She’s got some magic going on
She keeps it right where it belongs
Just take one look at her
She’d make a lion purr
She’s got some magic going on
Jim Lauderdale: She’s Got Some Magic Going On
Magic, and it’s definitely not on the pitch, is the only way that “one dimensional man” Sean Dyche, and “four pillars of sand” Kevin Thelwell get away with their immensely underwhelming steering of the great institution known as Everton Football Club. There is no healing magic from this duo, just bad, bad, magic.
Hardly any criticism is forthcoming towards these two football no marks from most of the royal blue congregation. Hardly any questioning of Everton Football Club’s very own “Laurel and Hardy,” is uttered from the mouths of most supporters, podcasters or the Liverpool Dyche/Thelwell Speak Echo.
Sean Dyche and Kevin Thelwell spout nonsense upon nonsense, “It’s all about the XG jive man!” The Dyche / Thelwell love train acolyte’s lap this stuff up, even as the toffees have gone eleven Premier League games without a win. That’s just five points from thirty three on offer for all you statisticians, “XG and all that. Data, Data Baby! “
When Everton beat Crystal Palace on 22nd October 2022 under clueless Frank, they followed it up with a run of ten games without a win, before thank god the clueless wonder got the axe. A run of one win in eleven games in all competitions. The bleep test master is on one win in fourteen in all competitions. “Just saying.”
No win in eleven Premier League games, five points from thirty three on offer. Or if you prefer one win in the last fourteen games. Take your pick. Yet this hopeless manager gets a scot-free ride. Truly unbelievable.
Sean Dyche is a clueless wonder who speaks absolute out of this world garbage. Evidence, take his post game Manchester United press conference following the toffees two-nil defeat at Old Trafford.
“We had more shots than them.” Pity none troubled Andre Onana Sean.
“I have never been here and had that many chances.” Ha ha chances! Hardly had any proper chances during the whole game
The defence played well.” We just gave away two school boy penalties!! For !!!!! sake!
Go back if you can stomach it and listen to this alternate out of this world match observation from the great bleep test master. It really is staggering.
As the blues don’t play again until 30th March, it’s time for another attempt to try and persuade the Dyche/Thelwell love train crew, to come to their senses. To force them to open their eyes to this fraud of a manager with his hypnotic grip over all of them.
Now your mama said
You could do better than me
Baby, I know that’s true
You believed me instead
Every word I said and I did too
Now every day’s a little bit harder out there
No matter what I do
Well I could carry the world
On my shoulders, girl
Long as I got you
Steve Earle: You Belong To Me
The one dimensional bleep test master is the Dyche/Thelwell Echo Speak, and podcasters new love. All are held under his hypnotic grip, even when playing crap football and on a no win league run which stretches back to 16 December 2023 at the time of writing.
“Over a quarter of a season for all you love train XG experts.”
“That is what the data tells me four pillars Kev”.
But still no criticism falls on the head of Darren Brown. “Oops! Got my hypnotists mixed up!” I mean Sean Dyche. Can’t upset the one dimensional god and is sand pillars buddy!!
New Love, He’s my new love
He understands when I hold his hand and say
I’m blue today
Jackie Ward: He’s My New Love
By the time the blues get back to league action at Bournemouth on the 30th March it will be 105 days since the toffees last won a league match. Absolutely astonishing. Yet the support for this godawful, and in my opinion arrogant manager, (I us the word manager loosely), is absolutely unfathomable. It’s time to break this myth. To make the Dyche/Thelwell acolytes face up to the horrendous reality of one dimensional Sean and four pillars Kev. Will I be successful, probably not. The love train crew can’t admit to themselves that their support of Sean Dyche is misplaced. Just like most would not admit to themselves that clueless Frank was never the right choice when they supported his appointment. https://bagfulloftoffees737918539.wordpress.com/2022/01/31/shotgun-wedding/
So, it is the same with bleep test master Sean. Just like the clueless wonder Lampard, most are wrong yet again with their support for the ginger wonder,
bagfulloftoffees737918539.wordpress.com/2024/02/07/baked-beans-tin-man/
and the apology for a Director of Football.
bagfulloftoffees737918539.wordpress.com/2024/02/16/disproving-the-thelwell-circle-theorem/
bagfulloftoffees737918539.wordpress.com/2024/02/26/beach-party-kev/
bagfulloftoffees737918539.wordpress.com/2024/03/06/echo-of-a-dream/
Let’s go back to the beginning, “Oh god must I.”
I said, “Grandpa, what’s this picture here?
It’s all black and white, and it ain’t real clear
Is that you there?”, he said, “Yeah, I was 11”
“And times were tough back in ’35
That’s me and uncle Joe just tryna survive a cotton farm
In a great depression”
Jamey Johnson: In Colour
(Songwriters James Oto, Jamey Johnson, Lee Miller)
Yep, just like Granpa times were rough when clueless Frank got the chop. Pity the clowns who were running the club, including Director of Football, four pillars Kev, could not see the real Sean Dyche in all his colour. No, it was all a stark balck and white picture to them. They just panicked and employed the no mark manager known as Sean Dyche. Small minded incompetence at its best.
Four Pillars Kev just went along with the black and white picture. A safe pair of hands to get the club out of the relegation mire. It was either that, or the soundbite Director of Football actually thinks dycheball is the secret formula for his greatest pillar of sand, “The way we play.”
Scary whichever way you look at it. But it is what is to be expected from a man who has done nothing in two years at the club, except role out a load of soundbites over the last six months or so, and appear on podcasts and YouTube programmes. Being handsomley paid for such vacuous nonsense at the same time.
Sean one dimensional Dyche who has just one way of playing football, and has never been very successful at playing that way.
“Look what he did at Burnley. He worked miracles.”
So shout the love train crew.
Do me a favour. He got Burnley relegated not once but twice. Although he got the sack before the final few relegation bullets hit the Burnley corpse during the second relegation. “What goes through anyone’s mind to bring a failed one dimensional manager to Goodison Park?” Totally mystifying!
But in came Sean Dyche with the Everton podcasters, twitter world , Dycheball Echo, and sadly most supporters proclaiming him the saviour. Maybe they all met up with him in the pub.
Man or angel, son of God, he did not tell me who he was, but I knew
In that least expected place, I saw heaven in his face and couldn’t move
We sat there for hours, I could feel the grace and power,
And I said things I’ve never told a soul
Jim Lauderdale: I Met Jesus In A Bar
(Songwriters Jim Lauderdale / Leslie Winn Satcher)
(Give it a few seconds before it starts)
“Just what the club needs and all that jazz,”
or to be more precise
“Just what the club does not need and all that crap.”
Least we forget the bleep test master did not produce any miracle when he entered Finch Farm. All he did was equal what clueless Frank achieved, saving the club by the skin of its teeth, and in Dyche’s case a blockbuster shot from Abdoulaye Doucouré.
What followed the Dyche miracle, as the podcasters, love train crew and Dyche/ Thelwell Echo would have you believe, was a summer transfer window were the one dimensional King and the Sand pillar man worked wonders with next to nothing to spend. “Someone lend them twenty!”
Then we slow danced by the jukebox to a motel room next door
I whispered soft and sweet what’s the use in waitin’
Love is wild and free and night is quickly fadin’
She said it may be wild but honey it ain’t free
Would you lay twenty on me ’till I get on my feet
Bobby Bare: Till I Get On My Feet (Songwriter Robert Lee Mc Dill)
Sean and Kev out there scraping a living in the summer transfer market by any means necessary!
Well, I’ve been kicked by the wind, robbed by the sleet
Had my head stoved in, but I’m still on my feet
And I’m still willin’
I smuggled some smokes and folks from Mexico
Baked by the sun every time I go to Mexico
And I’m still…
Little Feat: Willin’ (Songwriter Lowell George)
Yeah, well the evidence is a bit different! More like a summer transfer window of incompetence. Beto, Ashley Young, and on loan Jack Harrison and Danjuma. Not the greatest. Chermiti has some potential. I won’t lump him with that gruesome foursome.
bagfulloftoffees737918539.wordpress.com/2023/09/08/the-house-kev-and-sean-built/
Of course, the love train crew were having none of it:
Beto, “He fits the Dyche system.”
Jesus “the Dyche system.” While saying this most had never seen Beto play, probably never even heard of him. But then it’s hit the YouTube highlights clips when he signed, and suddenly all were Beto experts. Well shock, horror, unlike most I actually watch football from around the world. Yes there is a football universe beyond the over hyped Premier League! I had watched Beto play on quite a few occasions. I said it at the time of his signing he was bang average at best, and nowhere near the thirty million euros the blues have yet to cash up for him. But then again, I can spot a player a million times better than four pillars Kev and his mates.
Ashley Young “Astute signing, been there, done it all, great experience”
ha ha, can you listen to yourselves! I won’t bother to say anything else.
Danjuma “Fantastic loan. He was great at Villarreal. Just what the team needs.”
Yeah, a man who turned down a loan to the toffees in January for a warming the bench gig down the Seven Sisters Road. (A bullet well and truly missed). But the masterminds Thelwell and Dyche went back in for him. They had Villarreal laughing their heads off as they got him of their hands for another year. With a loan fee to boot. I argued long and hard against the YouTube clip wonders on Danjuma. But finally I gave up. “You can lead a horse to water and all that!”
Jack Harrison “Great loan. Another astute signing”
Or to be more accurate. A bang average player probably more suited to the Championship.
Maybe next time the club should give me a ring before they let Laurel and Hardy, sorry Thelwell and Dyche loose in the transfer window.
The awful pre-season where the toffees struggled against some rather lowly opposition was the perfect prelude of what was to come. But never mind. Everyone thought it was great that Mr one dimensional got out the bleep test on day one of pre-season. The Dyche / Thelwell Speak Echo and the club website glorying in such nonsense. Jesus there is being fit then there is being Dyche fit. “Lets see the puke lads, just like the 1970’s!”
A slow start to the season at home was compensated for by better away form. Granted. But as I said at the time, and have kept saying throughout the season, it was obvious sooner or later teams would work out the blues on the road. When that happened one dimensional Sean would be up shit creek without a paddle. Two points from the last six away games. Think I have been proved right on that score. That’s two points from eighteen for you data nerds and Sean XG lovers. But the myth that the toffees are still dong well on the road, incredibly continues!! Wake up, It ended some time ago. 2nd December 2023 to be precise.
Most, if not all did not listen to the obvious truth, especially when the blues hit a small purple patch with four wins on the bounce, ending with the two-nil win at Burnley on 16 December, and I mean ending!! At this time the love train crew where in full swing. Tweets everyday with such idiotic nonsense such as,
“My Gaffer,
“Our Gaffer,”
Pictures of Dyche with a beer,
Pictures of Dyche in the snow in just a shirt.
Or just “This” with some ridiculous stat stuck underneath
It was all rather pathetic, but leave them in their Dyche world of blue tinted glasses. Wallowing in their seven minutes of heaven:
I want… seven minutes in heaven…
Give me up ’til eleven,
Remember who you met,
When you were in your dreams.
The Poni-Tails: Seven Minutes In Heaven
(Songwriters Noel Sherman / Jack Keller)
Jesus some of the tweets I got as I continued to speak the truth about this football neanderthal:
“save your breath,
“ you know nothing“
“give him some credit.”
or simply Blocked
No I did not waste my time answering such nonsense.
Because dear reader I knew this one dimensional backward looking manager would not deliver seven minutes in heaven just:
Seven minutes to midnight and I’m crawling out my shell
Seven minutes to midnight and it’s hell
Seven minutes to analyse, my instinct must be quick
Seven minutes to midnight, I feel sick
You can’t justify it, not a word
I don’t believe a thing I’ve heard
You can’t justify it with your twisted facts
Only the coming of the axe
Seven minutes to midnight (seven minutes to midnight)
Seven minutes to midnight (seven minutes to midnight)
Seven minutes to midnight and I’m hungry and I’m cold
Seven minutes to midnight (seven minutes to midnight)
Seven minutes to midnight (seven minutes to midnight)
Wah Heat: Seven Minutes To Midnight
Funny how the preening peacock known as the bleep test master changed his tune as the no win debacle started to grow. He was full of himself when the four wins on the bounce quickly gobbled up the Moshiri present of a points deduction. That win over a bedraggled injury hit and out on their legs Newcastle United, following their Champions League elimination saw hubris of the highest order.
The Peacock at his finest!
Of course, this gloating arrogant man started to change his tune once reality hit and the squad mainlined to the Sean Dyche mean. The narrative then suddenly changed to:
“The squad are tired and he is dealing with injuries.”
As if other teams did not suffer the same through the ridiculous December fixture schedule.
Then it was:
“Of course, the poinst deduction played it’s part. In the back of the players minds.”
360 degree switch from a few months ago I must say Sean, when according to you it was not having any effect. “Controlling the controllables.” Ring any bells in that one dimensional mind of yours.
This hopeless manager will change the story to fit his narrative and deflect away from his crap management at any juncture. And people just go along with this alternate history, not spotting the actual nonsense Mr one dimensional is speaking, or more likely just ignoring it:
You have not been home since Tuesday
And that’s a week ago
You said you car won’t start because
It’s covered up with snow
But I wasn’t born yesterday, Barton
And I know when you lie
It wasn’t snow that made you late
There’s no snow in July
Nancy Sinatra / Lee Hazelwood: Is Making A Little Love Out Of The Question
(Songwriters: Lee Hazlewood / Thomas Allen Parsons)
So here Everton Football Club are. A team with no wins in eleven Premier League games, at the time of writing, and just one win in fourteen games in all competitions. Is that good enougth love train crew? Is that good enough podcasters? Is that good enough Dyche / Thelwell Speak Echo?
As the blue’s headed off for a few days in Portugal after the defeat at Old Trafford, no cup run for the toffees, what a surprise! Thanks bleep test master. “ The Svengali Prenno, surely it was him, “maybe he does do something,” got to work with building up the Dyche is doing fine myth. Contacting a few friends and all that.
First, we got the club in house interview with the mastermind from over in Portugal. For Christ’s sake, Shots, XG, blah blah blah. Grovel, grovel and grovel some more! I know it is the club website, but how sycophantic does it have to get.
https://www.evertonfc.com/news/3931540/dyche-how-portugal-camp-can-benefit-blues
Next Clueless Frank was wheeled out talking about his time at Everton among other things, and how the bleep test master needed time. This all appeared on some weird YouTube programme called Joe. “Heard of it? You’re not the only one!!” It’s here if you want to watch it. I deffo would not recommend! Or do as me and scroll through to the Everton bit and the alternate world of clueless Frank.
But a little heads up and the The Dyche/Thelwell Speak Echo got in on the act reporting on this weird YouTube show and the bit about Dyche. “The dark arts of Prenno!”
https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/the-problem-now-frank-lampard-28821674
Best of all was an article in the Athletic, not a publication I read, so thanks to people for posting it. This really is a mindblowing piece.
The general view at Everton is that Dyche is doing a good job in challenging circumstances. Data a key part of the process under DOF Thelwell. Insights team, led by Charlie Reeves produce 20-page debriefs after games & 8-match reviews analysing key trends
Wow after one win in fourteen would love to see those trends reports!
This is from the Everton correspondent of the Athletic. What you may ask!! Yep the Everton correspondent!
Maybe someone should tell Mr Boyland that there is no one in charge at the club to decide if one dimensional Sean is doing a good job. Oh God there is Director of Football Thelwell, a man more clueless than Dyche.
Help!!!
As the blues stumble on under this awful manager, the Dyche/Thelwell love train crew still can’t take off their love heart glasses. They have laughably what they think is their trump card which is so pathetic it is untrue:
“Who could we get, Who would you bring in.”
As if there is not a plethora of managers out there. I simply don’t waste my breath on such nonsense. If they really are too thick to know football and the managerial world there is no hope for them.
If it was up to me, “God if only,” Mr one dimensional and four pillars Kev would be out of the door, with no thank you either. In fact they would never have been employed in the first place.
Sadly, there is no one running the club. There is no leadership at Everton. Football Club. Just an owner trying to get out as fast as he can, an out of his depth “the previous board did no wrong,” Chief Executive and an apology for a Director of Football. The club needs as Mark the great Rambling Toffee put it on his podcast, start listening if you don’t already,
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-rambling-toffee/id1707557727
“The club needs a total reset.”
He is spot on. The toffees really do need a reset. The only hope is that new owners, be that 777 Partners (hope not, unless they really are the only option to get rid of the Monaco based cancer), or some other organisation come in, and first thing, day one hopefully, dump the clownish duo of Dyche and Thelwell.
Sadly, it seems we will be stuck with the deadly duo until at least the summer.
Will the blues go down this season, no they won’t. Simply because Sheffield United, Burnley and Luton Town are worse teams than Everton, which is not saying much. I actually think we will win some of the remaining games.
But the Dyche mean, as I have always said will be reached. And by God it has been. But worse will follow if this one dimensional backward football manager, and apology of a Director of Football are not removed in the summer . If they are not removed as soon as this awful season ends it may well be:
No kiddin’
I’m ready to fight
I’ve been lookin’ for my baby all night
If I get her in my sight
Boom boom! Out go the lights!
King Biscuit Boy: Boom Boom Out Go The Lights (Songwriter John Lee Hooker)
Boom Boom Out Go The Goodison Lights next season.
Is that the way we all want to leave Goodison?
TOFFEE FOR TEA 