did act to try and block the most excessive madness of Moshiri .
“Where did he do this, you may ask.?”
Well the answer is, managerial appointments.
While the Monaco based buffoon played football manager with an actual football club, running it into the ground, having Blue Blood Bill there for the obsessives to vent their anger against, was a good shield for him. He could carry on playing football manager and push the club further and further into the financial quagmire. And he did this with relish until the deadly Russian and Ukrainian pair decided to drown a lot of people in blood and end his crasy game. (Can someone please, please get on with assassinating both these murderous idiots. And as I keep saying that murderous guy over in Israel. as well).
I am not going to run through the billionaire clown’s football crimes. If I did, I would still be writing this time next year, and this piece is already getting long enough! No, a quick look at the Moshiri manager roll call from hell is all that is needed. A roll call which offers a partial defence of Blue Blood Bill. He did try and put up some sort of barricade to stop the most outrageous Moshiri crazed manager experiments. Sadly, with no success.
I am looking at just at the full time managerial appointments here, not the awful Unsworth and Ferguson interregnums. Jesus some blues wanted the Forest Green, Inverness Caledonian Thistle tub thumper as full time boss!! Unbelievable!! God knows what football if any they watch! Anyway, let’s board the managerial roundabout shall we. Or is managerial bingo card? whatever!!
Roberto Martinez (Time For Those Brown Shoes To Start Walking)
Ain’t it like they always say
Everybody goes their own way
Nobody knows no one can tell
It’s always been the same for me
Guess it’s just the way it must be
Headin’ down that dusty trail
Robert Earl Keen: Down That Dusty Trail
Roberto Martinez certainly had to put on his brown shoes and head on “down that dusty trail” as soon as Moshiri bought into the club. In all honesty it really did seem his time was up. He had lost his way. With the eight years which followed, I wish he had stayed.
Probably blue blood Bill, with some regret it has to be said, agreed with the move to sack Martinez. But the speed which the Monaco based buffoon moved quickly to eject Roberto following the 3-0 defeat at Sunderland may have pricked Kenwright’s ears. Although a rich benefactor may now be ensconced at the club, he had “football manger playing tendencies”. He could not even wait until the end of the season to play his first death card. His Koeman or nothing chase following Martinez sacking, and “North West Hollywood of Managers” nonsense, was just the begining.
Even if the blues had been doing much better than they actually were under Roberto Martinez he would still have got the bullet. The dilettante billionaire had his dream playing football manager with an actual football club, and he would play it, come what may.
“Oh yes I can pick my own manager!!”
Ronald Koeman (The Arrogant One)
And I don’t want to get adjusted (I don’t want to get adjusted)
To this world (to this world), to this world (to this world)
I’ve got a home so much better
And I’m gonna go there sooner ot later
I don’t wanna get adjusted to this world (to this world)
Iris De Ment: I Don’t Want To Get Adjusted to this World
(Songwriters: Gaither Vocal Band)
Well, Koeman did not want to get adjusted to life at Everton that’s for sure! This deluded man was one step up or down on the arrogant scale from Sean one dimensional Dyche, I still can’t decide. Ronald Koeman thought he could just come into Finch Farm and wait for Barcelona to come calling:
I’ve got a home so much better
And I’m gonna go there sooner or later
He finally got his dream after his toffees sojurn had well and truly ended, and was as disastrous at Camp Nou as he was at Goodison Park. Out of Finch Farm as soon as he could be every day. “5pm is 5pm after all!” This was the “Hollywood Manager” foisted on the toffees by Moshiri.
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/sport/football/article/everton-added-to-hollywood-with-koeman-3dqqt8vfv
To be fair blue blood Bill probably did not object to much, but the chase for Koeman was Moshiri’s, no one else. His football manager playing brain, (sorry he does not have a brain!), was in full swing. He was in the early spring of his football manager bingo madness. Come hell or high water Koeman was his man, and he would have him. What did the toffees end up with? Not a bad first season. A mess of a team, or if you prefer number tens in his second season. Plus, the most embarrassing European campaign any club could imagine. Koeman had lost the dressing room when he was sacked. “Hollywood had burnt down. Or at least the Koeman studios had!“
It was what came next which really shows up the conspiracy madness of everyone who blames Bill Kenwright for everything wrong at Everton Football Club. Bill Kenwright will have had nothing to do with the gravy boat that came sailing down the Royal Blue Mersey.
Sam Allardyce (Give me that contract!)
Don’t let your deal go down mama said don’t let your deal go down
Don’t let your deal go down mama told till your last dollar is gone
Dave Alvin: Don’t Let Your Deal Go Down
Sam Allardyce a man in disgrace following a Daily Telegraph sting operation while he was England manager, “Up the Albicelesti” was next up on the Moshiri manager roll call of shame. Marco Silva was the wanted target, but Watford dug their heels in. Blue blood Bill would have been happy with the Silva call, but not Allardyce. No matter what supporters think of Kenwright, he knew that Allardyce was no fit for the toffees. He knew he would go down like the proverbial lead ballon, or to be more accurate lead football with the supporters. The famous club supporter survey when the gravy boat was well and truly docked in the Mersey made that all too clear.
No one picked this out of touch and disgraced dinosaur for the Goodison hot seat except one man, and his boat was docked in Monaco marina not the Mersey. After the sacking of the arrogant one, with no plan what to do next, the bungling billionaire panicked and swapped his yacht for a gravy boat!
Allardyce might have been caught in a Daily Telegraph web, but he got his own sting on Moshiri. He wanted a three year contract, probably knowing he had a good chance of being dumped in the summer come what may. So guess what? Allardyce seeing even he was being a bit to gravy boat greedy, agrees instead an eighteen months contract! Basically, guaranteeing himself a whole year pay off when the season ended. Horrible man he may be, but he is not stupid. He knew Marcos Silva was still the club’s target. The billionaire clown shit scared of relegation, which with any competent manager, would never have happened, falls for the gravy boat gambit.
“Here’s your eighteen months Sam!”
Moshiri would listen to no one about the way Allardyce would be perceived by the supporters. They have never meant anything to him. No way Bill Kenwright wanted such a horrible manager. So, it was left to the Monaco based clown to welcome the gravy boat one. And obviously he did this through his Talk Poison mate Jim White.
“We need a strong leader, he gives us that,” Everton’s majority shareholder Farhad Moshiri told talkSPORT’s Jim White on Wednesday.
“I really want to give him the support he needs. He can go as far as he wants.”
Anyone who wants to put the Allardyce appointment on Bill Kenwright as much as Moshiri is barking up the wrong tree. We all know what comes next, the gravy boat sailing off with a pay off just six months later, laughing all the way to the bank. How the football club assassin became a billionaire really is the eighth wonder of the world! Blue blood Bill showed his feelings on the appointment by leaving it to the man who brought him to the club to tell Allardyce that the gravy tap had been turned off. (Everton The Unofficial Timeline page 191).
Marco Silva (Good Manger, Wrong Time)
She said babe, it ain’t that I don’t love you
It’s just that road is long and there’s a lot you got to see
The day I heard it said, Mary Jones was wed
They say he looked her age and she looked fine
My one love is gone, now why wasn’t she born
Just a little bit later on down the line
Just a little bit later on down the line
Bobby Bare: A Little Bit Later Down The Line (Songwriter: Chip Taylor)
Sadly, that is the story of Marco Silva. He really should have become the toffees manager “just a little bit later on down the line.” Moshiri, the board and Bill Kenwright were all in unison, backing Silva when he signed a three year contract. New Director of Football Marcel Brands was also fully behind Silva and backed him to the bitter end. He knew Silva was a talented manager telling the Dutch media outlet NRC
“In my second year, Marco Silva was fired and I tried to prevent that, but it was beyond my control,” Brands told NRC. “I knew he was a good coach and he is now proving that at Fulham.
I have to say I fully agree with Brands. Had Silva lost the dressing room after the horror showing at Satan’s playground. Maybe. I would have given him a bit longer to see if he could turn things around, there was time enough of the season to go. But he was chopped. The chaos at the club fully in the spotlight of the whole world. Brands who was never given the power of a proper Director of Football was ignored for his believe in Marco Silva.
If blue blood Bill would have been against the sacking of Marco Silva, would it have made any difference? No, it would not. Just like the hirings of Koeman and Allardyce, one man was steering this ship to oblivion with his manager choices. That man was on his yacht in Monaco. Pity he could not steer his own yacht into oblivion instead of Everton Football Club. For those who still claim Bill Kenwright was the great Svengali using Moshiri as his puppet even while owning under 2% of shares. The next two appointments really do show the absurdity of this claim. A claim which crazily is still made to this day.
Carlo Ancelotti (What am I doing here? £11 million a year I suppose!)
Nobody knows what I’m doing here
And I ain’t got a clue
Messin’ around with these other fools
When I’m not with you
Lake Street Dive: What Am I Doing Here
And nobody really knew what Carlo Ancelotti was doing at Goodison Park. Brilliant manager as he is in the right environment, where he has world class players that’s fine. At Goodison Park he was the most ill fitting manager. Out of his world class players comfort zone, he came up very, very short. The Ancelotti experiment was never going to work, something I said from day one. I was practically the only person in the Everton universe who could see it. You will find my article on the signing of Ancelotti somewhere on toffee web when I had some pieces published there. I probably am still the only Evertonian who has never bought and read, Ancelotti’s “Quiet Leadership” book. The football bible it appeared once Ancelotti rocked up at Finch Farm. I took a lot of flak over my rightful position on “not very magnifico with us.”
Once Marco Silva was sacked, it was at that moment that the club had a real sliding doors or swinging doors moment:
And I’ve got swinging doors, a jukebox and a bar stool
And my new home has a flashing neon sign
Stop by and see me any time you want to
‘Cause I’m always here at home till closing time
Merle Haggard: Swinging Doors
Sadly, the wrong door was taken and Everton ended up with Merle, a juke box and a bar stool, when the final chance of a good manager appointment was wasted. Mikel Arteta was available, Marcel Brands wanted him. An ex blue, obviously Bill Kenwright would be on board with his appointment. But just when it looked like Arteta, maybe was top of the toffees shopping list, Carlo Ancelotti got sacked at Napoli. The Hollywood manager syndrome kicked in once more with greater intensity in the pea sized brain of the Monca yacht sailing clown.
I need you all the time
I’m bout to lose my mind
So, goodness gracious baby, don’t you know I got to have you
Ruth Brown: I Gotta Have You
(Songwriter James E. Selph)
Result, Everton Football Club end up having eighteen months of nothing in particular, under “not very Fantastico with us”. Unless you want to count the last five months of his reign, which were an absolute shambles and set the toffees on the road for the coming relegation battles.
bagfulloftoffees737918539.wordpress.com/2024/01/24/davide-and-me-a-polemic/
Director of Football Marcel Brands wanted Arteta.
“In my second year, Marco Silva was fired and I tried to prevent that, but it was beyond my control,” Brands told NRC. “I knew he was a good coach and he is now proving that at Fulham.
“The owner also determined there should be an experienced successor, and while the chairman and I wanted Mikel Arteta, in the end, it was Carlo Ancelotti.”
Brands and blue blood Bill both on the same track. But up against the football club assassin they had no chance.
“Stars in his eyes and all that. Next hollywood blockbuster being made at Goodison Park! for God’s sake!”
Marcel Brands said all the right things when Carlo Ancelotti walked through the Finch Farm doors, but his praise was not exactly overflowing. He knew Ancelotti was not the right fit as did Kenwright.
“My first impression of Carlo is that he is a very nice man, a gentleman and very experienced. He knows the world and the football world.
He is quiet, a little bit like me, and I think we can work together very well.”
https://www.evertonfc.com/news/1544284/brands-outlines-reasons-for-ancelotti-appointment
Not exactly overflowing with praise there Marcel!
So how come the great Svengali which the Kenwright obsessives claim Blue Blood Bill was, failed in getting Arteta? Maybe because the true Svengali, the crazy owner, when he wanted to interfere, he did it with impunity. Brands and Kenwright wanted to carry on in the Marco Silva direction with Mikel Arteta, but it was the “Holywood star syndrome supreme” in the eyes of Moshiri, and his manger bingo madness which won out. As Moshiri was majority shareholder Brands and Kenwright never stood a chance. But the obsessives will never face up to this truth. They probably think Carlo was a success at Goodison as well. “I weep sometimes!!”
So, the toffees end up with eighteen months of nothing in particular and finally a relegation built team, when the rat defected to sunny climes, where to be fair is talents are suited. Leaving Moshiri with:
Whatcha gonna do when your baby leaves you
Whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do when your baby leaves you
Whatcha gonna do
When she says her last goodbye
I bet you wanna sit right down and cry
Whatcha gonna do
When your baby leaves you
Whatcha gonna do
Chuck Willis: What You Gonna Do (When Your Baby Leaves You)
Well, we all know what came next, and the answer to Chuck’s question was not very nice. Moshiri bowed down to a statue of Satan. Plotting destruction. Meeting the agent of evil at the dark end of the street.
At the dark end of the street
That’s where we always meet
Hiding in shadows where we don’t belong
Living in darkness to hide our wrong
You and me
At the dark end
Of the street
You and me
Linda Ronstadt: At The Dark End Of The Street
Songwriters: Chips Moman / Dan Penn)
Rafa (Satan) Benitez
So sing me a sad song sweet demons
Demons strike your string and play me a tune
Show me your dance and I’ll join in with all of you
Sweet demons sing a song for me
Something I can die to
Rebel Son: All My Demons
No matter that most supporters where against this appointment. No matter that the board was against this appointment. No matter that blue blood Bill with all his fibre was against this appointment. The real cancer at the club ignored all. He went and appointed a red demon if not the devil himself.
There is no need to go any further on this episode. Everyone was against this evil appointment except the billionaire football club assassin. He would burn in hell with the demon if it had to be. “Yeah of course it was Kenwright steering the ship! People still believe this!!”
I ask the blue blood Bill obsessives. If Kenwright was the evil genius behind the throne, the Rasputin if you will. If so, then how come this monstrosity, who Bill Kenwright hated with all his breath was foisted on the club? Because he was no evil genius. He was not the puppet master many for some unfathomable reason, seem to think he was. Past his sell by date as chair of the club, unquestionably. In opposition to the supporters by the time of his passing, again unquestionably. Evil genius, Rasputin, Svengali, well that’s a no.
Farhad Moshiri the majority owner of the toffees was the one who had control. He exercised his control whenever he thought it necessary. Blue Blood Bill was his patsy ready to take the heat for him, while he could remain as chair. Yep, that train set just had to much of a grip on him! Misguided as he was, he realised that walking away, which he did not want to do, it has to be said, would also leave the maniac owner in sole charge and total destruction. He remained far too long as chair true. But once the billionaire clown started his scheme of destruction, with his crazy manager choices and meddling in transfers, then Kenwright had a mission to try and at least stop the worst of his meddling. “Great Rasputin with a hold over Moshiri,” do me a favour
Let’s not go any further into this satanic stain in the history of the club. Rafa Benitez finally got the bullet, thank God. Good always comes out on top over evil.
If any more evidence was needed who was the real evil at the toffees, the satanic appointment really should have opened everyones eyes. But when you are blinded as most anti Kenwright blues are, well there obsession is well, incurable. Maybe as the high priest of Dychism likes to say, “They should give their heads a wobble.”
Frank Lampard (The clueless sweet talker)
You’ve been saying the words I wanna hear
I feel like I’m dreaming
Even though I hear ‘em loud and clear
I know you don’t mean ‘em
Peter Perrett: “Baby Don’t Talk”
Ridiculous as it sounds the club next appointed one of the most clueless people ever in Frank Lampard. Maybe blue blood Bill would have liked that Forest Green Rovers and Inverness Caledonian Thistle, “Genius” tub thumper in charge, who knows. Anyway, it certainly would have been just as catastrophic. So, it was a unified show behind the sweet talker. By this time the club was in full meltdown mode so any manager appointments are just inexplainable. As is the overwhelming support from supporters for clueless Franks appointment. All this clueless wonder could do was sweet talk empty words. I said it from day one, it was an appointment heading in one direction and that was not up.
Again, most blues fell for this bag of wind. Actually, thinking he was some sort of young progressive manager. Well, their eyes were finally opened to this non entity. Clueless Frank finally getting waved off in January 2023. Enougth said!
Sean Dyche (Mr one dimesnional,”Trust Me”)
“Well following his pre Nottingham Forest press conference on 19 April, Mr one dimensional has discovered who he really is!”
“Although I would say he is one of those false prophets”
For the steel guitars no longer cry
And fiddles barely play
But drums and rock ‘n’ roll guitars
Are mixed up in your face
Ol’ Hank wouldn’t have a chance
On today’s radio
Since they committed murder
Down on music row
Larry Cordel and Lonsome Standard Time: Murder On Music Row
(Songwriters: Larry Cordel and Larry Shell)
This is what the whole Moshiri manager bingo death throes have saddled the toffees with. Sean Dyche.!! A more one dimensional, backward looking manager you could ever wish for. A man who likes to slap young players on the head in restaurants and who will sooner or later take the blues to the Championship hell were all frauds end up. I said when he was appointed he may take the blues down or give the club two seasons of lower midtable before it goes pear shaped.
And guess what? I’m on schedule for one of thoes predictions to come true. I actually know what I’m talking about. Pity hardly anyone listens.
Sean Dyche the so called safe pair of hands was brought in to save the sinking ship, which he did just , and has only acheived the same this season thanks to Burnley, Sheffield United and Luton Town. (Don’t worry. Remember I am doing my review at the end of the season). So I’m keeping this one dimensional bit short and sweet, “well short and bitter suits better.” Next season will again be another season of struggle if he is not removed. He may well take the good ship Goodison on a one way trip to join this fella and his friends.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea
Sponge Bob SquarePants
Sponge Bob Square Pants Theme Music
The sad thing is, just like supporters thought Ancelotti was a good fit, and thought clueless Frank was a good fit, the same scenario is being played out with this one dimensional excuse of a manager. “Just what is needed at this time” say his supporters. What crap.
Here endeth the Moshiri / Kenwright manager bingo sermon.
End of the day if blue blood Bill had walked away when Moshiri was in his heyday, things may have been much worse. He did put up a fight against Moshiri and some of his more outrageous, bonkers managerial appoints. Gravy boat and Satan. He knew that Carlo Ancelotti was not the right fit forr the club and Mikel Arteta offered a progressive vison, as did Marcel Brands.
Did he succeed in stopping Moshiri in his appointments, no he did not. Should he have walked away, especially once Satan had appeared? But imagine what would have happened then. Just maybe in the appointment of managers Bill Kenwright was not the evil puppet master some think. Or as I will continually say, not any sort of puppet master at all.
As for Dyche, if he is not gone in the summer along with the Director of Football sand pillar Kev. Then the blues will be heading for a rather ugly big bang.
Eureka, Eureka, Eureka
Big bang
Sadistic Mikaela Band: Big Bang Bang
More on this when the season is wrapped up in a couple of weeks. It’s coming don’t worry!
But after this partial defence of Bill Kenwright and the depressing big bang one dimesional sand pillar end. I will leave you all on a good note. The original Sadistic’s. Mika Fukui! No better looking singer ever walked the planet. What more do I have to say! Once you see her you are hooked for life!
TOFFEE FOR TEA 
As usual agree with 99% of a fine piece. Couple of bits not covered, on at least 2 occasions we have approached David Moyes. Even on one of them Bill Kenwright shaking hands with Moyesy and saying welcome back only for the idiot known as Moshiri to intervene and give the job to Ancelotti. I know for fact that Moyes was very bitter about that and was desperate to come back.
He would still do so!
At the time I was like you, hoping that we would give the role to Arteta, as I believed we were perfect for a project and Arsenal, would have benefited more from an Ancelotti style.
I do not believe Ancelotti’s time was a complete waste at EFC however. Many issues plagued him not least the lack of money, the playing behind closed doors etc. He made some of those players better but there was never any chance of it progressing.
The lesson is though that it did not matter who we appointed, under Moshiri this club will go to hell in the proverbial handcart 😦
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Yeah i did miss out the Moyes bit.
Sadly going to hell in a handcart is spot on.
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