I’m a dreamer, and you know
I’m a schemer with an eye for a show.
It’s my imagination when I get low,
And the truth is I don’t think I’ll ever go.ay.
Sandy Denny: I’m A Dreamer
Anyone who knows me, or has read anything by me, will know my thoughts, or as many might say crazy ramblings! about Everton Football Club Director of Football (DoF) Kevin Thelwell. He is a man with fine soundbites and little to nothing else. A man who in my view has underperformed since he walked into Finch Farm two years ago.
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On the second anniversary of Soundbite Kev joining the toffees, the Liverpool Echo’s Everton Football Club Correspondent Joe Thomas, wrote a long piece covering the DoF’s first two years in post. The article was titled “Inside Kevin Thelwell’s Everton Project as Glimmers of Hope Emerge Amid the chaos” A look at the “role and ambitions” no less of the soundbite one.
Good read the article is to. I would urge everyone to take the time to read it. That’s from me who disagrees with most, maybe even all of its content. You see unlike Joe, I’m not “A Dreamer “ about Kevin Thelwell. If I was, I can guarantee it would be more nightmare than sweet dreams. I don’t think Sandy Denny would have been either, but Joe certainly is a Thelwell and Dyche dreamer. A Saint Kev and Father Dyche loyalist to the core.
Following the publication of the article, the Echo asked for thoughts on the piece, and that is not an opportunity to be passed up. It was a challenge which I could not turn down. Just like Johnny’s Mexican friend who stands up to the trouble maker. “Don’t worry Joe I’m not the slicing kind! And I’m sure you’re too nice to be a trouble maker!”
But you know every beer joint that you’ve ever been in
Some big, mean drunk who just ain’t got no friend
Sure enough, he wants to fight
Yeah, he’s gonna whip everything in sight
Johnny Paycheck: Colorado Kool Aid (Songwriter Phils S. Thomas)
The” love poem” oops! I mean Echo article starts off by setting the path to be trod in support of Soundbite Kev.
“The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.” (Lao Tzu, 6th century BC):
“But, as ever, context is crucial. As director of football, Thelwell has been tasked with steering a club through chaos since his appointment in late February 2022. Nothing has come easy for a figure who was set the challenge of rebuilding a proud institution against a background of turmoil.”
Joe with a bit of his inner Sandy Shaw with that, “Nothing has come easy line.”
There are some things that people need
Someone so badly they won’t plead
All I wanted was someone
I have him now it is done
Nothing Comes easy
Nothing comes easy
Sandie Shaw: Nothing Comes Easy
No Joe, the context is Magic Kev was appointed to do the above, “easy or not”. He took the job, and after two years in post, has he been anywhere near successful? Or even slightly successful? I would argue he has not. Unless helping to appoint a limited one dimensional manager, relegation battles, and splurging money in his first summer on mainly bang average players, you count as a success! Money splurged in the summer of 2022 which will probably end up getting Everton docked points at the second independent commission for breaching Profit and Sustainability rules (PSR) yet again. But I guess we have different outlooks on what constitutes doing a good job,
I like whiskey; you like wine
You’re the kind of woman that’s so refined
I like horses; you like gin
Told you never come around here again
The Show Ponies: Whiskey And Wine
The article continues setting the scene with the Soundbite Kev and clueless Frank era being seen by the club, as the article puts it “the New Dawn.” And my god I was, and still am amazed how most supporters fell for this con trick. But then again, most fell for the sweet talking clueless one from day one. Even when the evidence was there for all to see that clueless Frank was totally inept.
Next up:
“Even after that first relegation fight strands of positivity were entwined within the narrative around the club. Lampard had brought the supporters with him and reaped the benefit as they pulled his team through major victories against Chelsea, Leicester City and of course Crystal Palace.”
The real truth I’m afraid is slightly different. Clueless Frank con tricked his way through, with soundbite Kev by his side for the last three months of that season. But you do get one thing right Joe. It was the supporters who dragged the team to Premier League survival. The blues got to safety not because of Frank Lampard, but despite Frank Lampard. It was a horrendous time, and the toffees scraped over the relegation life line, just! Joe, you sound like the ex Chair in his report to the club’s accounts later that year, “That night against Palace need I say more.”
It was obvious Frank Lampard was just not up to being manager of Everton Football Club or being a football manager at all to be frank, (no pun intended!). Even having been in the job for just three months, if Kevin Thelwell was any sort of competent DoF he would have seen how out of his depth clueless Frank was.
Joe and Kevin Thelwell were obviously watching something else that season under Lampard, as it certainly was not the blues I was watching week in and week out. How come neither Thelwell or the Echo called for the sacking of the clueless one as soon as the final whistle ended the season with a humiliating thrashing at the Emirates. I mean they had lived through the shit show just like me. “Is there an alternative universe that you frequent.” Jesus, remember the totally awful and disorganised pre season which followed. How much more evidence did the DoF need!
“If it felt as though that chaos had created opportunity, the atmosphere at Everton 12 months later could not have been more different after a gruelling campaign ended in another exhausting survival fight taken into the final week of the season. Fast forward eight months and the ‘noise’ around the Blues has only become louder. Two allegations of breaching league spending rules have followed, along with a 10-point deduction reduced to six upon appeal, the threat of a further reduction looming and a stalled takeover providing further uncertainty.”
Got to get in that favourite word of the other “god of the love train crowd, noise” Can’t leave Mr one dimensional out can we.
One thing you are forgetting here though Joe. Part of the reason, maybe the biggest one, the club is up at the football Old Bailey for a second time for breaching PSR, is because of the reckless spending in the summer of 2022 by soundbite Kev and clueless Frank, which I referenced earlier. You know signing Onana, Garner, McNeil, Gana Gueye, Maupay, Tarkowski (he was free but wages), and loan fees for car crash Cody and Ruben (who?) Vinagre. Bit quiet on that score when you mention PSR breaches. Maybe it does not fit the Saint Kev narrative! The DoF who claims to be careful and financially prudent, went on a spending splurge in the summer of 2022, knowing the position the club was in financially.
How Thelwell gets away with this alternate history really is spin doctoring of the highest order, I will give him credit on that score. And the Echo and all the podcasters fall in line spreading this alternate history. The “Elvis faked his death theory.”
I was thinking last night about Elvis
The day that he died
The day that he died
I was thinking last night about Elvis
The day that he died
The day that he died
Gillian Welch: Elvis Presley Blues: (Songwriters Gillian Welch / Dave Rawlings)
Next up from the Kev Thelwell love in special edition:
“Perhaps the most appropriate starting point when attempting to assess Thelwell’s work to date is that he got his biggest call right. Just over a year ago the Lampard era ended with a club in a relegation spiral amid turmoil on and off the pitch. Managerless and with the senior squad hopelessly bereft of form and confidence halfway through a January transfer window, the club was in the same position it had been when Benitez departed in early 2022. Wildy differring opinions on who should replace Lampard characterised a recruitment process that almost ended with Marcelo Bielsa. It instead led to Sean Dyche and few could now question the logic of that move.“
Have to admit I needed a stiff drink after reading this love ode paragraph. The Dyche / Thelwell Speak Echo at its best showering praise and well more praise on Thelwell and the coming saviour Mr one dimensional
Baby, I don’t know why I love you
I don’t know why I feel this way
Baby, I don’t know why I love you
I don’t know why I feel this way
That’s why I’m thinking ’bout you baby
24 hours every day
Ruth Brown: It’s Love Baby (24 Hours A Day)
Songwriters Jesse Scott / Nick Nittoli
Before we go any further Joe, I know this is about the DoF, but that, “It instead led to Sean Dyche and few could now question the logic of that move.“
Guess I’m one of the few!
bagfulloftoffees737918539.wordpress.com/2024/02/07/baked-beans-tin-man/
Thelwell got the biggest call right, WHAT!! This is a DoF who watched a team scrape over the line to safety in his early months with the toffees. This is a DoF who watched a calamitous disorganised pre-season, morph into a suicidal league campaign. A DoF even when the November World Cup break came around was still fully behind clueless Frank the, “Good collaborator.” “First in last out of Finch Farm,” (is there ever anyone who isn’t!). “We see what he is doing on the training pitch.” Jesus this nonsense is all there in Saint Kev’s own words in the excellent Everton Nothing will be the Same podcast series.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p0gkccq7
In reality the final nail in clueless Frank’s coffin came not from the DoF but more likely the football club assassin owner and the incompetent board, following the defeat at West Ham United in January 202,3 as they saw the abyss of the Championshing coming ever closer. Thelwell would probably have carried on with his collaboration with the clueless one, who he sung the praises of.
Even if Saint Kev did recommend Lampard’s sacking following the West Ham United defeat, he still does not get away scot- free. He was culpable in taking the toffees close to relegation. It was as clear as day the clueless wonder should have been sacked much earlier. Thelwell did not even recommend sacking him, as I said above, during the six week World Cup break. Neither did the Echo it has to be said. Loyal to the sweet talker to the end. Horrendous incompentent stuff from Thelwell.
“Wildly differing opinions on who should replace Lampard characterised a recruitment process that almost ended with Marcelo Bielsa. It instead led to Sean Dyche and few could now question the logic of that move.”
What are you saying?, The great Saint Kev never had a number of names to approach after the clueless one finally, and thankfully got the chop. He did not have managers in mind to fit his vision and play the same style of football through all areas of the club, which he never stops saying he wants. You know that pillar Saint Kev likes to talk up as if it is some magic rune from the “alchemist Kev almanac”.
“The way we play.”
Well, it seems not as later on you write:
“Since arriving from New York Red Bulls he has been more crisis manager than Director of Football, having to adapt to changing styles of management.”
No mate, the changing style of management was Saint Kev’s choice, making a 360 degree change from clueless Frank to Mr one dimensional. So much for the “Way we play” pillar of sand! Or he just went along with the owner and board for what was seen as a safe pair of hands to get the club out of the mess that the DoF had been fully culpable in making along with the clueless wonder. No vision just get us out of this mess. Either way it is just appalling work from Mr four pillars Thelwell. No real vision, just lots of soundbites.
Or is the one dimensional football of Sean Dyche now the vision of Thelwell?
“One key area Thelwell has ambitions for is the academy. His long-term aim is to have a common style of play running through the Finch Farm set up and for youth players to have a clear pathway to the first team”
By the way this is nothing new. Although most would have it as another magical spell from “alchemist Kev’s almanac.“
Yep, that sand pillar again. “The way we play.” I presume Magic Kev must think Dycheball is the key denominator, the golden key for the common way and style of playing which will run throughout the club. Not the most appetising vision, as Sean Dyche football will never take a team anywhere in the long run. It is slightly depressing if his style of outmoded one dimensional football is the cornerstone of Saint Kev’s “the way we play” football.
To be clear I don’t mind what kind of football the blues play. It can be totally boring as long as it is taking the club in the right direction. The problem is the type of football Dyche represents, he is actually not that good at. He is not good at producing teams to play his backward looking football with any modicum of success.
This whole article reeks of Thelwell worship, not one critical point in the whole piece. Just excuses for the two years of underwhelming Kev and loads and loads of Kev hero worship.
You make my life worth living
I love the love you been giving
You make my whole life
A wonderful life to be living
Chuck Wills: My Life
By the way Joe, identifying targets like Mohammd Kudus, which you mention in the article is not hard. He was known to anyone who has the slightest interest in watching football beyond the Premier League bubble. Some of us actually do. But as I will keep saying, and especially as Kevin Thelwell worked at New York Red Bulls, he should be all over the North and South American market. In fact all markets. But I won’t hold my breath on that score.
You end Joe with
Thelwell’s work remains difficult to assess given the instability that has undermined his efforts and that most of his strategy will take years, not months, to bear fruit. For a figure who has had to operate amid uncertainty for so long, his best opportunity to achieve visible progress could still be this summer. The club’s main ambition this season has been to secure safety early enough to give him a headstart on the summer transfer window, a period in which several onerous contracts could expire and in which he may have his greatest freedom to reshape the Frankenstein first team he inherited two years ago.
There you go again with the excuses for Saint Kev.
“Frankenstein first team he inherited two years ago.” Onana, Garner, Gana Gueye, McNeil, Maupay, Tarkowski, Young, Chermitti, Beto, ring any bells? All signed under Saint Kev. Not to mention Harrison and Danjuma both on loan this season. If this team is a “Frankenstein monster,” Thelwell has played no small part in creating it. In fact he is the main arcihtect of the Frankenstein you talk about. You can spin it another way, but the truth is clear as daylight for anyone who is not brainwashed by the Thelwell / Dyche love crew, and Saint Kev’s soundbites.
But in the minds of the Thelwell worshippers, the podcasters, and the Echo, its some strange alternate world of poor Kev battling against the elements. Holding back that deep sea with one hand tied behind his back, or so you and the blue podcasters and twitter world would have us all believe:
What did the deep sea say,
Tell me what did the deep sea say
It moaned and it groaned
And it splashed and it foamed
And it rolled on its weary way
Dave Alvin: What Did The Deep Sea Say (Songwriter Woody Guthrie)
“Most of his strategy will take years not months to bear fruit”
That is true. But you may not have noticed Joe, it is not months now that Magic Kev has been in post. It is actually two years. Let’s face it that is why you wrote your article! Two years and still, all we get is soundbites about pillars.
Sorry Joe, but Kevin Thelwell must have known the position of the club when he joined as DoF. If not then he must have been living on another planet. Some of his soundbites certainly sound alien. He was brought in as DoF. It is his job to set a vision and implement it. One would think that after two years we would see as you put it some “Glimmers of hope.” Yet all we have had in two years is a crazy spending spree on very little, (Onna aside), in the summer of 2022, maybe a few more docked points due to this spend, the employment of a one dimensional manager, and soundbites about pillars. A great record for two years of work!!
The Echo asked for thoughts on the two year Thelwell anniversary article, so I have layed out mine. I for one think Kevin Thelwell has been very underwhelming in his two years as DoF. He has shown nothing in that time to show while he is a competent DoF for Everton Football Club. Thoughts in contrast to the love chant for Thelwell which litter this article, and which the podcasters and blue twitter world, along with most supporters sing.
Opposition to the free ride which Kevin Thelwell and Sean Dyche get is needed, and I will keep saying it as it is as, Nothing Else Will Do:
But it seems the path to heaven,
Is always round the bend,
And always in the distance,
There’s a road that has no end,
But I will hope to find it,
Before my life is through.
Nothing else will do babe
Nothing else will do.
Sandy Denny and the Strawbs: Nothing Else Will Do (Songwriter David Cousins)
TOFFEE FOR TEA 